D'Vhex D'Resh

[Darion]

I understand what you're saying about the verd'goten, so I might revise some parts about that. Thank you for the typo spotting, they seem to slip through sometimes xD. Comment on muscle mass was due to his skinny frame but that can be cut if it's too distracting. Mutation and hair can be cleared up. Hair I'm iffy about as he is usually seen in armor when the time requires it, and his hair is usually short either way. Thank you for the reviews, I'm not sure if I can express how thankful I am for your review hehe

[Talau the Ever-Lurking]

If it's due to his small frame I might suggest sticking that into his bio, though I still don't believe they'd neglect his physical training so completely even with it...plenty of ways to learn to fight in close combat without a lot of muscle mass...in fact, some martial arts are based solely on the fact that a person may be small or have a slim frame but still need to fight up close. So just keep that in mind, too. Perhaps his CQC training revolved more around his agility than pure physical strength ^_^

[Darion]

Yeah, I mostly left the CQC due to the fact he will be joining clan D'Resh and will possibly be recieveing training from Jorra. As for the small frame, it was kind of noted due to his height and weight but I can definitely add that if it needs to be explained a lot.

[Talau the Ever-Lurking]

It's not a big problem, but I've always been picky on what people put in their apps. It's often better explained than left to the imagination since people come in all shapes and sizes and musculature. Personally I would just add it in writing since saying 'because he had such a small frame' doesn't take much as opposed to letting people guess at it or draw conclusions based on this that or the other thing. It's up to you and the mod's though...tis just my opinion. As for joining another clan and doing things IC, just because he's had -some- training in it, doesn't mean he can't become more proficient in play. Remember, this is just background...a framework for you to start on. Logically his parents wouldn't have left it out, even if they didn't put an emphasis on it. That would still leave plenty of opportunity for growth ICly. Again, it's your prerogative in the end if the mods aren't fussing over it, but just from a logical standpoint, if I were his parent I'd have seen to some form of CQC just so he doesn't get his butt kicked the first time he gets in a scrap with another person, yknow? As a mando that wouldn't look too great on his record xD

[Darion]

Yeah I definately understand, I'll do some revisions this weekend.

[Fromikeable]

Alrighty, rapid fire, go!

Equipment:

Doesn’t look like you did anything with your tech section. Either make it vague like this...

2 medium blaster pistols
5 vibrodaggers
Light armor
Medium sniper rifle
Thermal detonators

...Or make the full-fledged tech apps. Either way. If you elect to keep it vague here, you can fill in all the details and character of the weapons later in your writing (while also understanding that without apps, they’ll just function according to status quo).

Also, just want to confirm here that you’ve elected to forgo beskar’gam, correct?


Bio:

First off, what war are you referring to that put such a beating on the D’Renale clan? The last real fighting the Mandos were involved in prior to the Empire’s return (which was only 5 or so years ago) was a skirmish about 50 years ago, where the Republic whooped them something fierce and basically subjugated them. Since then, they’ve basically been a declawed, subject state to the Republic (until the new Empire came along, of course). It’s certainly possible that the D’Renale could have been hit hard during that event, but I’d just need you to clearly state that for future reference.

Second off, I know I said Mandos are supposed to be unkillable, but a 13 year-old fighting off 8 guys at once is either some grade-A movie magic or the most fantastic luck in the galaxy. I don’t think it needs to be quite so dramatic anyway; perhaps his mother could simply desert him in the city sans the assault waiting for him? A thirteen year-old having to feed himself, find places to rest, and also try not to avoid/defend himself from muggers sounds like test enough, especially given the fact that he has no idea of where he is or which way home is. Ordinarily, Mandos go with less urban environments for Verd’goten, but I don’t see anything wrong with it, so no worries.

And I see you’ve gone with the “renounce the clan name” plan. That works completely fine, I just feel obligated to mention again that if he does indeed ever meet any other Mandos, they’ll regard him as more or less a traitor (the intensity of that feeling depending on the Mando/person, of course).


I know you’re probably sick of reviews by this point, so with those final three points, I think we’re done here. Just reply here when they’re done.

[Darion]

Revisions have been made!

[Fromikeable]

And with that, I plague you no further. APPROVED.

Approved Stats:

Stats:
Strength - below average
Agility - above average
Intelligence - above average
Charisma- feeble (People skills)

Combat Training:
Mandalorian Wrestling: Novice
Gunslinging(Rate of fire and accuracy): Adept
Knife throwing: Expert
Sniping: Novice
Knife fighting: Adept
Blaster skills: Adept

Other Training:
Lorrdian body language/reading: Adept
Stealth: Adept
People skills: Feeble
Slicing: Novice
Piloting: Novice
Stealth Take downs: Adept
Kloo Horn playing: Unskilled
Basic: Fluent
Mando'a: Fluent

[Darion]

*Fires cannons loaded with confetti* Oh, how I have waited for this day.