Craig Coston

[craigcoston]

Name: Craig Coston
Race: Human
Age: 26
Birthplace: Corellia

Allegiance: Republic (Officially)
Status: Republic Military
Rank: Corporal

Height/Weight: 5ft11/168 lbs
Appearance: : Craig has an athletically muscular yet slim build with well toned muscles, and a slightly tanned skin-tone. His hair is naturally a dark brown in color, but has a habit of dying it jet black. He has a small amount of stubble. His eyes are a deep blue color. His only prominent scar is down the side of stomach which was caused in a bar fight just after he joined the army.
Craig also has quite a few tattoos covering part of his body, including: The name of his fiancé’ Osila down his left leg. He has his mother’s name on his back, the day his fiance’ died on his right forearm and the day he joined the military on his neck.

Craig is rare to be seen wearing anything other than a neatly pressed military uniform but on the rare occasion he has been Craig is known to dress down in cargo pants, a shirt and boots.

Personality:: Calm, collected, and always obedient, these are three statements that do not describe Craig. With his disruptive, disobedient and sarcastic nature it is shocking too not only himself, but too his friends and superiors that he has reached the rank of Lieutenant and not been court marshaled by now. What’s even more shocking too himself is that he has been able to hide his alcoholism for so long and not be caught on the job drunk, which is probably down to sheer luck more than anything else.

He is different to most of the people he has met in that he has a strong moral standing meaning he cannot be bought and will not do anything he disagrees with and thinks is fundamentally wrong. He has never been a big fan of love, or the concept of it, not since his fiancé’ was murdered, which inevitably started him drinking and having as many one night stands as possible whilst on leave, but through all of his hatred on love and hiding from his emotions behind a bottle, he still falls in love too quickly and has a habit of getting hurt.

Weaknesses and Strengths: What could easily be argued as his greatest assets are his people skills, with the exception of people in authority over him he has a good knack of getting people to rally around him and making friends, he is a strong leader. Another of his attributes is his shot, he is arguably one of the best shots in his unit and is cool under pressure. Craig can talk himself out of pretty much any situation he finds himself in, a skill he developed after finding he had a habit of talking himself into the situations.

His strengths are quickly depleted by his weaknesses, his alcoholism tends to affect his judgment on people and lack of drink can affect his mood and temper. His biggest weakness is his moral code and argumentative attitude, one that has lost him promotions and nearly got him court marshaled more than once. One strength of his can also be argued as a weakness, he feels the need, the compulsive urge, to be the hero, he is the man who will run into open fire and jump in front of bullets. His tendency to fall in love quickly and get emotionally wrecked can cause him to hit the bottle harder also.


Ships/Vehicles: A decade old speeder bike, rarely flies but will fly whatever he can when he can.

Equipment:
Standard Republic Amor/Uniform
D-9 Recon
Picture of his family.

Stats: (Feeble, Below Average, Average, Above Average, Superior, Legendary)
Strength - Average
Agility - Below Average
Intelligence - Above Average
Charisma - Superior

Combat Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)
Hand to Hand: Adept
Pistols: Expert
Carbines: Unskilled
Sniper Rifles: Novice
Melee Weapons: Unskilled
Explosives: Novice

Other Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)
Speeder Piloting: Adept
Starship Piloting: Novice
Leadership: Adept
Mechanical Maintenance: Unskilled

Biography: :
0-15
Born and raised on Corellia by an old school over bearing mother and abusive alcoholic father. Craig is a smart guy and could of done well in school if it wasn’t for the back chat and the fighting. His family moved to the capital after the divorce and his mother got an okay paid job as a teacher so he needed to find work also, this work would be split between small time spice smuggling between major cities or towns and undergound bareknuckle fights.

15-18
Craig grew up too fast between 17 and 18. Meeting the love of his life on the eve of his best friend Yelowen's, 19th birthday, still only 17, Osila was 18, helping out of debt and personal troubles she had found herself in and in turn helping Craig to give up what was slowly leading to a life of pretty crime and run in's with the law. The day of the engagement, she was shot down in cold blood as she came back to their place. The next week, after days of solid drinking and a few more attempts at getting back into the life he wanted to leave behind, he had signed up, leaving his mother crying as he left for the army, it’s been nearly ten years and he isn't sure if she alive or dead, he just can’t face going back.

18-23
Craig's life got interesting once he had joined the army, proving himself a good shot during the training and he had managed too boot the booze for five years, altough this could be attributed to Craig's obsession with being the top in his class at anything that involved a pistol. Authority never truly agreed with Craig and his superiors grew to hate the sight of him. Placed in his first platoon when at 19 and was nearly court marshaled for failing to follow orders, after being asked to shoot a suspect he knew to be innocent, this strained Craig's relationship w ith the Republic to a level he still hasn't quite got over. He spent 3 years in and out assignments and nearly got his first promotion on his 23rd birthday, but killed the opportunity when found drinking on duty, a mistake he was certain to never make again. He managed to escape punishment through his mentor, Sergeant Abery.

23-26
So between 23 and 26 Craig found himself in a platoon than background missions, nothing majorly violent just peace keeping and occasionally dealing with a drug baron too big for his boots, it bored Craig majorly, so he decided for the first time in his albeit short life that he was going to work hard and get promoted to a positiion where he could affect the missions he was on. He kept his cocky smug attitude but began pushing for extra overtime and in the time he did have for himself he spent training in everything he could, explosives which he never truly got the hang of and usually different forms of martial arts which he descovered he had a natural talent for but this could have been due to his experience in fighting when he was younger. Craig did, at points, find solace in the times he did spend more than a few weeks on a planet but he quickly uprooted himself after remembering Osila, promising himself to never get comfortable again.

25-26
After bringing down a drug dealer on Tatioone he was promoted and these things continued to happen, Craig developed a habit of over hearing the correct conversations at the right times in the right bars, altough this could have been due to how frequently he was in seedy bars and cantinas after hitting the bottle harder than ever before after hearing of the death of Sergeant Abery. Abery had been pestering Craig to visit him for a drink as Craig had accumulated enough leave time to have more than a long weekend away but he had continued to put it off. On his 26th Birthday Craig asked to be placed on what he affectionatly now refers to as "Suicide duty." He does this as a way to keep himself in check and to remember that he can never settle down or get comfortable, he will be gone tomorrow, or that's what he tells himself, deep down Craig believes he is meant for bigger things.

Roleplay Sample: .
As Craig slammed down another shot of whiskey onto the bar he glanced around the bar and saw the cantina regulars sipping on their drinks silently, he had always loved this place on Talus as no one had ever tried to speak to him or even make eye contact, it was the sort of scum filled cantina where you weren't expected to be a Republic officer and no one would ever question your career through fear of being shot. There was one exception for Craig however, Yelowen, an old twi-lek school friend of his who worked behind the bar, Yelowen was a smuggler by trade and Craig ignored his ventures for a few free glasses of his Corellian malt.

"You look worse for ware than usual Craig, something happened at work?" Yelowen said with a smile, he knew all about Craig's suicide jobs and run in with authority.
"Nah..... Just been thinking a lot lately about my past, you know those memories you have? You know those ones that keep you from falling asleep?" Yelowen nodded, knowing exactly where this was going, Craig had a habit of opening up after one too many glasses.
"Is a stupid one, it’s not my fiancé’, or leaving my father, it was 24th birthday and I was with my unit in a bar between missions and we sat there, for hours talking, the six of us. Which probably describes my personality, all my best memories are inside a bottle somewhere." Craig could feel the drink hitting him as he forced a smile. "In my experience after the lives we have led, the only memories worth having live inside of a bottle" Yelowen pulled a bottle of Craigs preffered Corellian malt and poured two glasses, raising one he nodded at Craig.
"To drinking enough to forget memories" Craig laughed softly and raised his, clinking the glasses together "Only the bad ones." He knocked his drink back and winced gently, "I've got to get back to barracks... Same time tomorrow?" Yelowen nodded, looking around to be certain no one heard the word barracks and smiled "Of course, just like always" Yelowen chuckled as Craig walked out of the cantina with a stagger.

[lion]

Hi there Craig! My name's lion, I'll be giving your character a lookover to help out with the app process. I'm staff in training, so take what I say with a grain of salt, it might help, but the verdict comes from the guys in green or red; I just get to play pretend.


Still, I got this shiny crown and they don't, so y'know, swings and roundabouts.

General stuff: Yep, this all looks good. Age, race, all looking good.

Appearance: All good here. Covered both his looks and his sense of dress, both factors of appearance, nice.

Personality: You've accidentally double-typed personality, so nix that. Other than that, I'd say he's pretty good to go; dude's trying but he's got some issues to work through, and that means plots. Alcoholism and military life's gonna be an interesting one to have to play out. Nice to outline both positives and weaknesses as well. 

Vehicles/ships: Neat, though I'll presume this bike isn't with him on tour, right?

Equipment: I looked for a DC-9 blaster pistol but came up short, I'mgonna guess you were possibly meaning the D-9 Recon ? Blaster pistol from the same era. If not, remember ,there's options on Wookieepedia -and- even in-house, you can find Here that the Republic's putting into use. Other than that, since I'm presuming this guy's infantry, does he carry anything heavier-hitting? A carbine or somesuch, or is he pure sidearm only?

Stats: All good here, you listed he's got people skills so a higher than average charisma works, especially if he's leading troops. Strength, intelligence, agility, that's all okay. 

Combat Training: I'd personally expand upon just what sort of ranged weapons the good Corporal is proficient in; a rifle will fire differently than a pistol than a shotgun, but all are ranged, you follow me? Other than that, I think it's okay. I'd be hesitant to say he'd be an expert shooter, but then again, if he's been doing it day in day out during his military career, he's gonna develop quickly. Republic troopers get some solid training, after all, more than I think most would expect. That said, I'd be looking at outlining how he learned those skills in your bio, especially with hand to hand and explosives.

Other Training: Ahh, this is where it tumbles a little, but not so bad. Ditto above, outline where these skills are learned in your bio; I understand he's got a speeder bike and probably has some training in using it solely as a means to get around, but a starship? That's an entirely different beast that you'll wanna explain; it'd be like going from riding a harley to flying a 747; it's common for folks to fly in the universe, but it's not gonna be as simple as driving a car like today. 

Mechanical maintenance also, but I can see him picking it up through owning a speeder bike, if he's doing the repair work himself. Again, outline that in your bio! Much potential here. Other than that, we're looking good.

Bio: I like this guy's story, it's got tragedy, hard work, all sorts, but it needs...more. You skip over a great deal of developmental history for the guy; his childhood, teen years, some career milestones in his service to the Republic. All of these could be expanded upon in their own way to the point of being even small stories, if you wanted, to explain this guy's life and the skills he's learned along the way. It's here that we learn all we can about this guy, so don't be afraid to blow this up like wild and come up with some twists and turns on his path.

My advice there, take it in sections; outline his youth as one section, his teenage years as one section, then career in one section. You can divide these further into focal moments, such as his engagement and then subsequent loss, into their own special little moments. 

Roleplay Sample: All good, there's some run-on sentences but other than that, I've got a pretty clear picture of what's going on. 

Overall dude, I like this guy, just tell me more about him; I wanna know what he was like as a kid, what he went through to make him the guy he is today, and why he does what he does. It's always good to see more republic troopers, though, but yeah, don't be shy to dig a little deeper into the guy! You'll find yourself running into ideas and ideas to add as you go, and that means more plot points to play on when he's all clear.

Cheers dude, I hope the app goes well ,and good luck. Hopefully we get to play sometime. :3

[craigcoston]

Fixed

[DreadPirateMike]

Alrighty!  Sorry I was a little slow in getting to this, Craig.  And Lion, thanks again for giving this the initial once over!  You had a lot of useful pointers in this one, buddy!

So, without further ado, let's jump back down the rabbit hole, and take a look at your pained and soulful rebel!  Most of the first bit, up to the appearance is just fine.  I never complain about seeing another Corellian.  

One question did come to mind, however.

Allegiance: Republic (Officially)

Does he have some UNofficial allegiance we should know about?


Appearance: Like Lion said, this is pretty solid.

Personality: Mostly good as well, save for one thing that confused me a bit.

With his disruptive, disobedient and sarcastic nature it is shocking too not only himself, but too his friends and superiors that he has reached the rank of Lieutenant and not been court marshaled by now.

But I thought he was a Corporal?  And the bio certainly indicates an enlisted man, given that officer rank generally means a college level education of some sort.

Ships/Vehicles: Lion called this one pretty well.  You might add a mention if he just has it in storage.  I'm not sure why the military would transport it with him on deployments if he had no regular use for it.

Equipment: And the trainee nails it again!  Why hasn't an infantryman been issued with anything heavier hitting than a pistol?  About the only soldiers I'm aware of typically carrying only a sidearm would be officers and support troops.  That said, everything that's here already is fine.

Stats: These are fine.

Combat Training: So, first off, you don't need to list a skill if a character has no actual skill at it.  If everyone had to list all the things their character does NOT know how to do, we'd be here awhile, you know?  

That said, while it IS there, let's talk about the carbines.  Seeing as a carbine is basically just a short rifle, are you saying he wasn't trained with rifles?  Because that should be standard training.  My dad was an officer and an engineer back in 'Nam, and the closest he ever came to enemy contact was a monkey that'd found its way into the showers.  But he was still trained with a rifle in basic.  And Craig would certainly have to go through that step before he trained with a sniper rifle.

Other Training: I'm okay with all of this now.

Biography: Definitely improved from when I first glanced at this!  Solid start.  And since you've gone and organized things by section, I will too!

0-15:

Okay, so two observations about this section.  The first one, I'm sort of a stickler about with everyone.  His parents should have names.  All the really important people in this story of yours should, and those two are the most important people in the early portion of his life.  Think of it as part of building Craig's narrative.  He didn't come from nowhere, and these weren't blank faces to him.

The second point concerns this little bit at the end.

this work would be split between small time spice smuggling between major cities or towns and undergound bareknuckle fights.

So, you sort of drop him into the criminal underworld without a whole lot of preamble.  Sure, he had a rough home life before the divorce, which could obviously increase his LIKELIHOOD of leaning in that direction later in life, but was he already dead set on that direction?  Did he try to find any sort of honest work first?  Admittedly, your guess is as good as mine whether that would work out.  No clue what the child labor laws are like on Corellia...but I digress.  Even if this was what he wanted, or all he could find, he'd still need to know someone who could get his foot in the door.  You can't just put up fliers asking if anyone needs their drugs smuggled, y'know?  

Also, did his mother know about this?  She doesn't seem the type to approve, and besides, I assume the child of a school teacher was himself going to school all this time?  How did he, a minor, explain all these trips around the planet?  And coming home looking like hell after a night of getting punched in the face for creds?

15-18:

Eventful few years there, son!  

My advice here, more than any other section in the bio, is to slow things down a little.  Take your time, add the detail.  As is, this is pretty much the defining period of Craig's life to date, and we come away not knowing a whole lot.  But let me get into a "for instance".

Meeting the love of his life on the eve of his best friend Yelowen's, 19th birthday, still only 17, Osila was 18, helping out of debt and personal troubles she had found herself in and in turn helping Craig to give up what was slowly leading to a life of pretty crime and run in's with the law.

So, my first bit of advice would be to break this up into multiple sentences, and then start adding from there.  It's a bit of a run-on right now, and it does get a little confusing.  For instance, what does Yelowen and his age have to do with any of this?  Did they meet at his party or something?  Otherwise, it's sort of a random detail thrown in where there's a need for not so random details.

Who was this girl?  Granted, this isn't her story any more than it was dear old mom and dad's, but this is the most important support character in the whole bio, and she dies in the very next sentence, so this is the whole of her life's story.  Starting with basics, her actions shine some light on her personality, but you might include at least her species and a little about what she looked like.  And how they met, if my guess about the party was a miss.  Then, you'd want to move into what made their connection so strong that they'd rush into an engagement.  Sure, they're teenagers, and teenagers are reckless, but there must have still be something pretty special there.

The day of the engagement, she was shot down in cold blood as she came back to their place.

Bummer, dude.  So who killed her?

The next week, after days of solid drinking and a few more attempts at getting back into the life he wanted to leave behind, he had signed up, leaving his mother crying as he left for the army, it’s been nearly ten years and he isn't sure if she alive or dead, he just can’t face going back.

Okay, so two questions.  Is Craig supposed to have completed the Star Wars equivalent of high school by this point?  If the Republic military is anything like ours (And it's typically treated as such, for simplicity's sake.), then that's a prerequisite for enlistment.  And has his mother been trying to contact him at all in all that time?  Because he's in the army, not a cave somewhere.  Unless he just refuses to listen to them, it's entirely possible to get a message to him.

18-23:

Placed in his first platoon when at 19 and was nearly court marshaled for failing to follow orders, after being asked to shoot a suspect he knew to be innocent, this strained Craig's relationship w ith the Republic to a level he still hasn't quite got over.

Okay, definitely going to need some background on this one.  Because right now, it frankly sounds a lot more like his superior was up to something pretty highly illegal than that he did anything wrong.  The only occasion I can think of where it'd be legal, much less a soldier's JOB to shoot anyone outside of a combat situation would be if he was assigned to a firing squad, and the suspect was military personnel, already convicted of some capital offense by a military tribunal.

And even then, there are some major questions.  How did he know this person was innocent?  Did he offer testimony to that effect?  Why would he, in particular, be tasked with shooting someone he insisted was innocent?

He managed to escape punishment through his mentor, Sergeant Abery.

Interesting.  But you've previously said that due to an inability to accept authority, his superiors tend to hate his guts.  And a Sergeant is very much an authority figure.  What was so special about this one guy that he tolerated Craig, and Craig looked up to him?

23-26:

So between 23 and 26 Craig found himself in a platoon than background missions

No major problems with this section, actually.  It's just a little unclear what you mean with that particular snippet there.  Mind cleaning that up a bit?

25-26: 

Yeah, this section's fine.

Roleplay Sample:

This section's basically alright.  It could do with some clean up to the formatting, simply because I found it a little difficult to follow who was talking when you got into the back and forth.  I suggest a line break to separate each new line of dialogue.  Also, if Yelowen is a smuggler, why is he tending bar?  Is the bar a front for his smuggling operation or something?

And that's all I've got!  I'm excited to see what you can do with this.  

[Neology]

Are you still working on this, craigcoston?

[Neology]

Moved to incomplete.