Ikkivu the Dark Jedi Jawa

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Name: Ikkivu (Apprentice Estril)
Race: Jawa
Age: 43 standard years
Birthplace: Raxus Prime

Allegiance: Sith
Status: Dark Jedi
Rank: Knight

Height/Weight: 3'1" ft., 34.2 lbs.
Appearance: As most Jawas with heavy protective garb and goggles, but with a black cloak rather than brown. Wears a fairly lightweight, low-concentration cortosis alloy chestplate beneath his protective layers. Has a special wide-brimmed hat that he sometimes wears in places with high ultraviolet exposure. Wears a belt containing multiple pouches and cases. Never reveals any part of his body other than occasionally his hands or eyes. Wears a respirator mask and a vocal synthesizer to translate his rambling Jawaese into Basic.


Personality: Ordinarily appears thoughtful and fairly peaceful for a Sith, but always on the lookout for things to scavenge. When he is in a fight, he goes into a separate thought process sort of like a battle mode. While in battle mode he is more alert to immediate surroundings and will not speak of anything but the most vital information. He will only fight if ordered to or if necessary in his opinion, as he generally prefers to remain safe, but when he does fight it can be a spectacle to behold. He also has a third "mode", which he uses when he is working on a project or trying to repair something. He becomes very concentrated and speaks little, and focuses on nothing but the task at hand. However, he can retain his more distracted personality while tinkering with a hobby-like intent.

Ikkivu works quickly while fixing something, but can become frustrated when trying to invent something and is often very angry (or very frightened) while fighting. When he is laid-back, however, he can be insightful and even philosophical. One trait that carries over to all his various aspects, however, is Estril's curiosity. He is a true scientist in that he is always inquiring and inventing new and better ways of doing things. He is also often confused when not focused and can be a bit slow on the uptake until threatened or adressed directly. Tends to stay neutral unless circumstance declares need for a shift in mindset.
Despite all of this, however, Estril fails to recognize that at his core he is extremely insecure and emotionally unstable. This central emotional buildup is where he draws his power from as a Sith when he truly lets go and goes full out.

Ships/Vehicles: Defender-class light corvette, speederbike

Equipment: Small paperback journal containing ideas for devices and devious plans, low-concentration cortosis alloy weapon cases, 2 thermal detonators, 1 ion grenade, small blaster pistol, 2 yellow lightsabers capable of being Force-activated, vocal synthesizer, respirator mask, layered protective clothing, lightweight low-concentration cortosis alloy chestplate, X2-C3 Imperial astromech droid


Stats:

Strength - Feeble
Agility - Above Average
Intelligence - Above Average
Charisma - Below Average

Force Stats:

Telekinetic - Adept
Telepathic - Novice
Body - Expert
Sense - Apprentice
Protection - Novice
Healing - Unskilled
Destruction - Adept


Combat Training:

Vibroblade - Novice
Blasters - Apprentice

Force Training:

Force Stun - Adept
Force Body - Adept

Other Training:

Biology and biotechnology - Apprentice
Quantum physics - Adept
Jawaese and understanding Basic - Adept
Appraisal and intuition regarding functionality, worth and usefulness of various items, especially if electronic - Expert
Programming, circuitry and tinkering - Expert

Lightsaber Training:

Shii-Cho - Adept
Makashi - Untrained
Soresu - Untrained
Ataru - Novice
Shien/Djem So - Untrained
>>Sub-form Backhanded - Untrained
Niman - Adept
>>Sub-form Jar-kai - Apprentice
Juyo - Untrained
Double Bladed Combat - Untrained


Biography: Ikkivu's great-grandparents were among a group of Jawa refugees from the raids of a powerful Hutt who landed on Raxus Prime in hopes of hiding while having an abundance of scraps to work with, eventually having children and their children and grandchildren having children in turn. Beginning as a simple Jawa, Ikkivu had a mostly average childhood for a Jawa youngster on Raxus Prime. He did show some difference from the others, however, in his thoughtfulness and quick understanding of abstract ideas when they were only vaguely described to him. As might be expected because of this difference, the young Jawa didn't have too many friends.

Once Ikkivu reached the age of four, his parents taught him how to use technology and salvaged parts to create new objects of use. Immediately Ikkivu caught on and was fascinated with the way the technology worked, delving deep into the junk-covered wastelands to further his knowledge of circuitry and gadgets. After a couple of very ordinary years searching through the mountains of metal, a six-year-old Ikkivu saw a starfighter go down over the scrapped wastes of Raxus Prime and went to investigate. Upon arrival he found that it was a Jedi starfighter, somehow sensing a lingering Force presence around the ship. Being ignorant to the ways of the Jedi, Ikkivu salvaged the downed ship with his parents' help, a Defender-class light corvette containing a standard speederbike. Upon investigation, Ikkivu found that the same thing that took down the ship (presumably an asteroid or space debris collision) had also knocked out the ship's distress beacon, meaning that only he and his family knew of the incident.

He searched the pilot's body and, upon doing so, discovered a yellow-bladed lightsaber. After narrowly avoiding self-impalement and discovering what the yellow beam did, Ikkivu decided to use his newly found ship to discover more about the mysterious weapon. With the help of his parents and the craft's autopilot, Ikkivu set out with the Jedi's repaired starfighter and set a course for the Jedi Library on Coruscant. Upon arrival, the Jedi were curious as to how a Jawa, often regarded as pests, had managed to appropriate one of their craft. After translating Ikkivu's long description of what had happened, the Jedi tested the Jawa for Force sensitivity and upon seeing his positive results admitted him into the Order with his parents' consent.

For much of his life the Jawa trained in lightsaber combat, though he focused more on enhancement Force techniques like Force Body and Battlemind. The Jedi allowed him to be trained in the Force Stun technique particularly, saying that it would improve his chances while fighting. Personally, Ikkivu thought it to be their way of making up for his physical weakness. Eventually, the Jawa began to doubt the Jedi Code whenever he thought about how he would likely never see his family again. As Ikkivu saw many of the other younglings suffering from loss of contact with their relatives, he could barely stand the presence those he now saw to be cold and emotionless. Concealing his emotions as he had been taught, Ikkivu put up with the torment he saw around him, becoming hardened and bitter inside because of it.

At the age of 27, Ikkivu was given a survival mission to test his endurance and willpower. He was required to travel to the planet of Apatros and take a group of smugglers camping there into custody. Once he landed, Ikkivu spent a few weeks surviving in the barren wastes until he stumbled upon a cave that led into a tunnel network, originally a cortosis mine. Ikkivu found the smugglers' encampment ahead, where lay the weapons and some cortosis they had attempted to steal. He attacked them without fair warning, accidentally frying one of them with Force Lightning when the smuggler grazed his leg with a blaster bolt. Afraid of his outburst, the Jawa incapacitated the rest with Force Stun regularly as he made his way back to his ship's landing spot over the course of a few days. Ikkivu returned to Coruscant, smugglers in tow, his Force Stun better developed, and stolen cortosis heavy in his pack.

Though Ikkivu had so far managed to avoid the discovery of his theft, he suspected that some Council members already knew about it. His paranoia adding to the insecurity and fear he already felt, Ikkivu could not bear it any longer. When Ikkivu failed his Trial of Spirit and was left broken and psychotic, he desperately slipped away in his ship during the night. Ikkivu left Coruscant and traveled back to his homeworld of Raxus Prime, only to discover that his parents had been killed by the collapse of the junk mountain complex his family had lived in. Angry at himself for not coming to their aid sooner, Ikkivu left once more and wandered the galaxy for a time, thinking on his disastrous past and tinkering with his little gadgets and inventions to clear his mind.

Eventually Ikkivu became aware of a new Order known as the Sith, and hoping to once again join forces with someone who cared, visited them. He was accepted into their ranks at the age of 39, and the Sith taught Ikkivu much more destructive ways of using the Force than the Jedi had ever taught him. Delighted with his newfound power and control, Ikkivu adopted the Sith Code and the name Estril to avenge his fallen family and make up for his past failings, in hopes of destroying the cruel Jedi.

Though he is considered a Sith, Estril only listens to the Order if they call for him. He spends much of his time roaming space, stealing and salvaging materials and droids, as well as researching his "necessary sciences" and developing a secret pet project in his lab on Kuras IV. He has been known to recruit various helpers for the project, but as of yet has not disclosed to anyone anything but its name: the quantum battery. As for the cortosis he stole, Ikkivu didn't forget about it. He was careful to make sure it was well processed and made it into a mesh plating that could be worn under his protective garments. He also constructed a second lightsaber, modeling it after the first one (and similarly fixing its length for his height, of course). He develops many small projects, most of them weapons, and keeps the ideas in a journal. Should anyone else ever get ahold of the journal, however... something bad might happen.


Roleplay Sample: Estril strode down the hallway of his bunker-like lab on Kuras IV, feeling powerful despite his lack of stature. He had a new idea, and despite the fact that it was as yet just a theory, he knew what it could be capable of in the hands of the Empire. He knew that if he were allowed to develop it, the Empire would take back the galaxy faster than they had ever imagined. Only two problems left: getting his creation approved, and getting it... well, created. First things first, he decided. I must make a test version. Once I know that it's possible, then I will take it before the Sith Order and the Empire.
Estril's thought process was interrupted by a pounding on his door. Cursing under his breath in Jawaese, Estril ran to his control room and looked at the display from the camera outside. Though it had been smashed, he could make out what looked like Mandalorian armor. "What?!" he muttered feverishly. "Why are you here? I didn't call you up recently! Who are you?"
Somewhat clumsily, Estril reached out with the Force, attempting to sense the intent and identity of the intruder pounding on his door. Feeling a sudden sharp pain, Estril pulled back. He was painfully aware that he had alerted the Mandalorian outside to his presence, as the pounding on the door had stopped. From what he was able to gather, Estril understood that the lone Mandalorian was one of many hired by a local Hutt who didn't appreciate Estril's research station on what the Hutt considered to be "his" planet. Slightly panicked now, Estril hurried to his small hangar and opened the doors. At the same moment, he heard the front door being blasted off its hinges. So much for durasteel, Estril thought grimly.
Estril slammed his hand down on the button to lock the hangar's blast doors, then hurried toward his ship. Unfortunately, the blast doors shattered under the power of another explosive from the Mandalorian. Estril jumped up to a catwalk near the ceiling of the hangar, trying to avoid his adversary. The mercenary tossed an EMP grenade, blasting Estril's only escape route with a destructive ion charge. The Mandalorian vaulted off the top of Estril's disabled ship and onto the catwalk, expecting to corner Estril, but found his opponent nowhere. Warily the mercenary turned, sensitive to anything that would give away his opponent's position. Anything, that was, but an extremely powerful Force Push.
The Mandalorian flew across the hangar, hitting the wall with painful concussive force. Slightly stunned, the Mandalorian stood up just in time to block a swing from a yellow-bladed lightsaber. Estril's eyes burned with anger as he jumped and dashed, weaving to avoid the Mandalorian's expert battle maneuvers. Estril tossed a lightsaber, which was deflected by the Mandalorian. Estril used the moment of distraction to slam the mercenary with another Force Push, again stunning the Mandalorian as he smashed into the wall headfirst. As his adversary rose, Estril dashed forward and, with dead precision, pulled off the Mandalorian's helmet. "Don't touch the ship!" he spat at the stunned and angry mercenary as he sprang back, still holding the helmet.

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Btw guys (anyone viewing this), I do like reviews and feedback. I may not directly respond to a suggestion, but if I find it to be a good idea I'll change what I want to. Thanks for your ideas!

[Darion]

Okay so, I am in no way an expert on this nor do I have an immense ammount of experience but I'll try to speed the review process. Alright so, your combat and other skills should be in the same format as your force skills. I.E Vibroblade Wielding: novice. As for the Mandalorian armor part, I'm not exactly sure if that would pan out, I'd definitely ask a mod or an admin for more feedback on the armor theft. On your stat categories, you can remove the list of ratings such as Combat skills (Novice, Adept ect) they're just there to tell you what ranking system your charecter app should follow. Other than that, I can't see anything else that might need to be changed. Once you have the tech apps up for all of your gear you should be well on your way to completion. Before messaging a mod I'd definitely ask someone smarter and wiser than me for a second or even third review haha.

[lion]

Hey there! I'm Lion, and as your note asked, I'll be looking over your app. Keep in mind, I'm not staff, so what I offer is merely a suggestion; take it and do with it what you will. However, it always helps to have another perspective on things. I'll take the bio in sections to make it easier for you to read, so let's get started.

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General info: Hey, a Jawa! Don't see many of those; I like the outside choice. I take it Estril is an alias? Height, weight, all looks good for a Jawa. Good start.

Appearance: Since I don't think most folks know what a Jawa looks like under the robe and all that, having an appearance of merely attire makes sense here. I like the image too, pretty fancy. Again, fairly cool; you could go a little more into depth, but I think this is okay.

Personality: Alrighty, here we could certainly use some padding. Personality is one of the biggest sections of a bio, generally second only to the actual history itself, as we're talking about what makes this guy who he is and how he deals with the world around him. I like that you've compartmentalized some aspects; how he is in a fight is different to how he is in downtime, etc, but you could expand more on these, I think.

That said, my only major gripe would be the reference that he's a coward, but a 'spectacle to behold' in a fight. Generally speaking, cowardice in a fight means nervousness and fear; you tense up, hesitate, and generally don't make grandiose motion. Vice versa, a competent fighter isn't a scared one (at least, not to a challenge they can face), though I think I know what you're going for here. I'd drop the "coward" part and say he only fights when necessary; actively seeking conflict out doesn't mean bravery, much in the same way that knowing when not to fight isn't being afraid of it.

Ships/Vehicles: Fair enough. I presume in the bio it's explained where he got these. ;p

Equipment: Cool, though I'd drop some of the weaponry. Seven grenades ,a vibroblade, two lightsabers and a blaster pistol is a lot of firepower, and for someone of feeble strength, that's likely going to be a real weight issue as well. Personally, I'd drop the vibroblade, since he's got a lightsaber, and maybe bring the grenade count down (not necessarily gone, but 5 and 2 is a bit much.). The Blaster pistol, sure, but does he know how to shoot or is it a 'just in case' thing? If the lightsabers are his go-to, it might be more a liability.

That and I'd mention the armor plate in the appearance, too; where he wears it and why. Also keep in mind that lightsaber resistant doesn't mean lightsaber proof. Personally I don't mind the armor, but that stuff will fail eventually if he's getting hit a lot, you know what I mean? Not to mention, a metal plate like that is going to add extra weight; your Jawa's low strength means he's going to have to be careful with how much he's hauling around.

Stats: Nice, I like the spread here.

Force Stats: Fair enough, this is fairly solid. Protection abilities seem a little surprising for a Sith, but that's all good.

Combat Training: Neat as well. My only gripe; who taught him the Echani martial arts? Moreover, why?

Force Training: Most of these powers fall under the stats; from Push all the way down to the mind trick, they come under things such as Telekinetic abilities, Telepathic, Body, Protection, etc. This area is more for the more special force abilities; the uncommon ones that not every Jedi/Sith is expected to learn. The one that really fits would be saber-throwing, and maybe Force Lightning or Force Choke; the rest would be somewhat anticipated. Keep in mind, though, that the Force Stats are their general skills; he wouldn't have expert in Force Push if his overall command of Telekinetic powers is lower.

Other Training: Fair enough, though again, this would probably need some outlining in the bio, not to mention the skills listed do often require other skills; biomechanics would likely need some understanding of biology, scavenging would need an understanding of appraisal and determining worth of what to salvage versus general scrap. General technological skills, I know what you mean, but it might help to be more specific. Do you mean he knows his way around, say, a computer, or are we talking he knows how to wire complex circuits, etc?

Lightsaber Training: Alright, this does need work. Generally for force users, especially of his age, there's a balance; there's only so many hours in a day, days in a year, years in his life that he's been studying these techniques, so there's going to be pull in one direction or another rather than overt skill in both.

In terms of lightsaber combat, mastery of a single form takes ten years, and any form past Shii-Cho requires adept skill in the first form, as it's a base. The biggest red flag here is the specialist rank in Ataru; Specialist rank is essentially a step above Master, someone who is practically the foremost practitioner. Think of it like martial arts; a black belt might be a master, Bruce Lee was a specialist. Don't fret, we all made that mistake in apping, I'm sure. ;p

I get the feeling of what you're going for, so here's my recommendation; drop Ataru back to Adept or lower, and depending on his age when he started learning these arts, possibly bring Jar'Kai down to apprentice. Other than that, it's a neat spread, but by the same token, maybe drop some of the big Force Power ranks as well to suit. :3


Bio: Alrighty, let's get into this. Firstly, how old is this guy when he sees the fighter come down? I'm sure Jawas have infancy as all species do, so how was he as a kid? What was his family situation like? I have no idea at all how old this guy is at this point except that he's younger than 34, but that doesn't help much.

Finding the Jedi ship, what's the thoughts going through his mind? Obviously it's quite a find, and curiosity's bound to take hold, but if he's seen the ship go down, it's likely there's a couple of factors to consider. He's probably not the only one who's seen it, and if the ship just crashed, there's probably others looking for it; distress signals, etc. Not vital, but things to consider.

This does raise a question, though; if the lightsaber this guy is carrying is sized for someone bigger than a jawa, there's going to be a LOT of problems. A humanoid sized Jedi would carry a lightsaber with a blade of about a meter or so; that's as tall as a Jawa stands. Controlling that sort of thing would be a monumental effort. Again, this is something to consider.

Running into a Sith's a bit of poor fortune, but fair enough that this guy might take a curiosity to your Jawa. What you don't outline, however, is what sort of Master this Hilren is; why did he take interest at all? What sort of educator was he like? Since you've outlined that years have gone by, there's a lot of room for stories you could tell us of Ikkivu/Estril's development in the Force under Hilren's tutelage. Sith aren't known for being kind teachers, and I guarantee there'd be some stuff here to delve into; especially since you say there were torturous techniques involved.

Killing your master, fair enough, it happens among the Sith, but so much so that I guarantee they're wary of it. How did Hilren's downfall take place? Was there any elaborate plan involved? A fight? How did the student overcome the master, that's what I want to know, and again, there's a LOT of room here for you to tell me some epic story. Killing one's only (up to this point by what you've told me, literally) parental figure and educator is not something people do with simple gusto; there's bound to be internal struggle just as much as an actual fight, or knife in the dark.

Not to mention, now that you've got a Sith Master, you can possibly get that lightsaber re-sorted. Maybe Ikkivu had to make one of his own? He's got two, after all (and where'd the second one come from?), and I'm hoping at this point he's learning with a shoto (short lightsaber) rather than what would essentially be a weapon larger than a claymore for a human to use.

What's this pet project, why is he developing it, and I presume the funds he's using are Hilren's? Overlooking the whole conflict that might come from slaying one's superior in the Sith Empire (I admit, I don't know enough about it to judge), it might not be so simple.

Roleplay Sample: Third-person past tense perspective's what we're gunning for here, and you've got that down pretty good; you've got the third person down, but you're using present tense. Instead of saying Estril strides, try Estril strode. Instead of is doing, has done; instead of says, try said. You'll find it flows a bit more easily, especially to read, and opens up a lot more descriptive opportunities for you as a writer.

I'd personally suggest breaking up the text wall into paragraphs rather than one solid block here, as well; makes it easier on the reader's eyes and keeps from getting lost in sentences.

I like the action in this, but there's a lot that could be worked on. Consider the roleplay sample as an introduction post to a thread, someone would have to reply to what you've written, and there's little room to do so; if someone were playing the Mandalorian, they're dead before they get a word in, as you're writing both. If someone's not playing the Mando, well, you've possibly left the area; as a one-off post it works but if someone's gotta work off of that, there's little space.

I dig the skyrim reference, and it's totally a laugh on this end, but far from what we're gunning for here. Dovah-jawa you are not, yeah? 

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Alright, I may have missed stuff owing to this being early morning for me as I write this, but hey, I like where this is going. Just refine it up a bit, turn this into the gem it could be. :3

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Consider it done!

[Fromikeable]

Cheese-gratings, salamitations, and other delicious plateitudes! I am your sandwich conoseuir for the evening, and tonight we will be exploring the vast and boundless possibilities of using human meats as a coldcu-

… wrong board. Uh, Jawa review? Jawa review. Let’s do it.

First off, before anything else, could you change the title of the thread to Ikkuvu’s name? It’ll make organizing it and finding it easier for all who may so need to.

Name through Appearance all look good. I will just note that it might be tricky to play a Jawa, considering there’s zero sources, EU, canon, or otherwise, describing what they actually look like. Nothing wrong with that, just, y’know, just something to keep in mind when writing. I’ve only two comments: his rank should simply be “Apprentice”, and why the respirator?

Personality looks fine as well, though I’m curious what would drive a relatively peaceful guy like Ikkuvu to the Sith. Also, how extreme are these “modes” of his? Are we talking major shifts in mindset, or like flat-out multiple personalities?

For Ships/Vehicles, we actually have a new policy on SWU. Generally speaking, you’ve got two options; be pretty vague and keep the ship/tech doing whatever it would normally be expected to do (i.e. no ships that can phase through walls, conduct an orchestra, or help you cheat on your kinematics test), or you can make an app for something custom. If Ikkuvu’s corvette there doesn’t do any barrel-rolls and such, then just calling it “a light corvette” will be fine, and you’ll be free to expand in writing. Needless to say, they should both be justified in the bio, but we’re getting there in just a sec.

For Equipment, I would just reiterate the above for the astromech. Everything else looks golden.

In terms of Stats, you’re hitting the nail on the head. Honestly, you could probably bump his Agility up to “Above Average” if you’d like, as I imagine small, lithe Jawas are probably pretty zippy.

For Force Stats through Lightsaber Training, I will ask for a few small changes. First, Force Lightning already falls under general stuff you can do with Destruction, so it doesn’t need to be listed. Second, “Appraisal and intuition regarding functionality and usefulness” confuses me a bit. Appraising what? And third, his saber stats are just a smidge too high for me, considering his numerous other skills. I would say that at his age, he should really pick one or two forms aside from Shii-Cho and focus on them (i.e. have them at Adept, at the highest).


Now then, the juiciest part of any sandwich, ze Bio!

So, to start, you glazed over those first 16 years of Ikkuvu’s life pretty quickly. I’m not asking for a full-fledge biography with documentation and references, mind you, but it’d be nice to hear about what his life was like. How was he raised? Did he have any friends? Was he always on Raxus Prime? Did he have any favorite kinds of technology? How did he learn to handle tech? Where did he live on a junk planet? Etc. Again, I’m not asking for a day-by-day description, but it’d be nice to get an idea of what sort of upbringing and lifestyle he had; how someone grew up says a lot about them.

As for the rest of it, well, I’ve some bad news. Here on SWU, the Sith Order is relatively new; it’s only been around for a few years, meaning that the majority of its members are former Jedi. Ikkuvu’s stats and app look great… for somebody who was taken through the normal paces of being trained in the Force, i.e. being taken at a young age to the Order, taught the Code, taught saber techniques, taught the ways of the Force, etc. Usually most Sith found some reason to leave the Order at some point (for Ikkuvu to have the stats he does, he’d probably need to have stayed until around his late 20’s). It’s then and only then that, a few years before our current setting, they find their way to the Sith Order and get involved there.

In other words… well, Darth Hilren there couldn’t have just dropped from the sky those many years ago.

Either Ikkuvu needs to be born and raised Jedi, or his stats need to be a lot lower than they currently are. Either way, the Sith Lord can’t really be a factor until the very end of the bio, and even then, there are some conditions. In other words, your bio needs a bit of an overhaul, regardless of if you want to keep the current stats or drop them way down.

Sorry for the bad news. I like him though! Keep on him; I can’t wait to see him on the boards!

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Thanks very much. Reconstitution complete.

[Cleh'mina]

I like it man, not many Jawa Sith out there, or Jawa in general.

[Rugs]

TOOT TOOT COMIN THROUGH

gif.gif

LET'S GO

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Wears a fairly lightweight, low-concentration cortosis alloy chestplate beneath his protective layers.

DISCLAIMER: I have not yet read a word of the bio, what with this being at the top of the app, but I hope there's some sort of decent explanation. With materials like cortosis alloys, we generally encourage a more thoughtful reason for a character to have it than 'cause reasons and it can block saber good.' It very well may or may not be an issue though. Continuing along...

Force Powers:
I generally save stats and such for after the bio, so we'll come back to this later in the review. I will briefly note though, that you don't have to list saber throwing unelss you just want to. It's a basic TK thing.

He also has a pretty decent number of special powers. One may need to get cut, depending on how your bio bears out.

Bio:

Just because it's so different, how did a jawa wind up being born on Raxus Prime? A sentence or two wouldn't hurt


Also, paragraph breaks please Wall'o text is generally unpleasant xD It also lets you split the app up into sections so I don't have to ask things like...

How old is he when the Jedi ship crashes and he sets off on his own?

After translating Ikkivu's long description of what had happened, the Jedi tested the Jawa for Force sensitivity and upon seeing his positive results admitted him into the Order.

SWU's Jedi Order doesn't take anyone in past six years old. I don't know how old he is, but since the last age you mentioned was four, then he sets off into the Galaxy on a ship by himself and seems perfectly capable of operating it, I think it's quite fair to assume he's older than six.

Detail his training some x3 Don't need to write a novel, but he's got some hefty stats, so there's gotta be something to back them for me to comfortably give you the OK.

He began to doubt the Code, however, whenever he thought about how he would likely never see his family again. Once he stumbled across several documents detailing the lost families and resulting mental states of Jedi younglings in the Jedi Library, he could no longer follow the orders of those he now saw to be cold and emotionless.

I see where you're going here, and it's neat. But I don't think the way you've got it quite works. I doubt the Jedi would leave that sort of information just laying around for anyone to get to, for those younglings who they even have familial records for. As an alternative-these are his peers, I assume (I have no idea how old he is xP), so why not just draw the conclusion he reaches from seeing a friend have a hard time or something? Same result, but the path there is much more workable.

He left Coruscant and traveled back to his homeworld of Raxus Prime. . .

The Jedi just up and let him leave the Temple? (How old is he? )

Eventually he became aware of a new Order known as the Sith, and hoping to once again join forces with someone who cared, visited them.

Okay, so using this, I assume he is, at minimum, 30, since the Order is only about four or so years old. Which begs the question of if he was a Knight when he fled the Temple?

Closing thoughts:
So, biggest thing is that it's hard to get a feel for the plausibility of certain things because you're not very clear on when certain things happen. For example, I don't know if his acceptance into the Order works cause there's a hard cutoff for that that it seems like he's past, but it's not clear. Past that, his defection; it's workable enough for a padawan who loses faith, I suppose, but it becomes a bit harder to believe for a Knight who should've already been through the Jedi Trials.

Secondly, I can't really get a feel for what he should be good at or not. You mention that he trained in sabers and the Force, which is all well and good, but doesn't help me in judging his stats. Flesh out a bit of his training - like I said, you don't have to make the thing a novel by any means, but a bit about what he's good at and what he's not so good at spread throughout generally helps. You also need to show him learning those special powers if you want them x3 They're not mentioned, currently.

Basically, the general idea of what you've got works fine. Just need to make sure everything works out time wise (and you might need to do a little adjusting on the front end to get him to the Jedi in time, but that's much easier than having to redo the entire middle and have him trained by some other force user(s), imo). And if you do decide to keep the Jedi route, which I think you should, give me something of what he does. A mission or two, something. That could also partly kill two birds with one stone in helping you flesh out his abilities/training. If you can get that squared away, you should be more or less good to go, with maybe a pass or two to make sure his abilities are appropriate x3

...you also don't mention that cortosis alloy chestplate Def need to work that in somewhere

Just holler when you're done and I'll come take another looksie. And as always, feel free to let me know if you have any questions or need assistance.

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Thanks very much, this helps a lot. Revised version is now up!

[Rugs]

Hey, back again! You're nearly there! Just a couple of quick things and this should be all neat and ready :3

For when he goes off to the Jedi, why not just have one or both of his parents go with him? They could agree to let him join the order and just head back off for home. I'm having a hard time reconciling a six year old flying across the galaxy alone xD

When declared Jedi Knight after passing the trials, the Jawa panicked at the thought of renouncing the Order after so much effort and desperately fought his way out with the help of his Battlemind and Force Body training.

Two things:
1) He probably wouldn't pass the Trials if he's that worried about stuff. Not to mention the paranoia you've mentioned is always there. Here's a suggestion: The Trial of Spirit specifically focuses on take a look into yourself (facing the mirror, as it were) and confronting the darkness within. Maybe he fails that, and that leads to him wanting to flee. Which leads me tooooo....
2) The way this is phrased makes it sound like he fought he way out of the Jedi Temple. Which would not go well for him. At all xD I'd suggest just slipping off into the night while on a mission or something. Doesn't have to be dramatic

I'll also note that the Jedi don't force you to stay if you don't want to. They'll try to help you through whatever's troubling you, obviously, but if you just want to go they're not going to make you stay. Jedi can resign from the Order. He'd have to give up his sabers and build some new ones though. But that's another option.

Oh, yeah in the next sentence you say he kills a council member x3 So yeah the fight-your-way-out approach on Coruscant won't work.


Ooooother than that this is largely workable.

For stats, I'd say drop destruction to adept. I'd also really prefer if you keep just one of body or battlemind, since three is a pretty generous number of special powers.

Just a quick tidy up of those things and you'll be good to go!

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Great. Thanks again. He is complete once more!

[Rugs]

It's been a long time coming, but you're finally there. Your positive attitude and willingness to cooperate is tremendously appreciated

Approved


Go forth!

Ships/Vehicles: Defender-class light corvette, speederbike

Equipment: Small paperback journal containing ideas for devices and devious plans, low-concentration cortosis alloy weapon cases, 2 thermal detonators, 1 ion grenade, small blaster pistol, 2 yellow lightsabers capable of being Force-activated, vocal synthesizer, respirator mask, layered protective clothing, lightweight low-concentration cortosis alloy chestplate, X2-C3 Imperial astromech droid
image.jpeg

Stats:

Strength - Feeble
Agility - Above Average
Intelligence - Above Average
Charisma - Below Average

Force Stats:

Telekinetic - Adept
Telepathic - Novice
Body - Expert
Sense - Apprentice
Protection - Novice
Healing - Unskilled
Destruction - Adept


Combat Training:

Vibroblade - Novice
Blasters - Apprentice

Force Training:

Force Stun - Adept
Force Body - Adept

Other Training:

Biology and biotechnology - Apprentice
Quantum physics - Adept
Jawaese and understanding Basic - Adept
Appraisal and intuition regarding functionality, worth and usefulness of various items, especially if electronic - Expert
Programming, circuitry and tinkering - Expert

Lightsaber Training:

Shii-Cho - Adept
Makashi - Untrained
Soresu - Untrained
Ataru - Novice
Shien/Djem So - Untrained
>>Sub-form Backhanded - Untrained
Niman - Adept
>>Sub-form Jar-kai - Apprentice
Juyo - Untrained
Double Bladed Combat - Untrained

[Midrealm Sixtus]

Yyyyyeeeesssssss, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! Thank you, and I shall go forth in the name of the Sith and oppressed Jawas everywhere.