Mara's box of chocolates

[Mara]

Except last year we had a mild winter, and generally the next winter after a mild one is the complete opposite. ;p



But anyway....


I have to admit... today (bleep) sucked.

Yeah, it was fun to hang out with my coworkers all day... and sadly, it was probably the best time, in all the time I'd been there, we'd ever had together. Better than the past five Christmas parties (because we'd have to go back to work after those, at least second shift, and there were always the big bosses around who pretended to care about us) and other get-togethers and things. Sad that it took our last day for us to really talk like this. And honestly, I don't think I've heard so many curse/swear/obscene words in such a short amount of time in my life.

I stayed longer than I had planned on... but it was just so hard to walk out that door for the last time. I'm surprised I made it home in one piece, really. I had held myself together pretty well the whole day, but once I got into my car to leave... I just felt apart. Cried and sobbed off and on the whole way home. And for those very few who know me well... they know I rarely cry or show emotion like this. So when I do, it's big. I had planned on stopping for a burger and a chocolate shake on the way home but skipped it because I wasn't sure I'd be coherent enough in the drive-thru.


The one good part is that I still have one paycheck coming... as well as getting paid for my unused vacation (which I have about 20-24 days.. which I figured, before taxes, was about $260) plus my retention bonus of $1,200.



Though, I am a bit conflicted. There is a job I found out about, and actually some of my coworkers are working part-time for them... and they are offering full-time... But it would mean about an hour commute, one way. And I really don't know if I want to drive that far every day. (It's in Grand Haven).
On the other hand, though, I know I'd probably get the job if I applied and interviewed, if all went well. It's almost the same work I do now... but easier. Proofing audiobooks for an audiobooks company.

I just have to weigh commute/location vs. having a job.
And then at the same time weigh signing up for unemployment right away, only have to possibly cancel it soon after vs. waiting to see about this job, not getting it, and having to wait extra long for unemployment, because if you don't start the process right away, the wait is even longer than normal.




And yeah, I have contact info for those I was closest to and will stay in touch with them through e-mail and such. And will probably find the others on Facebook and try to go back to using that site more. But it just won't be the same. Though, it's better than nothing... and I'll have someone to talk to who understands my situation, because she's in it, too.

Other than my family, though... I really have no one. Partially due to my fault, I've lost touch with my two close college friends... haven't talked to them in years, probably. And I had another close (online) friend, but I haven't had a real conversation with him in years either.

And no offense... but I'm not really close to anyone on this forum. Maybe it's because I stopped using the C'box. Maybe it's because I'm not one of the 'cool' Skype kids. Maybe it's because so many people don't like to use the PM system (which I always check when I sign in and promptly respond to, no matter what). Or maybe people here just don't like me. Or perhaps a combination of those and others. But I honestly feel like an outsider here, and I have ever since I joined four years ago.


Maye this is why I've been using this blog here to vent things and speak what's on my mind... it's all I have, really.





When 2:00 Monday comes around... I don't know what I'll do. That's when I usually left for work. And now... I don't know.


I guess it'll be off to the unemployment web site and filling out all that crap.


I'm sure like all other emotional trauma I've had, I'll feel awful for a week or two.... but eventually I'll get numb to it, used to it... and the crying and depression will stop. Until then, though... I'll probably be a wreck.



I don't know... I guess this is a bunch of nonsense... It's late, and I should try to sleep.


- Mara



PS: The Hobbit was super awesome... so at least there was that.


PPS: I will have a crap load of free time for at least a bit here, so I'm going to try to get back active here....and get some RP posts out. So.... watch out.

[Mara]

So my first week of unemployment... I was bored out of my mind.

Got myself signed up for unemployment; approved for $293 a week.


Next week... get my resume posted on MTB and get over to the MWA for in-person proof in order to receive said money.

Oh, and, try to enjoy Christmas.



Back in a week (or more, or less.... depending).

[Mara]

Well, two weeks to recap...

First week... Christmas. Went to the Unemployment office. Saw NASCAR driver Johnny Benson while out for lunch. Otherwise, pretty boring.

This past week... Yay, 2013, and I get a cold. Just getting over it right now. Did my MARVIN (unemployment benefits) thing... and still haven't gotten my check deposited. Will probably have to call on Monday... either they're slow, or I did something wrong. So that's fun. Otherwise, again, boring.


So, yeah, my life is boring.
But I hope next week will yield some writing out of me, when things have calmed down after the holidays. Cross your fingers for a barrage of RP posts.

[Mara]

Mini update...


That dilemma I was having about whether to interview for the job I was almost 100% I'd get but didn't know if I wanted the hour-long commute one day?

Well, it seems they're no longer hiring proofreaders, so it's no longer a problem.





But it opens a new dilemma; I have more work to do on finding a job.

[Dutch]

It's not much, but while I was job hunting this summer, I found a fair amount of work on craigslist honestly. Legit jobs to, mostly yard work is what I did, but there's money out there. Just gotta be extra crafty with it. Umm... MILive.com has a lot of resources too, I got a job at the local hospital through it once. Don't lose hope too quickly with the hunt though, especially in Michigan the job market is awful and it took me four months to find my current job. But I love it, and hope the next one you get you love too!

[Mara]

Yeah, I hope so.

I've been browsing various jobs sites, not even using keywords or anything, just looking in my zip code, and it seems like most are some sort of sales or retail... so, bleah.

I did find something sort of editing related for Zonderkids, but it sounded managerial/superviserial, and I'm not sure I'm cut out for that.

But I'm considering sending my info to that audiobook place anyway. So if they ever need more people again, I'll be on file. *shrug*


All I can do is just keep pounding the pavement, as it were. ;p

[Dutch]

Literally all you can do. Especially in Michigan these days, and this weather we've had just can't make job hunting easy XD

[Mara]

Heh, indeed. No matter how discouraging looking at all these web sites can be. Or how bored I'm getting sitting at home all the time, lol.

[Mara]

Update on the job front is...  not much change. Well, no change.



With that taken care of, I've got other things to muse about...

So I've decided to give up something for Lent this year. I had tried in the past but never really stuck to it long enough.  It's been just over a week now, and I've succeeded so far. I'm giving up all junk food/candy/cookies/etc., and it's been hard, with Valentine's last week and all this candy around. But I'm staying firm.

Though, I have realized a bit of a dilemma with this. Monday is my grandmother's 90th birthday, and there will most certainly be cake. Sugar-free, diabetic-friendly cake, but cake. After what is bound to be a filling dinner, I could probably get away with not partaking. But... there's a bigger problem. My birthday is the week after that, and though I could do the same thing, the cake will be in the house for days after that. I suppose it all depends on my definition of 'junk food' and how big (or small) a slice I might possibly allow myself.


And this leads me to one of the reasons I've decided to go this route for Lent. I need to lose some weight. It's probably something that's been there for a while now, but it's only recently started becoming, well, a problem. My jeans are a huge struggle to get into now. (They've been a bit snug for quite a while, years, but now it's gotten bad). Same with my dress pants.

Normally I wouldn't really think this was a huge bother; just buy new pants, right?  Especially since my jeans are fairly old and wearing thin anyway. However, my dress pants are a lot newer, and I'd hate to replace them so quickly.  And buying bigger pants isn't going to help the overall problem.

The last time I gained a bit of weight was in high school, and I had to go up a size. No big deal.  And then in college, probably with the extra walking to classes and all that, I actually lost weight, not gained. 30 pounds at the end of freshman year. And so I went back down a size.  And I've been wearing those jeans ever since (ten years ago), until just recently.

Since I can't exactly go back to college just to lose weight, and I don't exactly have the extra cash to throw away at a gym membership, I've gotten a bit creative. I've been doing some exercises in my room, about 30-60 minutes a day, or almost every day. I think I do different things just about every day, depending on what comes to mind, what I make up as a 'good exercise'.  Mainly it's various crushes and ab/stomach things or things focused on my upper legs... since the main area of contention is in and around my waist/hips. (Ever hear of a muffin top? Yeah.) And then I fill in with some walking (more like pacing) back and forth in my room... a little jogging in place. I'd rather bike, but, one, it's winter in Michigan, and two, I have no one to bike with. Or even use the treadmill in the basement, but it's piled with boxes of my dad's crap, which I can't move, because there's no where else to put it. So I've been making do.

I'm also trying to eat much healthier (in addition to the Lent thing). More fruits, more vegetables, less snacking, smaller portions. When I get hungry at night, I go for something more worthwhile. It's hard, but I'm holding strong so far. (The two upcoming birthday dinners are gonna be a challenge, though).

When I started getting serious about this last week (I had been doing a few things before that, but I started focusing harder last week), I weighed myself, just to see where I was. And man, was I surprised. I hadn't realized how much I had gained; no wonder I was having trouble getting my pants buckled and zipped. Granted, I don't think I've actually weighed myself in probably five years or more. But still, it was a shock.
And then yesterday, I checked again. And if the scale is right (it's old, and I'm not sure how accurate it is... or if maybe I was just bloated or something the week before), I lost 3 pounds. Not a lot, I know, since my goal is at least 15, hopefully closer to 20 or more. But it's a start. And I know enough not to get too excited, because I know that the first few pounds are the easy ones, the water weight. It's just gonna get harder.

So I'm just gonna keep at it... exercising every day, eating better. If I seem to get stuck, I can just go to the library and check out a fitness DVD for free, run through some of those. I even signed this petition pledging to lose 10% that state of Michigan/government put out (MI Healthier Tomorrow). I'm supposed to be getting my 'starter packet' in the mail soon.

And hopefully... I can get back to a more healthier weight and keep it that way. Shave off this midsection that's starting to get unsightly. (And for me, that's major; I'm the furthest from vain of anyone). Just so that I can comfortably wear my dress pants again and won't have to buy new ones, since they're expensive. (And if I ever get a job, I may need to wear them every day; I was just lucky that my old job was casual, and I could wear jeans every day). And so when I do replace my old and wore jeans, I can feel safe with spending $100 on 4-5 pairs without worrying I'm wasting money.

Until then, though... I did buckle down and buy one new pair of jeans for cheap in a size that fits. Just so I don't feel so self-conscious. Or have to hold my breath and suck it in real hard and struggle for 15 minutes to get my jeans on and then feel like I'll need to cut them off later. They're not a solution; just something to get me through until the process is over.


So yeah... that's my awesome story. ;p






Perhaps next time I'll have more important updates regarding a job. But I'm not betting on it

[Moonfire]

Thrift stores are great for jeans, especially if you intend to lose more weight. I've gotten some of my best fitting jeans at Goodwill (and I'm a curvy lady) for $5.00 a pair. You won't always find one the first time, but go a couple times a month and you can generally pick up a pair or three in that time.

Never could find nice shirts at goodwill, but great jeans.

And goodluck with your weight loss stuff! You can do it!

[Mara]

Well, I guess it's time for an update (sort of).

---

First up, job-wise:

I actually had somewhat of a lead the other day. Had been looking to see if there were any other captioning companies in the area. (Not that it's what I want to do, but I'm already trained and skilled at it). And lo and behold, there is another one.
But luckily, before I e-mailed about whether they had openings, I remembered, with help from a friend/former coworker, that that company mostly handles adult movies. And since there is no way I'm going to do that, no matter how desperate, I scrapped the idea.

So now it's back to zero.

---

And exercise/weight loss-wise:

I'm gonna use a bit of a chart to help out here...

Week	Amount lost
0*	0*
1	-3**
2	+3 = 0
3	-1
4	+2 = -1

*My first day/starting weight (no need for me to use actual amounts, so I'm going with "0").
**This may or may not have to do more with biological things (bloating) the week before than any actual weight loss.


So basically... I've had little to no progress in the past month. Maybe I'm not exercising enough, or not doing the right things. Maybe I'm still not eating healthy enough. Cutting out candy/snacks/junk food/etc. for Lent hasn't seem to mattered at all.

I don't know. It's kind of depressing so far. (And it's not like I need more of those thoughts running through my mind; I've got plenty already). Part of me, a small part, wonders why it's worth it. But then I remember how much I weigh and how some of my pants fit, and I keep trucking on.

---

Hmm... Well, I had planned on putting something else in here, a sort of rant/hashing out of my various feelings on things that may or may not be SWU-related, but one, I don't have the energy, two, it won't accomplish anything, and three, it's not the right forum (as in location, not web message boards).

---

Hmm... what else...

Oh, I got a summons for jury duty the other
day in the mail. Yippee. [/sarcasm] But at least they'll pay me.
(Whether or not I have a real job by June).

---

And that's it for another look into Mara's sad, empty, boring life.

[Mara]

(long overdue?) Update...


So on the job front:

Still looking bleak, for the most part. Last week, I did send in an application for something that I feel I'm mostly qualified for. It's a proofreading job, but would also include writing descriptions for this company's catalog, both print and online, and other various things related to that. But so far, it's been over a week, and I haven't heard back. I'm hoping they're still just going through the process, since it's a new position that was just added; the listing is still up on their site, just not on regular job search sites.

There was another job I had been considering applying for, but I just realized that applications were due today, lol. Oh, well. I wasn't sure if it was something for me, anyway. It was sort of running a company's social media things: Facebook, twitter, Linkedin, etc. But... if I see that they've re-posted the job, I might still apply for it. It's just about 'the best' thing I've seen so far in the last 4 months.

Still looking, though. Maybe something will pop later.




On the weight loss front:

In short, I gave up about two-three weeks ago. Just getting depressed about the lack of progress I was making. I might be down a couple pounds one week, but then the next, I'd be back where I started. It's been going like that ever since I started a couple months ago. Even with the exercising and the trying to eat healthier and less of it. Maybe I just wasn't doing enough... maybe I need new tactics.

I obviously can't give up; otherwise, it'll just get worse, and I will have to get new clothes/pants. I just need to really focus next go-around. Maybe invest in some equipment, DVDs, whatever. Get my bike out now that it's finally getting warmer out and just bite the bullet and go ride by myself, since I have no one who would go with me. But whatever I do, I need to figure it out soon and just dedicate myself to it.




All other fronts:

Not much to say (or, no energy or time to say it right now).





So yeah. That's me since my last 'post.'

[Shakiah Tachi]

Eating healthy can be hard. Take it from someone who has to eat healthy! (= I find making smoothies helps. Add some yogurt with fresh fruit, and if you're bold, some veggies. Blend it in and it's like eating frozen yogurt. (You can drink as is or freeze it to make it literally frozen yogurt.) It helps at least get the good stuff in, and the fiber will help fill you up.

[Mara]

My problem is that most of the so-called healthy foods are foods that I find pretty tasteless, or just plain disgusting. (Yogurt being one of them).

[Mara]

All righties, update time.... long overdue.


As of about a week ago, I am employed again. Albeit a part-time/contract work sort of job, but it's a job. (A job that will probably decrease my second unemployment payment extension, but oh well.) It's a job with a transcription company in PA, but I'll be working from home. Basically, it's similar to what I used to do, but without all the silly videos and worrying about timing the captions right.
Finished my first assignment on Friday; waiting for my next one still.

Plus, it gave me a reason to finally get my own computer hooked up to the internet, so that I don't hog this one all the time, since it'll take probably 4-5 hours to get one hour-long audio file done, at least until I get used to it and can go faster. (Especially if I decide to splurge for the $70 foot pedal.)

So I got a wireless adapter card installed on my computer. And at first, my dad and I couldn't get it to work. But after a day or so of fiddling around, we got this computer to recognize it and connect. However, though connected, my connection still has a lot to be desired. My speed only goes as high as about 56 mbps, so it's pretty slow. Plus, for some reason, my computer has started randomly rebooting itself all the time (seems to have started about the time after the adapter was installed, which is curious), which makes it a bit difficult to get anything done, obviously.

Until we can get it sorted out, I'm still using the main computer down here (which is fine for the moment, since my parents are away, and I don't have as much competition for it right now), and so my presence here at SWU will still be a bit fluctuating. And using my flash drive to transfer the audio file to my computer so I can work offline (somehow with my molasses and sporadic internet got the software downloaded) and then later come on to e-mail it.

So nothing has really changed on that front. But I hope we can get things straightened up. My dad mentioned getting a booster or something. I still think there's something else we're missing in the setup. But I dunno.



Anyway, that's all for now.  Nothing else new in my dull life.

- Mara

[Mara]

So, besides not much change to what was in my last post...

Now I have more things going on. Namely, my grandma is in the hospital for the second time this week, about 16 hours after she got home yesterday.
So far, it doesn't seem to be anything super serious, just some dizziness/unsteadiness/confusion... But I really don't have any information.



So suffice it to say, things are a bit of a mess around here. And adding in my continuing job search and the wait for an assignment from my current job... I feel like a giant ball of stress. Something that doing SWU could help with, but that's unavailable to me for the time being, for the most part.

[Mara]

Update: She didn't end up going to the hospital again. The EMTs checked her out, and said she was fine. She had fallen this morning and had been laying there for a few hours before my aunt got there.

So instead of the hospital, they're looking around at nursing homes for her to stay in now, because she can't be alone any longer, especially in her old farmhouse.

[Mara]

Another update: Things aren't good. My parents and my uncle and aunt are moving her to a nursing home facility today. It seems like she's having some mental issues and isn't herself, besides the earlier dizziness and the continued unsteadiness with walking.

I know that's not much information, but if I go into details right now, I'll probably fall apart again. And I've shed way too many tears already today.


But that's the gist. And right now my life is kind of... up in the air. With my grandma and my job (or lack of one) and my computer issues. I just... yeah. That's what's going on.

[Mara]

Okay, things are actually looking better. My grandma is herself again. Apparently there was some kind of patch her doctor had given her for the dizziness, and that was causing her to be all loopy. They removed it, and so she's back to how she was before all this started happening.
However, she's still in the assisted living facility, at least for a couple weeks to a month. Likely she'll never leave, but I guess there's always a possibility of a miraculous recovery and restrengthening, and she could go back home. But... like I said, it's a thin chance.
The good thing is that she seems to be taking it in stride and adjusting well to the change.
So that stress has been alleviated. (At least for me; my mom still has other things to deal with, paperwork and such that is involved in moving my grandma.)




So now I'm just back to dealing with the fact that I can't seem to get a job. Well, a real one. 'Cause I have this contract one, but I haven't gotten an assignment in a week and a half. And I really would like something full-time and stable. It'd be one thing if I was getting interviews and just bombing them somehow, but I'm not even getting that far. Just a half dozen "I'm sorry" e-mails, while most of the places have just not sent any reply.
So I'm just hovering in limbo.



Plus, I still can't use my computer, for Internet or anything else for that matter, because I have it shut off to prevent it from crashing and rebooting all the time.



(Not to mention my weight/exercising issues...)




But I guess, knowing my grandma is fine is the most important thing. However, the other things still bother me.

[Mara]

So I had a job interview yesterday. I'm about 50-50 on my chances on how it went and whether I got the job.

But they said I'll know in a few days, so stay tuned.



Otherwise, nothing is going on in this boring life of mine.