Kobi Quatiy(Complete)

[Cavalry King]

**I am not a mod, but I like to help out, you don't have to listen to anything I say etc. etc.

I haven't read through much of the bio but I would advise spacing out the paragraphs. makes it easier on the eyes.

Second, as of now you currently have the stats of a Force god. Your character's knowledge of the Force is almost on par with Yoda (with him probably being better) and his skill with a lightsaber would be a match to any Jedi Weaponmaster. And he is so young.

We take knighthood/ Dark Jedi equivalent, to happen at 22, meaning he only recently would have been considered more than a learner. To have progressed so far in such a short time is way to crazy. Perhaps if your character was several hundred, or a few thousand years old, they might have progressed that far in the force.

As an Assassin, you seek balance in your abilities. Check out a few accepted profiles to see their stats. As a young Assassin, you might know Shii-Cho and two or three other forms, or a few forms well focused in and trained. You should have mastered Shii-Cho by now. As well as be fairly decent in all the areas of the force, or above average in a few.

Nice description of appearance by the way. You don't go with my cop-out photoshop appearances or mediocre descriptions. Seems very good first shot!

[Mara]

It'll also be easier on the eyes if you use the regular size 2 font, instead of size 1.

[sparrow]

I'd suggest that you browse through some of the accepted jedi and dark jedi apps on the site to get a better sense of the acceptable range of stats for a character of your age.

Also, remove any mentions of Sith from the bio. In the current timeline the Sith are thought to be extinct for the past 300 years.

Like Cav, I enjoyed your detailed appearance description, and your bio looks pretty good (just remove the Sith stuff as mentioned above). Concerning his skills and abilities however, I do have a few suggestions.

What are your character's strengths and weaknesses? When I look over the skills, abilities, and attributes section of your char app I should be able to get a rough sense of this. I don't. He's above average in just about everything across the board.

How do you picture your character using a lightsaber? What's his style? Pick forms that much this style instead of having him know every single one. Same with Force abilities. What powers does he practice and use most often? Which areas of the Force does he neglect?

As a general rule of thumb, any stat 7 or above deserves at least a brief mention in the bio, since those are usually the character's strengths and would have some effect on his development. Also, if there are certain aspects of your character's abilities that are difficult to express through numbers, feel free to elaborate on them in the bio.

I noticed that you write down what you've edited with each edit. That's good. You might also want to make a post after each major edit, bumping up the topic and making it easier for us to tell that you've edited your app so that we can take another look at it.

[Mara]

PLEASE DO NOT DELETE YOUR BIOS.

If you are not satisfied, please EDIT INSTEAD.

We do not appreciate taking time (usually quite a lot) out of our day to help you out and give you tips, for you to just delete your bio because you might be upset.