Black white and shades of grey

[Sinvrick]

Cal (narration): My name is Cal Norman. I'm just like you well kind of. I was born what you would call colorblind. You know its hard to understand a lot of things like how to color in kindergarden. When the teacher looks at you telling you to grab a green pencil crayon and you happen to pick up the purple one. I think the most hard thing is that people say I have the best shade of blue eyes they have every seen. I have no idea what blue is, they attempt to explain to me about how a color can make you feel certain emotions. I remember when the love of my life tried to tell me that the color red can make you feel emotions such as love. I still don't know what a color really is. So I live my life like a normal person. I go to work at my my black and white job. I go and spend time with my grey friends.

Now here comes the sad part of my story. I'm dying. I'm only 21 years old. Before I die I wanted to see the world in color. My dream can't come true with my time running out. Am I sad not really, I've accepted my fate. I know the causes. My love Samy has shed many tears but will be their till my demise.

There is so much beauty in this world. When you grasp the world the way I have and fully understand it the same way. You realize a lot about yourself. But there is one thing I have always been missing in life. The one thing I don't know anything about. What is a color?
The definition of a color in the dictionary is, That aspect of things that is caused by differing qualities of the light reflected or emitted by them, definable in terms of the observer or of the light.

I know very confusing, it basically means that light reflects off an object projecting the color into the back of your eyes so you can perceive it as color. Thats the problem right there, mine don't do that.


OOC: this is just a very rough draft, but I'd like some feed back on this story I have been writing.

[Kella]

You've certainly got an interesting concept here. My first advice would be revision; it's your best friend. I know it sounds shallow, but people tend to take neat writing more seriously. What you've got to present is a fascinating story, so make sure you put your proverbial best foot forward.

I think as far as style goes, I get the impression that Cal is a bit immature, in the way you use words and expressions. Though, I think you're going for a more mature-sounding and contemplative piece. Try to avoid using slang or casual language, I'd think. Phrases like 'kind of' tend to sound a lot more casual. But maybe that's what you're going for, and if it is, you've got it covered! ;D

Hmm... as I think of any constructive criticism I can give... I'm not sure I quite understand how a color-blind person does perceive the world. I know what Cal doesn't see... but what does he see? What do the different shades of gray mean to him? Where does he find emotion, if not in color? Beauty? Of course, there's an art to leaving questions unanswered, so I won't let myself get carried away. But yeah, I think you might want to focus a little more on making the reader feel what Cal feels, see what Cal sees. Just a thought, though.

Again, I think you've an absolutely intriguing concept here... You've managed to catch my interest as far as wanting to know the rest of the story. Bravo! You did a good job of giving a good number of details about his life, but also leaving much in mystery... ;D 's great.