Jabberwookie

[Deceit *Drinker of Jawa-Juice*]

Alright, so we read in the poem, "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carrol in our creative writing class. After reading adaptations in class such as, "Jabberstocky", which is changed to something about Stock markets, and other various jabber poems, he assigned that we create our own Jabber Wock poem.

Requirements:
1. 8 syllables per line.
2. General ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGH IJIJ KLKL ABAB rhyme scheme.

So I disagreeignment is called Jabberwookie, and is based off of starwars. I took the wookie and did a spin off, and since I know more about Tattooine that any other place, I put it there. I hope you enjoy, and I also ask that if you have any constructive criticisms ( Like, say, I overlooked something or mispelled it ) give those to me. Prefferably before tomorrow, because it is due.


And so here...We...
GO!

"Jabberwookiee"

Twas blazing on the rolling dunes
Did stretch and undulate far off,
All mimsy were the Sarlacc's tunes,
And the Gamorreans in scoff.

"Beware the Jabberwookiee, son
The arms that tear, fur that tangles,
Beware the Tusken Raiders, shun
The frumious Krayt Dragon."

He took his light saber in hand,
Longtime the manxome foe he sought,
So he rested by the softest sand,
And stood a while in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwookiee, eyes of flame,
Came huffing over, thoughts no good,
And it did burble as it came,

One, Two! One, Two! And through and through!
The light saber went snicker-snack,
He left it dead, and with its head,
He then so went galumphing back.

"Thou hast slain the Jabberwookiee?
Come to my arms my beamish *Duce!!!( =.= )
Oh frabjous day, Callooh, Callee!"
He raised his glass of jawa juice.

Twas blazing on the rolling dunes
Did stretch and undulate far off,
All mimsy were the Sarlacc's tunes,
And the Gamorreans in scoff.

~*~

*Duce is the Latin phrase for leader.

[Kella]

xD This is awesome. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes or the like, but I wasn't particularly looking... roffle. Oh, well, except for the fact that 'Wookiee' has two 'e's, so I would assume you want two 'e's in 'Jabberwookiee'. Or maybe yours is intentional. roffle. X)

I did notice that the second stanza, and the second to last stanza both have an ABCB rhyme scheme... Which is probably intentional, roffle.

Awesome poem. xD Woot, Star Wars!

[Deceit *Drinker of Jawa-Juice*]

Thanks for the quick advice, Kella.

I'll go in and edit, the second and second to last Stanza's are done like that only b/c I couldn't think of anything better and remain within eight syllables. Honestly, I'm at a loss, if anyone can help me there, that would be much appreciatè.

( *Note, Appreciatè is a made up phrase[ **note two, as far as I know, its made up. ]. Made up as in, three seconds ago. )

And I'll edit the Wookiee spelling, thanks.

[Kella]

Not a prob. ;D

Best thing I can think of, which isn't really all that much, at this hour, is to substitude something like 'Callee!' instead of 'Callay', so that it Rhymes with 'Wookiee', seeing as that would be a prime place for a made-up-word... Unless, of course, you had a specific intent with 'Callay'. X)


Aaaaaand, that's about all I got. X) Perhaps someone else will have some more feedback for you, and not just this tired ol' Penguin. :P

[Deceit *Drinker of Jawa-Juice*]

Ah, thanks actually. It does rhyme now, and all I need is that blasphemous second verse and its a 100%...

*Gets to thinking*