Ebit Martw

[Ebit Martw]

Name: Etib Martw (Mart-u)

Race: Nautolan

Age: 22

Height: 6"2

Weight: 180lbs

Appearance: Etib has a many long tentacles that run down his back, he normally has two that go infront of his shoulders, they go down to just above his knees, He has orange/yellow bands on the tentacles. He has 2 deep red eyes, but he is blind in one eye due to a thick scar that runs from the beginning of a tentacle through his left eye and down his top lip. He has quite a serious face and barely smiles. He has skin dis-colourments on his face. He wears a chain around his neck as a sign of his past. He is very muscular and toned, he usually wearing long black robes with out the hood as the length of his tentacles is a way for him to show off.

Birth place: Glee Anselm - The Sabilon Region

Faction: Dark Jedi

Rank: Dark Jedi Marauder (ALMOST)

Bio: Etib was born in the Sabilon Region on Glee Anselm, His Family has quite abit of land on the outskirts of Sabilon and Etib and his 2 parents were attacked by the Anselmi. Etibs father faced them with a pistol and killed two of the 11 Anselmi attackers before being killed by the Anselmi. Etib's mother killed one with a Short Sword before being hit in the face with a vibroblade. Etib was only 8 when this happened while 8 Anselmi stormed the house looking for treasures and money. Etib ran into his fathers room and crawled under his parent's bunk and found the vibroblade that his father thought Etib didn't know about. Etib sat in his fathers room and waited under the bed for the Anselmi. A Anselmi came in and Etib attacked the guy with the vibroblade slitting his throat. Etib was so angry he ran out of his fathers room, Stabbing a Anselmi in the shoulder. An Anselmi shot Etib in the shoulder with a stunner and the anselmi who Etib had stabbed pulled out a dagger and ran it aggressivley through Etibs eye. The Other Anselmi took Etib to there camp and used Etib as a slave.

Two Years Later...
Etib was scarred, due to not being very well fed his body had begun wasting away causing de-colourings across his entire body. The Anselmi had more than Etib as a slave, Etib was mainly chained up alot. Then The Nautolans attacked the Anselmi encampment, driving them away from the Sabilon Region. Etib gained control of his parents past land but was never fully satisfied until he begun training with a vibroblade, it kind of made him feel whole, watching some holocron's that the village had from crashed Jedi and Dark Jedi ships and begun training in Shii Cho but then again, the anselmi weren't satisfied either were the Anselmi, A Group of 5, (All of them were from the previous assault) attacked the house again, and Etib attacked them with a vibroblade, cutting 3 of them down in quick cuts, the Anselmi were slow, mainly out of shock and suprise that a mere child was running at them with a blade. Etib was only 10 yet already a born killer, the force which he was yet to realise or control manipulating his anger and ten folding his strength. As the remaining two circled Etib they both swung in with their swords guessing Etib wouldn't be able to stop them both. But they were wrong, Etib blasted outwards in all directions with a force blast, 1 of the Anselmi cracking his head off a corner, the other stumbling back and out of a window. It wasn't a very strong telekinetic blast but it was enough to make them fall over.

1 Year On....
Etib had been training his force telekinesis alone, turning his back on the Nautolans and the Anselmi. Eventually a Ship Landed in one of Etib's fields. The Troopers Stormed he house but Ebit was ready, Knocking down parts of the house, killing the troopers, when the Dark Jedi Master entered the house Etib attempted to knock down that part but the Dark Jedi master stopped it and Etib was cast down by the Dark Jedi Master, The Dark Jedis Exact words were "You Are Strong, Strong In Both Combat and in Telekinesis, You will rise, You Shall Be My Apprentice" and Etib joined his new Master. His Master used to be a Jedi, na dhe still respected the way Jedi allowed there Padawans to become Knights, Via passing the Trials, and that is what this Master did, make his Apprentice's pass his set of Dark Jedi Trials. So His Master probed his mind and chose to find out which of Etib's Trials he had passed. Etib had passed the Trial of Skill when at the age of 10 he destroyed 5 fully sized Anselmis. He had passed the trial of flesh when he lost his parents and when he was a slave. He had passed the trial of Courage when he was 8 Attempting to take on 7 Anselmis. The only trial he hadn't passed was the Trial Of Spirit. After finding this information out, The Master opened up a holocron and found the location of a rare and powerful white crystal. He went and brought it back as one of his last gifts for Ebit.

5 Years Later...
Etib begins to have nightmares about the Anselmi killing his parents and him getting his eye cut through. His Master senses this and tells him it is time for his last trial. His master gives Etib his lightsaber, makes him pass out, put him in a shuttle directed to Glee Anselm. When Etib re-awakens he realises where he is but doesnt know what to do for his last trial, He simply clips his saber to his belt and walks up to his farm which Etib had sold half of it to one of his fathers friends. Etib realised that the Anselmi had took over the 3 Islands surrounding the Sabilon and that they were planning an attack. Etib launched a 1 man assault on the first island, he could sense no one of major importance on the island but wiping the Anselmi filth off the isle did him some good. Etib went to the other island and sensed the man who had killed his mother leading the island. Etib tore apart the island killing the Murderous leader. Etib took the leader ship, flying to the last of the island and sensing the man who had killed his father on this island. Etib shelled the island before landing the ship. He found the Father Killer under some rubble barely alive. Etib freed him, The Father Killer, his name unknown tried to kill Etib but Etib made the mans hand clasp around his own throat and choke himself till he died via force telekinesis. Etib took a ship and flew back to Korriban where his master told him, "Your Time With Me Has Passed, Now You Are The Greatest and Most Powerful of all of my students, On Your 22nd Birthday I Will Send You On A Mission, You Will Face Your Fears, and you will destroy them, and when you return with the item I wish for you to retrieve, You will Become A Marauder"

4 Years Later
Ebit's master decides to send Ebit on a warm up mission, Ebit is to kill his first Jedi Knight at the age of 20. Ebit went to The Works Of Coruscant and hunted the Jedi who was on a scouting mission. Ebit slammed the Jedi against the wall before stabbing his lightsaber into the Jedi's guy. Ebit tore out the Jedi's heart which is what his master requested. Ebit returned to his master and gave him the Jedi's heart. His Master was proud of what his apprentice had became.

2 Years Later
Ebit his now 22, His Master's mission for Ebit was that the Jedi Knight who he had killed 2 years ago, Ebit now had to kill that Jedi's Master. Which Is Where Ebit is Now...



Lightsaber: Its Single Bladed, Its has claws at the base of the hilt and several spikes and the blade emitter. The Blade Starter is a black button, and there is also a black and white spiral, which extends and shortens the blade. The Crystal was given to him by his master after his master found out that Ebit had already passed all his trials but one with out his masters help.
Color: White, When it comes in contact with another force user, its brightness intensifies massively.

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 5

Makashi - 3

Soresu - 3

Ataru - N/A

Shien / Djem So - N/A

>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A

>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A

Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Telekinetic: 6
Telepathic: 2
Body: 3
Sense: 2
Protection: 2
Healing: 3
Destruction: 5

Specialized Skills: Please use the link above to see what these are. You are not required to assign specialized force powers.

Attributes:
Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 6
Leadership: 5

Unarmed: 6
Melee Weapons: 6
Ranged Weapons: 2

Force Attunement: -5

RP Sample: Ebit heard his mother scream as he shaked underneath his parents bed. He heard a voice shout "Ha, ha, Take That You Schutta" Ebit flicked his tentacle over his shoulder and pushed a long box out from under the bed, His pale Webbed hands clicking the box lock open, he knew his dads password, it was Ebit's date of birth. He grasped the 2 clips, both either side of the box, Listening intently, He heard an Anselmi begin walking up the stairs, Ebit opened the clips, still listening, his breathing slowed, him not wanting to make much noise. He, slowly opened the lid of the box and looked at what was inside, a Vibro-blade. 'How am I meant to use this, its far to big, Why couldn't dad just get a blaster' - That was all that was going through Ebit's mind.

Ebit heard footsteps approaching his parents room, which is where he was. He grabbed the handle and crawled under the bed with it, He lifted the Vibro-blade, Putting the blunt edge of it against his chest, giving himself a sense of security and protection. The Anselmi walked into the room he was in, and another one raced upstairs and into Ebit's Room. Ebit slowly lifted himself onto his knees and pointed the tip of the blade handle at the exit of the bed. He Crawled out from under the bed as the Anselmi began rooting through the closet. He clutched the handle which he had cleverly placed at the exit and swung it out. It swung. Ebit had put to much momentum into it and it clinked into the bottom corner of the cupboard. 'Oh No' Flashed in Ebits mind. The Anselmi looked down at Ebit and a sick smile spread across his face. Ebit swung upwards taking the Anselmi offguard. The Blade cut through the soft flesh of the Ansemli's throat. The Blood gurgled out and over and down the vibro-blade. The Sword, once it had left the Anselmi Neck slammed into the bed. Ebit grabbed the Sword and hauled it out of the door, Seeing a 3rd Anselmi just getting up the stairs and Ebit swung with the vibroblade quite clumsily and just cuffed the Anselmi.

The Anselmi's Blood sprayed into the air and up the wall behind him, The Anselmi who was in Ebit's room had come out and fired, Ebit's eyes looked at the beam flying at him for a moment and lucky for Ebit, The Sword dropped from the anselmi shoulder and dragged Ebit to the floor the laser cutting into his shoulder. Ebit fell backwards onto his back, His life flashed before his eyes, his shoulder blade, blood dripping out of it. Ebit dropped the sword and covered up the laser wound. The Anselmi with the shoulder wound pulled out a Electric Enforcer and launched it into Ebit's shoulder wound. Okay Ebit, Deep Breaths, Here we go, Death Can't Be That bad... Ebit thought as the electric pumped round his body, as it hit his brain Ebit's back arched up, his eyes closing before his brain going out.


Here's the code:

[starwarsgirl008]

***I amo not a mod., so you do not have to listen to my review...

I havn't read the bio., but I know that at the age of nineteen, your character has not had enough time to train for some of the skills you have given him.

First off, you have too many saber skills. Most users of the Force master Shii-Cho and then begin to train with one or two other forms that appeal to them. I suggest keep the 5 in Shii-Cho and then put 1 in one form and 2 in another.

A Marauder would most likely not have a nine in Telekinetic (which is a Force ability), especially at the age of nineteen.

You realize a ten in attributes is god-like power. So you may want to consider lowering any attributes from 8-10 (although you may be able to stick with eight if your bio. is good).

Again, a -10 in Force attunement is pure evil. So a -9 is pretty close to your character wanting to kill anyone he sees. Are you sure this is the right level?

[Ebit Martw]

I have took your advice and I've dropped some saber skills, showing that my character trains in one at a time, I've lowered the telekinetic skills, The physical strength and the Force Atonement.

[sparrow]

Usual disclaimer: While I can review your bio and give you feedback to help you get approved, I cannot do the actual approving. That has to be someone with a green or red name.

First off, I think you should take a bit of time to look at the profiles of some of the accepted dark jedi applications for a sense of the stats that you can assign your character. Pay attention to the ones whose characters are similar to yours in age.

Lightsaber stats... For reference, it takes about ten years to master a lightsaber form. At the age of nineteen good saber stats would be a 5 in shii-cho, and 3 points in other forms.

Same with Force stats. 8 is very high and is usually a jedi master level number when it comes to force powers. Remember, 5 is competent, 6 is above average, 7 is pretty darn good, 8 is among the best, 9 is best of the best, and 10 is just plain godly. For a nineteen year old character, a 6 is about as high as you're gonna get.

Physical stats... same deal.

Also, no Sith Lords in the bio. It's a site rule. Dark Jedi masters maybe, but no actual sith. You said that his body was wasting away, so how did he become so strong? When did he discover his force sensitivity? When did he start training with a vibroblade?
How is he able to fight off five adults as a malnourished ten year old? The devil's always in the details.

Good luck!

[Ebit Martw]

Thanks for the advice , Ive dropped alot of stats, but, I am set on keeping Telekinesis relatively high, as it is his main force move, but also to balance it out on the powerful Telekinesis I have lowered the stats of two other force moves in stats.

I sorted out the bits which I missed with the bio, He began training in Shii Cho from holocrons and when the Anselmi attacked the force which activated on that day was fueling his strength, I have also explained his strength, his choice of becoming a sith marauder was to make sure he never became a Slave to anyone, So he made himself strong in the five years of solid training he did before choosing to look for an apprentice.

[Jenno]

Alright, I'll give this a quick look over.

Height: Please put height in feet .

Weight: 150lbs doesn't make it sound like Etib is as muscular as you describe in the appearance, I would have thought that due to his long tentacles he would tend to weigh more than a regular human of the same size as well. Probably want to push this up to about 180?

Appearance: No 'Sith' allowed so just call them robes instead of Sith robes.

Rank/Age: Marauder is a Knight rank and the minimum age of becoming a Knight is 22. Either go with Acolyte and lower the stats or up the age and fill in some gaps in the bio.

Bio:

I have to say that even with a small amount of training (or watching and practicing) it would be rather impossible for a ten year old to take out three adult sized opponents with the blade and then exert so much control when first using the Force. I highly doubt he'd be able to stop the blades, turn them and thrust them, there would most likely just be a fast little burst of a telekinetic push at that stage.

Also, just so you are aware, learning a lightsaber technique with a regular blade will leave your character at more of a disadvantage since the weapon does not fully match the style and techniques invented for the fast and nimble lightsaber.

And the Dark Jedi don't use a trial system, that's just the Jedi, for the Dark Jedi the apprentice usually just has to prove himself to the master, either by managing to complete a very dangerous mission which effectively portrays all your character has learned or the ever cliched, aprrentice killing master.

Again, eleven year old killing adults? And you don't really specify how other than saying 'with his mind'.

Lowering one's body with telekinesis or more accurately moving it through the air and controlling it when off land is Force Levitation, an extremely rare and hard technique to master. Why can't he just land the ship?

Making someone choke themselves to death would require telepathy and a high skill and weak minded opponent as well, but Etib doesn't seem very strong when it comes to telepathy.

With the five year leap you leave a lot untold, making his own lightsaber, learning of different styles, what's going on with his master and also, 22 is the minimum age for becoming a Marauder.

Overall I think the main thing you need to work on is just the flow of your sentences, you can write a lot but sometimes what you're saying gets a bit confusing.

Lightsaber: Probably best to explain when he made this also, white, just like black, is not a feasible colour for a lightsaber since the crystal would simply reflect any light off it's surface, probably causing the lightsaber to blow up. Any colour for your lightsaber which is a bit rare needs to be explained as well, you don't just stumble upon the less frequent colours.

Lightsaber stats:

Assuming you intend to up the age to 22, these stats are perfect for a Marauder.

Force stats:

Seeing as a Marauder is a use who is focused on lightsaber techniques and not the Force, I don't believe a 7 is feasible, for a Marauder a 7 would probably come when they were closer to being a Master. Here's the stats I would recommend based off the rank and bio:

Telekinetic: 6
Telepathic: 2
Body: 4
Sense: 3
Protection: 3
Healing: 2
Destruction: 4

Attributes:

These are fine.

Attunement: I'd probably say this was more of a -5/-6 at a push.

RP Sample: Hmm, for a Knight rank I don't believe this would be enough. Try to aim for at minimum three paragraps of 4-6 sentences each. Take your time with things, explain what's going on, how things happen, Etib's thoughts. This way you'll be able to get the Knight rank.

Thank you,

~Jenno

[Ebit Martw]

Okay Modificated

[Jace]

<Approved>

[Jace]

<Inactivated>

[Ebit Martw]

I need this put in the active apps again please

[Jenno]

It has been over a month since this user was last active.

Moved profile to Inactive.