Thordan ClanRanald

[war1313]

Name: Thordan ClanRanald
Race: Human
Age: 12
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 95 lbs
Appearance: See picture above
Birth place: Coruscant

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Youngling

Bio:
Pre Academy
Thordan was born into a poor family with many brothers and sisters, 4 older and 2 younger. His parents did the best they could with what they had but they could barely put enough food on the table. There were many times Thordan went to bed without eating, claiming not to be hungry, just so that his siblings, especially the younger two, could have more to eat. Birthdays weren't that special in his house simply because there wasn't the money to celebrate but every year his "Uncle", Santos Telspar, would bring him a special desert treat from a far off planet. It was the only time of year that his Uncle came around, staying only for a couple of hours before having to leave again. Nothing was ever said about his Uncle and any questions about him were quickly deflected or ignored by Thordan's parents anytime he was brought up or mentioned. Being a kid this never bothered Thordan but soon enough he would find out everything. On Thordan's 5th birthday Uncle Santos brought a specifically large and extravagant cake but pulled Thordan aside for a private conversation while the rest of the family started eating. Alone, "Uncle" Santos explained that he wasn't really related to Thordan and that he was actually a Jedi Knight. The real reason he came every year was to convince Thordan's parents to allow Thordan to start training as a Jedi. Every year they denied Santos saying they wanted more time with their son even though Santos explained that each year that passed meant slimmer chances of Thordan being accepted. After the two talked for nearly an hour Thordan's parents finally overheard what they were talking about and pulled the Jedi into another room. Thordan was told to stay put while the adults talked but he was now too curious so he hid around a corner and tried to listen in. He couldn't hear much as they kept their voices to a whisper but when he heard his mother crying he came around the corner and asked what was going on. Both his parents were now crying and couldn't speak so the Santos spoke words Thordan would never forget, "Your compassion, empathy, and willingness give to others before yourself are traits of a man well beyond his years. These are the traits that make strong Jedi Masters and your parents know that, so they've finally agreed to let you join the Academy. It's up to you of course but choose wisely as you won't be able to see your family again for a very long time, if ever." The rest of the memory is hazy but Thordan did remember hugging his parents as he left with the Jedi to start his new life.

Starting A New Life
At first it was strange being away from his family as he missed them but soon he found comfort the teachings of the Force. “The Force flows through everyone, everything, at all times. It connects us through time and space so you’ll always be close to your family so long as you stay close to the Force” said a Jedi knight who had once found Thordan crying and wishing to return home. From then on he was determined to master the force if only as his own way to stay close to the family that Thordan was no longer allowed to see. Before that Thordan always sat in the back never asking any sort questions, now he made sure to sit upfront and ask any question he could think of even if he thought it might sound stupid. His teacher’s always did a good job explaining things but Thordan always wanted to know more and was often told to look it up himself in the library. The first few times he found it quite boring and even a little difficult to find the sort of information he wanted but as he read more and more Thordan soon became entranced by the stories the library contained. One of his favourite subjects to read was about the famed Master Jedi, Odan-Urr. Master Odan-Urr was the founder of the Great Jedi Library on Ossus, revised the Jedi Code to its current status, and promoted knowledge over combat. Wanting to be like this great Jedi Master, Thordan began researching anything the Jedi Archives would let him. Classroom lessons, and the practice sessions especially, started to bore Thordan since he was more interested in how the force worked and not so much in how to use it. Unlike subjects like telekinesis and telepathy in which Thordan couldn’t find much information on, combat and fighting styles were very interesting to him and had a rich history in their development. Thordan spent many hours studying where these styles came from, why they were developed, and when they were used. He also enrolled in an unarmed combat class because he found that most combat derived from hand-to-hand fighting and so did their stances. Unlike most students who went into these classes just to learn the moves, Thordan had joined because it made his studying of the moves much easier. While other kids were practicing the moves in their free time, Thordan would study them in the library so he could better understand the reasoning behind each strike.

Growing Up
As the years went on Thordan soon found himself falling behind in experience when it came fighting. He never won any of the tournaments held by the Academy but Thordan would often place higher up in the top 20s, even managed a 9th place once. During one specific tournament he had defeated a particularly skilled female, Morgana Haloman, who was heavily favoured to win. When the tournament was over she had come up to Thordan and asked him how she had lost. “Even though you were faster, stronger, and more skilled in the moves you used; I knew when you were going to use the moves because I had a better understanding of why those strikes are used.” Thordan had replied. Morgana seemed to agree with Thordan’s explanation, “Would you help me with the understanding part if I helped you with the practical part?” Naturally Thordan agreed and the two became close friends, studying and practicing together anything they learned either in the classes or from their studies in the library. They kept this up for nearly three years before a Jedi Master took Morgana on as a Padawan after she had won two tournaments in a row. Since many younglings were taken as Padawans because of their victories in the tournaments Thordan was not surprised by the age of 12 he still hadn’t been taken on by a master. Although he was now placing in the top 10 nearly every time, Thordan still preferred to study the arts rather than practice them and it was often the reason he was out matched in the tournaments. When asked by other younglings how he felt about getting closer to the cut-off age and not being taken on as a Padawan yet, he would simply reply “Jedi are always patient and know that only when the time is right will any action be taken. Morgana wasn’t taken until she won her second tournament and now she’s being trained by a Jedi Master, not just some Knight.” Thordan was getting a little worried that he wouldn’t be able to fulfil his dream of becoming a fully fledged Jedi but he realized it didn’t matter because he knew that he would still end up helping others, even if it was in some other field of work.

Lightsaber: Training Saber
Color: Green

Practiced Lightsaber Forms:

Shii-Cho: 2
Makashi: N/A
Soresu: N/A
Ataru: N/A
Shien / Djem So: N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded: N/A
Niman: N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-Kai (Dual Wield): N/A
Juyo: N/A
Double Bladed Combat: N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities:

Telekinetic: 1
Telepathic: 1
Body: 1
Sense: 2
Protection: 3
Healing: 2
Destruction: N/A

Specialized Skills:
N/A

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 2
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 2
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 1
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement: +2

RP Sample:
N/A

[starwarsgirl008]

Okay, let me take wack at this...

The major thing that your bio. lacks is detail. In his early days, how did he interact with others? What did he play with and how did he spend his time? Answers to these questions give a structure to you character's personality.

It seems slightly unlikely that a child under the age of 5 would understand the struggles of his family and be able to sacrifice his meals for that of his siblings. Is there something more behind this?

Why would his parents invite him over to be tested as a Jedi when they knew they would be so hurt if he was to be accepted. And to add on to this, I don't think it is normal for families to invite Jedi over to their homes for testing. Jedi usually sense Force presence, and there are some cases when midi-chlorian is tested at doctor check ups.

You skip over 7 years! 1 years is practically 10 percent of his life, you are skipping over 70 percent of his life! Come on. What did he learn during this time? Who taught him? Did he meet anyone? How did he interact with others? What did he do in his free time?

You could a little more filling into do, but it shouldn't take you too long.

[Kella]

Heya! Not a bad start. ;D I'll try to keep this quick...

SWG is right, you will need some more detail in your bio. Tell us how he got along with the other younglings. Is he good with a saber, or just average? How about Force powers? Does he like then because they tie into his love for philosophy? Does he have any role-models? Jedi he looks up to, and wants to be like? How do these role models effect him? Does he prefer peace, or war for justice? Does--

Oh, dear, I seem to be getting carried away. But all the of the above could add good detail to your bio. Approach it in small chunks, a couple years at a time, and it's much easier to manage. ;D Or, well, it works for me. X)

Force Stats: Not too high in any one area, but a bit too high all-around. I'd recommend having one three, and two or less twos. Or you could even go so far as to only have three twos.
Numbers! Aaaah, I hope that made sense. ;D

Force Attunement: Keep in mind that there hasn't been anything to test his devotion to the force yet, and so a 2 would also be acceptable. However since this little guy has a mind for philosophy, I could see where he'd have a handle on good vs. evil. So 3 is acceptable too. At least, in my opinion.

SWG: Actually, you'd be surprised at how much children understand. Sure, he may not have understood it all, but if he saw that his little brothers and sisters were happier and smilier when they got fed, and that he was stronger than they were, I think it would be plausible.
<-- has a lot of experience with 5-year-olds.

*to self* Yeah Ashley, you kept that real quick... xD

Welp, I wish you luck in fleshing out your bio! Great start so far, keep it up. ;D This is great fun, I promise.

Wishes of speedy approval ahead! I'll probably look over the bio again once you've elaborated.

[randy]

Like the other's said, "more detail"

If you have trouble changing your bio and adding detail, I recommend making your character a little younger and finish off with join Ozzie Ackbars youngling class here, that's what I did with my bio(his profile name here is Maximus). Making your character younger will enable you with a short but detailed bio, instead of a L-O-N-G and detailed bio.

Your stats seem okay...

That's all what I can think of now, anyways that my advice I'm not a admin or anything, I just got approved so I'm trying to help others out. So you can take my advice or throw it out

[war1313]

Thank you for suggestions. I've changed the random jedi visiting to a more plausible story about him coming every year to try to convince the family; also added more detail to Thordan's years in the Academy (last few aren't skipped just generalized since not much would have happened). Telekinetic powers were also dropped by 2 points to equalize stats. Please share any more suggestions you have for the new bio as i'm use to smaller generalized bios rather than these full detail ones. I'm usually quite detailed when I'm activly RPing because I can play off others.

[Meira]

you’ll always be close to your family so long as you stay close to the Force

I really doubt the Jedi would teach him this. They want the children to disconnect from their former lives, not hold on.


That whole paragraph about the fight, while interesting, is unlikely. Younglings at the temple are under constant supervision. Such bully behavior is incredibly unlikely because the roots of it (fear of rejection, whatever) would be sensed by the Jedi in the temple. I just don't see how something could get started in the first place.


You say he lags in combat... but then you say he always seems to be in the top 10, that doesn't sound like lagging.


Stats:

Since he lags in combat, lower Shii-Cho to a 2

Physical strength at speed seem low, you can raise them to 2s.

Lower atunement to a 2

[war1313]

Thordan only lags in combat experience/practicality but constantly studies the moves and the history that make up the style(s). Experience will beat knowledge nearly every time but there's still skill to be learned by studying the style rather than just “going through the motions”. As such I'd like to think the stat is fine it's just the physical aspect would be lower (hence the lower strength). As for the quote from the Jedi I'm sure all children taken at that sort of age would miss their parents and the any Jedi would try to comfort them but still try to make them move on. By getting Thordan to focus more on the Force and his training the Jedi knows he'd soon find that he did not need his family and would slowly forget about them. Since I had to drop my great story about how Thordan went from a shy outcast to a social butterfly I’ve added the story about how he began training more on the practical side of combat rather than just studying it. I boosted speed by 1 but left strength lower to sort of explain why he’s got the 3 skill in Shii-Cho fighting style but doesn’t do as well when it comes to actual combat. Also I lowered his attunement since there isn’t much now supporting the higher rank but be fore warned I will be getting it back at some point. Muhahahahahaha.

[war1313]

It's been nearly 2 days since I updated my profile and I haven't received any more suggestions. Does this mean I'm getting the "ok" to start using this character because I'd really like to start joining in on the fun. If anyone has some other suggestions please post them and I'll take them into consideration otherwise I'd like to get an official approval from a mod for my current bio.

[Kella]

Don't worry, you haven't been forgotten! Meira usually can't get online on Weekends, though she and the other mods will be back soon.

Sadly, you can't do much with your character until you get approved...

However, there are lots of other things to do on the site while you wait. ;D You can always check out the General Chat section, which has topics from music to Star Wars, to Dollhouse. xD Personally, I'd recommend the Forum Games. They're great fun.

If you're still looking for something to do, you can read through the suggestions once more and double-check to make sure you've edited all the necessary things.

I thank you in advance for your patience! I know it can be hard though; I've had to wait too. X)

[Meira]

The stat is a representation of his skill, of what he can DO with a lightsaber. I can read all I want about lightsaber combat (or any form of combat) and understand the theory and everything, but that doesn't mean I can pick up a weapon and have any sort of skill with it. The stat is a physical representation, not theoretical. Please change it.

As for what the Jedi said, I can see your point and concede. I'll go ahead and approve, but make sure to change that stat.

[war1313]

Fair enough I've lowered the skill point in the fighting style but raised my strength as you had suggested earlier. I guess by lowering the skill I will have something to particular work on instead of just going ahead and upgrading most of my skills. Thank you for the approval now I have to go find myself a master to properly start my formal jedi training.

Profile Completed

[Jenno]

It has been over a month since this user was last active.

Moved profile to Inactive.