Halcyon Lorlan

[Midnight]

Name: Halcyon Lorlan
Race: Human
Age: 12
Height: 4'1"
Weight: 70lbs.
Appearance: Halcyon has creamy skin and dirty blond hair (dish water brown) which she keeps in a long braid down her back. She has beautiful pearl blue eyes that are like 2 shining diamonds. She is very slim and has absolutely no fat on her body visible to the eye. She wears light grey robes with sleeves that hug around her arms.



Birth place: Tatooine/ Mos Esiley

Faction: Dark Jedi
Rank: Acolyte

Bio: Halcyon was born to a couple who worked for a budding gang leader Nalla the Hut. As with many children, she lived with her parents in a small home and went to school. At the age of 4 she had a slight ability to make males do what she wants, the first showing of her Force powers. At the age of 5 members of a rival gang attacked and killed many of the people working for Nalla, Halcyon’s parents were some of the people to die. Halcyon was devastated. She grew angry at the people who killed her parents and tried to live alone but to no avail, she couldn’t get food. Her last resort was to become a slave because she had no way to make money or get food. Halcyon was quickly bought by slavers and taken in to be sold. At the age of 6 she was sold in Corosaunt to a spice addict. She was worked to the bone in an underground spice lab. (Consider this a common day meth lab.)

A year later a cloaked man bought her from the place because he realized her Force potential. The man was revealed to be a Dark Jedi by the name of Tianes Nitronis, who was finding recruits for his project. He trained her for 5 years in the ways of the Dark Side. He also taught her lightsaber combat and gave her a training saber. Finally he taught her to harness her anger and control it to feed her power. She was corrupted. At her age of 12 she believed she had learned enough knowledge from him and fled from him.

Halcyon spent months gathering money gambaling at street games and at cards. Halcyon also stole from the rich because she believed they already had enough money. Having acquired enough money she bought passage on a public transport to Coruscant. She believes if anyone in the Galaxy is connected to the Dark Energy and is recuriting they will be going there.

Lightsaber: Single Blade Training Saber
Color: Purple

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 3
Makashi N/A
Soresu N/A
Ataru N/A
Shien / Djem So N/A
Niman N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or duel Weild N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded N/A
Juyo / Vaapad N/A
Double Bladed Combat N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices: Force Push, Force Pull, Force Speed


Telekinetic: 2
Telepathic: 3
Body: 1
Sense: 2
Protection: 1
Healing: 2
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills: N/A


Attributes:

Physical Strength: 2
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 8
Leadership: 4

Unarmed: 5
Melee Weapons: 7
Ranged Weapons: 2

Force Attunement: ## -6

[Jenno]

You haven't included force power stats or her attributes.

when you say height 49" are you telling me she's 49 inches? that's 4'1" (four foot 1 inch), or are you saying 4'9" (four foot nine inches)?

'At the age of 4 she had an ability to make males do what she wants, the first showing of her Force powers.'

You're making this sound like she can always do it, she's 5 remember, the likeliness of her being able to pull it off is extremely low, so it'd be best to say that occasionally she could, or something along those lines.

'Halcyon was quickly bought slavers and taken in to be sold.'

Please add 'by' between 'bought' and 'slavers'.

She bought passage to Ossus in a salvagers ship because her powers detect the massive amount of Dark Energy concentrated there. She seeks revenge and believes the darkness is the only thing that can give it to her.

There would be no passages to Ossus, Ossus is a dead world, a barren world, there are no settlements there, the only people who go to Ossus would be scavengers, looking to find what they could from the few remains scattered across the planet. Also, if a small Neophyte can detect the Dark Lord from across the Galaxy, wouldn't the Jedi be able to do so? In which case, Iniquitous would be revealed. But since no one knows of his existence, you'll have to find another planet to go to, but don't worry he'll be traveling to recruit people.

One last thing, if you could, please add another paragraph, about half the size of your first one, just to make it seem a bit fuller.

Reply when you've updated.

Thank you,

~Jenno

[Midnight]

Updated!

[Jenno]

'Halcyon also stole from the rich because she believed they already has enough money. She now has enough money and has bought passage onto a public transporter to Corosathingy.'

Please change this to:

Halcyon also stole from the rich because she believed they already had enough money. Having acquired enough money she bought passage on a public transport to Coruscant.

There, that should be the only required change.

[Midnight]

Ok updated! ;D

[Jenno]

Okay, APPROVERIZED!

[Jenno]

It has been over a month since this user was last active.

Moved profile to Inactive.

[Mara]

Moved to active, per request.

[Zaine]

Not that this is a big deal since he's approved but [2 things] doesn't he need to refit this in the template?

And not to be mean but her speed is near-godlike. 8U

[Mara]

Nope.

[sparrow]

Moving to Inactive.