Otter's Den

[Otterling]

8 Dec, 2009

So I decided to start one of these bad boys up. Don't know how often I'm going to be updating this but what the hey, it's not like I can get to any other sites right now for such things anyway. I don't expect many to read this or comment as it can get boring for most people but hey, it's a place for me to vent/muse/and just entertain myself I suppose. XD Hehehehe.

So, my hand is cramping as I write this. I've been producing a painting per night and they take several hours each. I'm happy to be doing them though. I've been wanting to have something that inspires me to produce more art and every time I do a new one, I learn something new. I've produced more art during my return here than I have in a long while. ^__^ It makes me happy. I also admit that I love watching people's reactions to getting an image they didn't expect of a character they obviously love. ^__^ I know I've always been thrilled to receive art of any character I've played. it's interesting to see someone else's take on it.

So...other than that, not much new goes on in my world day to day; or at least it hasn't since I got out here. I'm deployed right now. Yeah, military. It's getting cold here and there's nothing at all in this barren place to stop the wind from blowing. There's just flat land as far as you can see. The wind whips up everything and blows sand all over the place. I always expected the sand to be like the stuff you find on a beach but this is a whole different animal. It's like powder out here. When the wind blows, it's like getting a face full of talcum powder, only grittier. >__<

I've got a full three more months till I get to go home. I miss my family a lot. I try not to think about it too much. I don't get any days off from work either, not that I'd have anywhere to go if I did. I work 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. :/ It starts to wear on me after a while. I'll be spending Christmas out here too. Meh, I'll live but it sucks to be so far from home with no way to get back.

When I'm not working, I spend what little amount of free time I have working out and doing laundry. I'm trying to put on a lot more muscle. I'm up to doing 16 pull ups, 33 push ups, and 33 squats in 12 minutes but I need to bring that time down. I'm also trying to reach the goal of bench pressing my own weight. We'll see. So far I can only throw up three sets of 5 with 75lbs each. Thursday, I'll up that to see how many I can throw up with 80lbs.

So...yeah. That's about it out here. I spend most of my day trying not to think about the bad things. I try my best not to think too hard about the notifications they send out almost every single day that calls for moments of silence when the Angel flights come through. Angel flights are when they bring home the Fallen. It's heartbreaking. I've had to bear through actually going to the ceremonies a few times.

It's not something I want to ever do again.

On happier topics though, I've got a good crew out here with me and we keep each other entertained. My friends and family back home send me boxes of random stuff just for the fun of it. They wander through dollar stores and pick up everything from "Grow your own frog" toys to those fun deely-bopper headbands I can wear when I feel silly. I can't wear them outside but I get my giggle where I can. One of my friends sent me glitter. I'm trying to find some chalk I can use to draw a tiny fairy outline on the sidewalk. XD I want to coat the area in glitter, put up a few numbered cards and make a fairy crime scene. LOL!

Oh yeah....I've been out here too long......

[Otterling]

Holy crap am I spastic today. I'm harassing my co-worker by making funny noises and raising various toys so they peer at him over the tops of my computer monitors. XD

This is a sign I've been here too long.

On a random side note, I have discovered that it's amazing what people take for granted in the world. It's not until you don't have something anymore that you really well and truly understand it's value. Out here, away from my family and friends save for those on-line, I find myself in a land where everything is flat and brown and dead. It smells. It's hot. It's boring. I work ever single day for 12 hours a day with no days off. And yet out here, I have learned what it is to be happy. NOT because I'm happy out here but because I realize that it isn't what we have that makes us happy, it's simply what we learn to appreciate. I'm a 30 year old woman who has been through hell before this and who is dedicated, strong, and tough....and yet I find that I'm giggling like a three year old because a friend of mine sent me a tiny wind up crab that scuttles humorously across my desk.

I think, in a way, it would be good for everyone to experience this. It puts things in perspective. You truly learn to appreciate what you have waiting at home and how good you have it normally when it gets taken away for a while.

You know what? I think I have discovered the meaning of life. No, really. Hear me out. This may or may not apply to you but it might be at least worth hearing.

The meaning of life is to LIVE. Surprise, right? But what does that mean? We survive day to day, working ourselves stupid to ensure we have enough money to pay the bills. We do our chores and we educate ourselves. We work so hard to make sure we have all the necessities...but how often do you stop to just enjoy them? When you eat, is it just an act of shoving food down your throat? Is the food cheap and greasy with no thought behind it?

To live means a lot of things to me. To TRULY live is my life's goal.

When I eat, I want to eat something *I* cooked. Something from scratch with all the best ingredients, filled with flavor and aromas. When I eat it, I want to savor every moment, taste every nuance of what is in it, and not feel rushed. I don't want to miss a minute of it.

I want to watch the sun rise and REALLY see it. Not just as some back drop to my hectic morning but as a goal in and of itself. To witness the miracle of light as it spreads across a dark blue sky and brings the whole world around me into day. I want to remember that moment for what it is instead of dismissing it. How many will I have? Who knows, so might as well enjoy each one, right?

I want to put on a comfortable t-shirt and the softest pair of socks I own and then sit in the sunshine of an open window in early spring. I want to go out with friends just to enjoy their company and the sounds of their laughter. I want to listen to the most beautiful music I can find and not be afraid to dance to it. I want to stand outside my home and truly take in what color the sky and the grass and the flowers are.

In our hectic day to day rush, how often do we really stop to enjoy what we worked so hard for? How often do we let that joy fill us?

I for one have learned out here that life is precious in every moment. I've learned what it is to be away from comforts and how a box of tinsel and glitter suddenly becomes the most precious of things when your world is full of brown.

[Otterling]

OMG. I. Hate. DRAMA.

SHOOT IT. Shoot it in the face!! >___<

So....yeah. My friend of ten years is dating some completely wacko crazy woman. She is one of those people who uses others for money and for attention. She can't leave well enough alone and has to put her opinion into EVERYTHING.

But WAIT! This gets BETTER!

So tonight, she calls my friend....from ENGLAND. Yes, that's right...she lives here in the US and was in England.

You see, she is a phone sex operator. She takes calls on a cell phone and talks dirty to people. So some guy in England that really likes her bought her a bunch of clothes and a plane ticket to fly to England to see him. Now, call me paranoid, but I'm not flying to another country to meet someone with whom the only interaction I've had was talking him through getting his jollies. But hey, whatever. So she flys out there, doesn't tell my friend she's going either and then....then things get BETTER.

So she has an argument with someone in Her Majesty's Homeland Security forces and promptly gets DEPORTED back to the US. XD ROFL!!! This, I would like to point out, had me laughing till I almost peed myself.

She had the audacity to call my friend and ask for a ride home from the airport. XD

So now, I'm laughing my butt off. XD Hehehehehe The lesson here? I hate drama...but I LOVE it when people who pull this crap get what they deserve.

[Otterling]

Yeah, more of me blathering to myself. Feel free to ignore.

That said, my art has been in a slump lately. I've been having a hard time producint anything more substantial than a bunch of doodles. :/ I have an art list a mile long and I can't get my imagination to do much more than sit there and look at me. >__< This evening, only about 20 minutes ago, I buckled down to try and finish a piece I've been working on for the last few days. I got started, got some progress going.....

and then my computer went blue screen and rebooted itself....before I could save.

Excuse me for a moment....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*

Ahem.

I'm better now. I'm going to see if I can restart Photoshop now and re-do all the work I just put into it again.

[Otterling]

Ok, so for once, I actually need some feedback on this blog thing. :/ I have found myself in a situation where I'm not sure what to think.

I have a friend who I've known for 2 years now. We've been pretty close buddies and I've done my best by her. When I came out here, she told me that she would write to me while I was gone. I didn't expect a mountain of letters but an e-mail now and then would be nice.

Well, it's three months later and I still haven't heard anything from her at all. I've heard from her husband who is a mutual friend and he was upset last time I talked to him that she still hadn't written to me. I have been through a lot of crap out here but I've tried to keep an open mind since I'm a fairly patient person. I told myself she was busy, she had other things going on, ect. I took some of the meager amount of time I have allotted each week for phone calls and I called her on her birthday. Everything seemed fine but still no letter, no e-mail from her. I went 36 hours without sleep to go off base with a small group and put my saftey at risk just to buy her a birthday present. I sent it and her husband sent me an e-mail saying thank you but still nothing from her.

So tonight, I went on-line a little earlier than I normally do and I visited Deviant Art. I love the site but I don't get to see it much. There I saw about a billion journal entries from her talking about her live chat sessions and about how bored she was. It just....it pissed me off. Here I've been worrying over whether she's ok and she's at home goofing off and telling everyone she's so bored. If she was so bored, why didn't she take 15 mintues out of the last THREE MONTHS I've been here to send me a single correspondence?

Am I wrong on this? Be honest, please. I don't know if my view on this is skewed from stress over being deployed but right now I feel hurt and REALLY angry. I even tried sending her a few e-mails when I got here but she never replied to any of them. I don't know what happened. She certainly hasn't said anything to me or her hubby about being angry with me and honestly....I hate to say it but I think she just sort of tossed me aside. I don't feel like I was even an afterthought. She has surrounded herself with new people to boost her ego and I'm left wondering if that's all I was for the last two years. Am I being over sensitive? Should I BE angry?

*sigh* Help.

[Hotel]

*hugs tight*

You have every right to be angry. Every right to be upset. From what I understand, you care about this person a lot. Enough that you risk your life just to get her a gift. She means that much to you. And she just seems to be ignoring you. Now she might be hiding something about how she is feeling, or she might just have pushed you aside. Either way, she should have at least said something. I know if I were you, I would be feeling very hurt right now. *hugs tight again* Sometimes you just end up finding those people, where you think they are your best friends, and it turns out they never really cared about you. Yeah it sucks. Yeah it hurts. But it also lets you look over your real friends and realize just how much they mean to you. The ones that would never abandon you, push you aside. And it helps you realize those are the ones that matter most.

[A®heim]

*wince* I hate it when that happens, and I can help...

...but you might not like it. I have more experience than one would imagine in these matters, but this one may be...difficult to discuss through forum posts.

However, if you still wish to enlist my help, I will do what I can. Perhaps though a more private interaction, though? Discussing such things in pubic view can be....bad. At best.