Post by Otterling on Dec 26, 2009 18:25:31 GMT -5
HI! Ok, I know this is a WIP but I thought I'd pop in and give it a look over so far. You can take the feedback or leave it as you see fit of course. 
Ok, so, to start, I REALLY love how creepy you make the whole scene with the Jedi coming to take the baby. I've never seen it put like that before. It really does make it feel like the mob has come for her or something. LOL! I love that. Anyway, you might want to check with a mod but I have no idea if the Council itself actually checks each and every baby to see if they would be allowed to train or not. Considering that there are thousands of Jedi, that would make for a very busy Council who would have a line of babies out the door. I think the only reason Anakin went before them was because of his age and his special midichlorian count. I could be wrong though so don't take my word for it. I would say if she's being put before the Council though, try to explain why that is.
I like the image but I think I want to hear more. I hope you elaborate on this as you continue with this bio. I like that she 'freaks out' but I want to know what that means. Do the masters notice her change in behavior? What do they think? Also, who were her friends?
Over all, I think you have a pretty good bio going so far. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of it.
Ok, so, to start, I REALLY love how creepy you make the whole scene with the Jedi coming to take the baby. I've never seen it put like that before. It really does make it feel like the mob has come for her or something. LOL! I love that. Anyway, you might want to check with a mod but I have no idea if the Council itself actually checks each and every baby to see if they would be allowed to train or not. Considering that there are thousands of Jedi, that would make for a very busy Council who would have a line of babies out the door. I think the only reason Anakin went before them was because of his age and his special midichlorian count. I could be wrong though so don't take my word for it. I would say if she's being put before the Council though, try to explain why that is.
The girl began to freak out and started to train extra-hard in effort to impress the masters, but has never come close.
I like the image but I think I want to hear more. I hope you elaborate on this as you continue with this bio. I like that she 'freaks out' but I want to know what that means. Do the masters notice her change in behavior? What do they think? Also, who were her friends?
Over all, I think you have a pretty good bio going so far. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of it.
