Veygo

[veygo]

Name: Veygo Cula
Race: Human/Miraluka
Age: 10
Height: 4'11
Weight: 70
Appearance:
Just wears her normal youngling robes of white and brown. She is blind, so her eyes are just a dull unseeing grey
Birth place: Dantooine
Faction: Jedi
Rank: Youngling
Bio:
There is not alot to say about young Veygo's life so far. Her father worked as a junk collector on Dantooine. Her mother was much more mysterious. She always wore a veil over her head, and no one ever saw her eyes. She was the subject of much gossip in the small settlement where they lived.

Veygo was born blind. Her eyes were very small, were colored a dull gray. Her father did not seem all to concerned about it though, and neither did her mother. They loved her more then anything else, and were the proudest of parents.

From an early age Veygo showed ability with the force. Her mother was the first to notice. While breast feeding, the baby Veygo would often grunt and groan, and her shirt would be "pushed" open more. It was something that scared her mother and father. Exactly why is not known, as this is the story of Veygo and not her parents.

Her days were just spent wandering a junk yard. Her mother helped her understand how to use her special gift...control of the force...to see, as was a natural ability of her people...atleast one half of them. So from about 1 year of age to a little after she was 5, her mother taught her to use the force to see, to feel the flow of the world.

For 5 years they kept Veygo, for the most part, hidden from the world. Several times a year a jedi would come by the settlement. It constantly worried them, and feeling their worry it made Veygo distrust the man. That was untill a faithfull day...

The man in the black robe arrived in their settlement on a crisp clear day. He murderered his way across the small settlement. He found his way to the junkyard where Veygo lived. Her murderered her parents in cold blood. He grabed the young Veygo and draged her kicking and screaming away from her home. That was when that man returned...he saved her life. Veygo had been knocked out by the dark robed man so she would not run during the fight...that was for the best. The kind jedi brought her with him back to the order...thus begining the true story of Veygo's life.

Veygo keeps to herself at the jedi temple. Distrust everyone around her and spends 90% of her time sitting alone in her room. Has spent the last 4 years sulking and spending all her time alone. Ignores her studies and instead likes to collect various amphibians and release them here and there for cheap laughs.

Lightsaber: Training blade
Color: blue
Lightsaber Styles:
Shii-cho- 1
Makashi-
Soresu-
Ataru-
Shien/ Djem so-
Niman-
Juyo/Vaapad-

Force Sensitive Abilities:
Telekinetic: 1
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 2
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:
Force Sight

Attributes:
Physical Strength: 2
Intelligence: 2
Speed: 3
Leadership: 1
Unarmed: 0
Melee Weapons: 0
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement: +1

[starwarsgirl008]

Hey there, here to lend you a hand with your profile.

First off, I ask that you add a little bit of a written discription to your character's appearance. That picture is great, but it only says so much. What did she normally wear? Does she have any scars or brith marks? Her eyes are closed in the picture- what do those look like?

Now I would like to give you my suggestions concerning your bio:

There is not alot to say about young Veygo's life so far.

Perhaps not compared to a full grown Jedi, but there are many more details you could incorporate into your bio. What was the average day like for Veygo? Did her parents play with her? Did she make any friends as a child? What did she learn and who taught it to her? Were there any other instances in which she used her Force abilities. All of these will effect Veygo's personality in the future. The more friends she has may effect how outgoing she is or how dependent she is on others. The way her parents treat her may effect how happy or sad she is generally. Get the point?

Her mother was much more mysterious. She always wore a veil over her head, and no one ever saw her eyes. She was the subject of much gossip in the small settlement where they lived.

It seems to me the Veygo's mother is quite the character. What was the reson behind her actions? Was she paranoid or something? What was the gossip about her? Did this effect Veygo in any way?

Besides a few more details about Veygo's childhood, I think you need some details about her involvement in the Order. At 8 years old, she probably would have had some basic training. How did she interact with others in the Order? What did she learn?

Stats:

I would suggest placing in all of the Lightsabers Forms and leaving them blank, as you will need them sooner or later and they are technically part of the profile format.

Secondly, I don't think yellow would have been the color for a training saber, as the crystals that caused a yellow blade were more rare than that of blue or green. Perhaps Veygo could obtain a yellow blade later in her Jedi career.

Next, you say she has the special skill of Force Sight. How did she obtain this skill? You don't actually need to put a number next to specialized skills, as we should be able to tell how well your character is with that skill in the biography, as the discovery and development of that skill should be well stated in the biography (*hint* *hint*). However, I doubt an 8 year old would have mastered any skill at this point.

Lastly, why is Veygo's intelligence skill higher than the rest? I see no instance in which her intelligence is shown at an exceptional level. Please remember, all of your stats. must be supported with details in the biography!

I hope my comments help you out- and good luck with your profile!

[veygo]

fixed a little....my first starwars app ever so...D:...

[starwarsgirl008]

Forgive me if I cam off a little demanding- I just wanted to help you out.

I would like to clarify what I meant by adding in the lightsaber stats., I think I confused you a bit. I meant that you should right out each stat as written on the profile template (i.e. Shii-Cho, Makashi, etc.) and then don't put a stat. next to them, as you will be adding them very soon anyway.

It's looking a little better. I haven't reread the bio yet, but I see you changed the age to 6. I just hope you are doing this because you want you character to be 6 as opposed to doing it to get out of some more work. If you need any help with ideas or understanding some elements of the SW universe feel free to PM anyone with a colored name, as we are all here to help you.

I deeply suggest you do raise the age of your character a little bit. It would only take one or two more paragrpahs and there are many benefits to it:

1. You could add a 1 or 2 to Shii-Cho in your lightsaber stats.

2. The Jedi years really take off when you become a Padawan, as that is when you start to go on missions and really get to see the Galaxy, until then you have to remain in the Temple and can really only interact with others, and participate in a few Youngling classes. This can be really fun, but only for a while. You will have to RP through 4 years of this, as you are not eligible to become a Padawan until 10 years of age. I thought 8 was a pretty good age.

[veygo]

fixed a little more...

[Jenno]

The first point is pretty much a reiteration and slight expansion of Starwarsgirl's point.

I personally recommend that the lowest age you go for is 10 with a Jedi character. Simply because at that is what we say is the minimum age that a youngling would be considered for an apprenticeship. This is because the Knight/Master will be taking their student on to missions with them and so they need a decent level of training so that they are not a major liability. And with the war beginning, Jedi are less likely to want to take on younger apprentices, simply because things get more dangerous during war time, even if the Jedi are not intending to get involved with it. So yes, I recommend you go for at least 10 in terms of age, which would mean you could boost your stats a little bit. Otherwise you will just be restricted to the temple for four IC years, which wont really give you much to do with the character.

Now, moving on from that point. The destruction skill should be at a 0 through the youngling years as Jedi are not taught abilities in this area, nor do they exercise any knowledge of this in the Temple, since they are so closely monitored they have no real opportunity to learn and practice abilities in that area. You find that if Jedi pick up skills in this area it is when they start going on mission and they don't have such a tight leash around their necks.

And for the special skill, Force Sight does not require a number next to it, it is a racial inheritance from her mother and so it works in a certain/unique way.

Good luck with the character and welcome to SWU .

~Alpha

[veygo]

hmm maybe i am being a little stubborn...but because i am so new to starwars rp i was hoping to start off very young and...dumb. My inexperience as a starwars rper would be more of an issue at this point then the characters age and inexperience. I do not mind spending a while doing...nothing. It gives me time to study the rp styles of the forum while still having a safe rp.

[Rugs]

Well, if you want to get some experience with Rping here, we do have a Roleplay Mentor section on the forum, run by Dutch and myself. If you feel like you need to learn some more about how we RP here, or like you could use some pointers, I'd suggest dropping in there, and we'll work with you. But, I really would like to just add my voice to what Alpha and SWG have said. It really probably would be better for you to just bump the age up a bit, so you can at least be eligible to be taken on as an apprentice. That doesn't mean you have to go master-hunting right off the bat, but once you feel you're ready, you can put yourself up to be taken on by someone and start getting more involved with missions and whatnot, rather than having to sit around and wait for four years to pass IC.

It's ultimately up to you, but there's my two cents.

[veygo]

again fixed...

[Hotel]

Hey there, told ya I would give it a go over, though as I said, not a mod, so its just a matter of opinion instead of something required.

From what I see, the stats look alright. Now with the bio... mabye go a bit more in depth with her time at the temple. Stuff so we can see her personality come out. Like, how did she react upon first coming to the temple, seeing it and all the people. Maybe talk about her sitting in on a class, or achieving something that means a lot to her, just to give the character and bio a bit more color. It doesnt have to be anything extravagent. Could be something as simple as being able to perform a simple trick she worked hard on learning, stuff like that

[Kella]

'ello, 'ello, 'ello. ;D Welcome to SWU! *plays music*

Anyway, I'm your friendly Jedi mod, and I'm on-so-terribly-sorry it took me so long to look over this... inevitably, real life beckons, and it can't be helped. X) Anyway, you're lookin' good! There are only a very few things I have to comment on...

Unarmed/Ranged/Melee: Go ahead and bring all these down to a zero -- that's usually what's expected of younglings. No worries, though, that can be confusing.

Speed: I'd recommend putting this at a 3. Right now, she can hardly outrun a turtle. xD

Personality: Now usually, for a youngling, I'd just kind of let this go, but... I know you can totally do it. ;D Somehow, I want to get a feel for her personality... you can do this one of two ways, and either is acceptable. You may add a 'personality' section after her appearance, giving us a general idea of her personality, or you can weave it into her bio, like Hotel suggested, and use some anecdotes to give us an impression of her personality. Whichever one makes the most sense to you, is fine.

Lastly, there's a good deal of dicipline at the Jedi temple... so if Veygo were to ignore her studies there would be consequences... So you can compensate, or you can write them in -- just as long as you acknowledge that.

I'm a bit hurried, so hopefully this all makes sense... and if it doesn't, don't hesitate to let me know. You're almost there!

[veygo]

i accept she is in trouble D:

and i am a bit...worried to write down a defining personality. I always feel i forget something important.

Anyway edited the things.

[Kella]

Roffle, no worries. ;D

And I think you're movin' in the right direction, so I stamp this with the....



Go forth and conquer the Galaxy with youngling innocence!

[Jenno]

Moved to Inactive.