Willis Ronick

[hapan]

Name: Willis Ronick

Race: Human

Age: 11

Height and weight: 5'0

Appearance: Slightly skinny, with brown hair and deep blue eyes that look like little oceans. His small appearance gives the impression of a runner and fragile. He has beautiful smile that can make even the angriest person smile back. His tan colored skin comes from the beating of the twin suns of Tatooine.

Birth place: Tatooine

Faction: Jedi

Rank: Youngling

Bio: Willis Ronick was born the son of farmers Jefris and Lissa Ronick. Jefris his father was a tall man, worn down from years of hard work on a moisture farm. In his eyes however you could still see the excitement and love for his life that he always had. His mother was beautiful and elegant, her eyes were like tiny jade jewels and her smile was more beautiful then a setting sun. Willis himself was a small child but his blue eyes and perfect smile made up for his lack in size. Willis’s first 3 years of his life was perfect, you could ask for better parents then the ones that he had. Some time in his third year of his life he was being baby sat be Ella a friend of his family. Willis’s father helped Ella out with a pesky womprat, a few years before that had gotten trapped in her home, she was so grateful for his help she demanded that he and his family stay for supper. After that she would ask Jefris to help her with other odd jobs and Ella quickly became friends with the Ronick family. While Willis was being watched by Ella, Jefris and Lissa where out trading with Jawa’s, trying to get some droids that Jefris could use on the farm. Then tragedy hit, on their way home Jefris and Lissa were attacked and killed by a group of sandpeople, leaving young Willis an orphan. The next morning word began to spread as 2 farmers were found dead in the dessert, Ella fearing the worst took Willis and tried to explain to him that those farmers might be his parents and that if they were that she would take care of him. There were tears coming from her eyes as she told him this, clinging to hope that was not there. It took 2 days for the body’s to be identified as they were torn up rather badly; a necklace around the female gave it away. The necklace was nothing more then a string with a tooth as the center piece; it was Lissa’s favorite necklace. Ella, who had never had a family of her own, was quick on her promise to take Willis in her home, she tried hard to be good for him, but in Willis’s heart she could never measure up to what he had just lost. At the age of 4 Willis became exceptionally interested in animal life, he would spend a little time each day staring out into the vast Tatooine dessert looking for the strange animal life that called it home. He considered himself lucky one day as he stared out in the dessert, for he saw a womprat lying wounded not far away. He could barely contain his excitement as he took the womprat and snuck it into his home. He labored of his new friend trying to restore its health, he couldn’t explain why but he just knew what was wrong with the rat. A broken leg and lack of food. So he wrapped the leg up and feed him, the whole while keeping him a secret from Ella, she would through a fight that would scare a Rancor! It didn’t take as long as he hoped it would, the newly healed womprat was egger to go home, out into the wild. So Young Willis had to part with his new friend, watching him scurry off into the Tatooine dessert.

ELSEWHERE
Mark Nesiam Jedi master was on his way home to Coruscant when he suddenly felt something through the Force. Something dark and sinister. He closed his eyes and willed the force to guide him, to reveal this feeling, this threat to him. In his mind an image came to him, an image of a dessert planet with 2 suns burning bright. Tatooine! He set new coordinates into his nav computer and set course for Tatooine in search of this darkness. When he arrived he climbed out of his ship and once again closed his eyes, using the force to find the dark feeling he had felt before, but it was gone the trail had gone cold. Defeated he sighed and got ready to climb back into his ship when he felt something else, a force presence. It wasn’t far away, he looked at the city, if that’s what you could call it, that he landed close to. The force signature was coming from that city. He walked into the city and looked around at the society of mixed culture species, it didn’t take him long to find the source of the force presence. It was coming from child no more then 100 feet away from him, playing in the dirt outside some housing structures. He was about to approach the boy when a lady come out of one of the homes calling for the boy to get inside and wash up. Mark Nesiam, Jedi Master began to walk towards the house.

It was Willis’s 5th birthday today; Ella had him go outside to play so that she could make ready a gift for him. He didn’t mind this decision, he loved to play and any excuse given to him to go outside he would take it. They had just sat down for some supper when there was a chime at the door; Ella got up and walked to the door to see who it was. A stranger dressed in a brown robe awaited outside and immediately engaged Ella in a conversation. Willis couldn’t hear what was being said but he could tell in Ella’s body language that it couldn’t be anything good. After several minutes of conversation she invited the man in and they approached Willis, Ella with a sad face knelt down so that she was looking into his eyes. “Willis,” she began, “this man here is a Jedi, and he is going to take you with him. You will get to become a Jedi.” “No,” Willis cried, “I want to stay here with you momma Ella.” There were tears in her eyes as she hugged Willis to her “no this is for the best you will have a far greater future as a Jedi then any you would find here, ill always be in your heart.” Willis, to shocked to say anything could only sit there and cry. Ella got up and walked to her room and came back out with something small in her hand. “Here Willis take this with you it was your mothers.” She handed him a necklace with the tooth of some unknown creature as the center piece, he took it and held it to his heart wishing that this wasn’t happening. Before he knew what was happening he was out side his home and inside some sort of space craft. He looked back toward Tatooine, his home, as it became smaller and smaller.

Life didn’t get any easier for Willis; his Jedi training was hindered by his feelings. He missed Ella something fierce and didn’t really want to be here; secretly he was hopping that the Jedi would decide he was a waste of time and send him home. He isolated himself from the other younglings preferring to keep to himself and not to make any friends. He was attempting to detach himself from everything that was Jedi. That continued until he was 8 years old, he had made no friends and barely spoke to anyone, that was until Jonny came into his life. Jonny was a 9 year old youngling that had great dreams of one day being the greatest Jedi ever. He had noticed Willis and always found himself curious about him and we he never talked to the others. One day he walked over to Willis in an attempt to make friends, but Willis after spending some much time to himself was quick to give Jonny the cold shoulder, but Jonny was a stubborn boy. Every day he would approach Willis and attempt to engage him in conversation with little success, but slowly he was getting past Willis’s walls of resistance. On Willis’s 9th birthday Jonny was quick to approach him and tell him happy birthday, this was Willis’s undoing as he broke down into tears, all the hurt he had held inside coming to the front in a rush of tears. Willis told Jonny about why he didn’t want to be a Jedi, about his parent’s death and about how much he missed Ella. Jonny watch Willis, listening carefully to what he was saying and offering words of encouragement when they were needed. Willis, after getting everything off his chest became more open and friendly and before he knew it Jonny and him had become best friends. Jonny encouraged Willis in his Jedi training with grand stories of Jedi hero’s and their seemingly imposable feat. At the age of 10 Willis was faced with one of the most difficult situations he has ever faced. Jonny a few months early became sick with a rare disease that had no cure, he was slowly dying. Willis sat beside Jonny as he laid in bed to weak to even be able to sit up, “Willis,” he began, “promise me you wont give up on being a Jedi.” Willis willing to tell his friend anything to ease his pain was quick to promise. Jonny closed his eyes complaining about being tired, and never opened them again. Willis began to cry tears of anguish as he watched helplessly as his best friend died right before his eyes. Willis was devastated, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t move, he just sat there staring at the unmoving form of his best friend. ‘I promised him I would be a Jedi,’ he thought to himself, ‘well I am going to become the greatest Jedi healer ever know, I wont watch another friend die’ filled with new determination that was fuelled by the sorrow of his lost friend Willis renewed his Jedi studying, trying to absorb everything he could on Jedi healing techniques. He vowed that he would make Jonny proud!

Lightsaber: Training Lightsaber

Lightsaber Styles: Shii-Cho 2

Force Sensitive Abilities:
-Telekinetic: 2
-Telepathic: 1
-Body: 1
-Sense: 2
-Protection: 2
-Healing: 3
-Destruction: 0

Attributes:
-Physical Strength: 2
-Intelligence: 4
-Speed: 4
-Leadership:2

-Unarmed:
-Melee Weapons: 0
-Ranged Weapons: 0

Attunement: +2

[.:Falcon:.]

Hello! I am Falcon, and I'm just going to give your bio a once-over, and give you a few tips so we can get it ready for acceptance!

The first thing that strikes me about Willis is that his bio is very spare. I know he's only 11, and not much has happened in his life yet, but there's always more room for detail. The key to any good bio is detail, and lots of it.

So first, we need to just get a bit more detail in there. What did Willis feel like while all this was going on? Was he scared, excited, ambivalent?

At the age of 5 a Jedi came by and told Ella of His force ability's and whisked him away to become a Jedi.

Jedi usually don't come to Tatooine. It's a fringe planet, outside the Republic, and the Republic (and by extension, the Jedi) have no presence there. Why was the Jedi there?

Remember, detail is key. What has his training experience been like? You give him a 1 in ranged weapons- why?

Your stats look good.

Overall, your bare bones are good, we just need to beef out the bio a bit.

[Arc <3 (who is a girl)]

Hello Hapan! I promised I'd come to have a look at your bio, so here I am! Please take into account that I am NOT a moderator, and thus have no power over your bio. You might want to listen to some of what I say, though, because it might help you in the long run.

First of all, I'm just going to echo what Falcon said and say that your history needs quite a bit more detail. The stats and everything else look ship-shape (despite the fact that his ranged skill is a 1, but I will elaborate on this later).

You immediately state that at the age of three, Willis' parents were brutally murdered. I would like to know more about this. How were they murdered? Were they both captured by the tuskans, or did they just wander outside and get killed? How did their deaths affect Willis? I know that he was only three years old at the time of the incident, but I would still expect a three year old child to suffer some trauma after the death of his parents. Was he sad that they were gone? Also, how did the family befriend Ella? If she was an old lady who lived alone, why did the family know her?

When he was five, you say that a Jedi came to Tatooine and "whisked him away". There are two things wrong with this sentence. First of all, Tatooine is a planet outside of the Republic. That means the Jedi don't visit Tatooine unless they're on a mission of some sort. Perhaps a Jedi was on a mission to Tatooine and stumbled across Force-sensitivity, and then went seeking the boy? This could make sense. Just come up with a mission that fits and you should be fine. Also, I don't think a Jedi would just up and "whisk" him away. He would first have a discussion with Ella; ask if she wanted her "son" to go off with the strange Jedi. Most parents, or foster parents, would find it hard to let their child go. Why didn't Ella feel this way? Did she just want the boy to be happy? Elaborate.

After that, you go into detail about his childhood before he was taken in to become a Jedi. I would place this information before the part about him becoming a Jedi. It just feels out of place.

After age five, we know NOTHING about Willis. When he was sent to the temple, he would become a Youngling. The Younglings years are very important to a Jedi's life, because they give us a little bit of information about Willis' personality, skills, and potential. Describe what those years were like. What did he learn? Did he progress quickly through his studies? Or was he an average student? Maybe even weaker than the other Younglings? (Playing as characters who aren't necessarily the strongest tends to be more interesting.) Did he make any friends at the temple? How does he feel about being a Jedi?

Just from this little outside view that you give us, we hardly know anything about Willis. Let us know who he really is. I want to know, I want to know, I want to know! I want details, I tell you! Haha.

Now, on to stats... I really didn't see a problem other than his ranged weapons being a 1. When did he learn to use ranged weapons? You didn't mention this at all in the bio. I also couldn't see his attunement being that high. Usually Younglings aren't complete saints. They hardly know anything about the Force at this point. (Well, they do know some, but not enough to clearly choose to do what is right under any circumstances.) Lower this to a 2, I think, and it should be satisfactory.

Other than that, you've got a great start. Just add some details and change up a few things and you should be ready to go.

Good luck, and May the Force be with you!

[.:Falcon:.]

Just two things I notice- first, you need to run a spell check on your bio, and also read over and fix some of your grammar structure. This is just for readability.

Second- you need to think up a different reason for a Jedi being on Tatooine. There would be no rumors of a Sith presence because the Sith have only existed for a few months in-game.

[Kella]

Hey there! 'tis I, Kella the friendly Jedi mod, randomly materializing out of my alternate universe to say, you've gotten some awesome advice from Arc and Falcon. ^^ I do so love my minions.

Anyway, once you think your bio's been satisfactorily updated, just post and say so! I'll be in to look at it not long after, or another minion will check it out. X)

And lastly, I shall say, welcome to the site! Always great to have some fresh meat-- I mean, a new member. X)

[.:Falcon:.]

Alrightly Hapan. Jedi Minion Falcon iz back.

1. How did Willis sense his parents death? Force sensitivity generally manifests as heightened awareness, quickened reflexes, etc, but I've never heard of suchhigh awareness in an untrained child.

2. Elaborate more on the Jedi's reasoning to go to Tatooine. Did he ask the Council, that sort of thing.

3. I don't think they would have let Willis keep his mother's necklace- separation from their parents is supposed to be complete.

[Cavalry King]

Bio seems solid, might want to run it through spell check again, Moisture was misspelled. Or you could use google chrome, which spell checks for you.

Falcon - the force can be fueled by emotion and strong attachments. Parent to child bond is very strong, since both of them died at the same time it is possible he may have felt it, but not necessarily realized what it was that he felt. Darth Bane actually killed his father in a dream when he was very young without any training, but it seems he changed it anyway.

I would venture to assume the Jedi would have confiscated the necklace but it is possible they might have left him with it a) because they didn't know it was his parents or b) they didn't think much of it.

[Kella]

--"Height and weight: 5'0"
O: His weight ran-ded awayz!!!! D:

--"She handed him a necklace with the tooth of some unknown creature as the center piece, he took it and held it to his heart wishing that this wasn’t happening."
It's okay that she hands him the necklace -- however, upon arriving at the temple, it would be taken away from him -- the Jedi don't permit belongings, especially not for younglings. A quick addition should fix it. X)

And that, my friend, is all, I do think! Once you've taken care of these two, let me know and I'll skim through it again.

However... I do strongly recommend considering another species. It'd take you maybe 30, 40 minutes to re-work his bio to incorporate a different species beautifully, and I think it will have been worth all the trouble. Honestly, I'm a bit sick of human male Padawans, but as always, you're free to chose your species as you will. X) Consider it for Willis, and in the future, though. Star Wars's Aliens can be so incredibly epic.

[Jenno]

Moved to Incomplete due to inactivity.