Post by Radu on Mar 21, 2010 7:51:42 GMT -5
Greetings again. As you already know, I'm Radu, I'm a new member, like you are, and I'd like to give you some application-related advice.
Hello, what have we here? My dear Maven, plagiarism is such a bad idea, it is. It's such a blatant copy-paste job it's not even funny: you even left the 'Image:' bit, from the other forum's coding, and the description 'Janot, brandishing his lightsaber-', without adding the actual images. You also used a different app template. As for that history, kindly look to what I wrote for you on your other app. You have a lot of gaps in there; the kind of bio-related questions I placed there could help.
My suggestions for you would be to read this board's required reads - rules, timeline, READ THIS BEFORE CREATING A JEDI CHARACTER, that sort of thing - and to use the application template provided here, adhering to the advice given there for each section.
Just in case someone wants to see how this looked initially, here is the entire version 1.0 of this app:
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Age: 29
Title: Jedi Knight
Alignment: Light
Homeworld: Coruscant
Midi-chlorian count: 14,513
Image:
Janot is a human with little distinguishing him from the rest of his race. He is of average height, with plain brown eyes and pale skin. His shoulder-length chestnut hair is choppy and layered, and he keeps a braid at the side of his head, hanging among his hair, a reminder that while he has passed from the stages of the padawan, he is still a padawan of the force. Not fully clean shaven, Janot has only stubble marring his cheeks, and has not at any point attempted to grow a beard.
Joled wears basic Jedi attire, preferring a white tunic and tabbard and dark outer robe. His simplistic lightsaber hangs at his belt, within easy reach of his dominant right hand. When partaking in missions as a Consular (his favored position within the Order) Joled will often wear gloves and an unhooded robe, keeping his face visible at all times to strengthen his connection with those he is consoling.
Janot, brandishing his lightsaber-
History:
Janot was an easy padawan. His simplistic nature, strength in the force and avoidance of violence made his teaching easy, and he passed the trials of the Jedi fairly early on in his life.
On becoming a knight, Janot took to becoming a Consular, used by the Jedi Council as a go between for the Republic Senate and factions beyond the Senate's control. His power in the force fitted his chosen path perfectly, and he often influenced advice and discussion with tricks of the mind. Conflict was very rarely initiated, and the times that aggression was necessary his defensive use of Soresu allowed him to prevail and escape explosive situations with his life.
He remains a loyal servant of the Council, and only hopes to increase his mastery of the force through greater tutelage by Jedi Masters, and through excessive mediation. His use of the force makes him a worthy opponent, although his skill with a lightsaber is not as proficient, especially due to his defensive nature. Against a blaster and an untrained lightsaber assailant, his Soresu serves him well, but against an opponent proficient in dueling, his form of combat is focused on his defense until an opportunity to utilize his force powers becomes apparent.
Joled's strength is found in his calm nature, a nature he attempts to instill in others around him. He believes in and accepts the Jedi Code and the orders of the Council without question, a total loyalty to the pledge he took as an apprentice. He believes in words rather than violence, and when possible will refrain from using his lightsaber, preferring to influence situations with the force. Serious and calculating, he finds others with a more loose and open approach difficult to converse with, leading him to prefer his own company and the serenity of meditation.
Alliance:
Jedi Order
Rank:
Knight
Lightsaber design:
Single
Lightsaber color:
Blue
Primary lightsaber form: Soresu
Skills
Knight: 34 Distribution points
Computers: 0
Demolitions: 0
Piloting: 10
Repair: 4
Stealth: 0
Security: 0
Persuasion: 14
Medication: 6
Feats
Knight: 36 Distribution points
Lightsaber Combat: 7
Lightsaber Dueling: 6
Melee Combat: 0
Ranged Combat: 0
Unarmed Combat: 0
Leadership: 5
Force Affinity: 8
Force Focus: 10
Attributes
Knight: 18 Distribution points
Strength: 2
Agility: 5
Endurance: 3
Wisdom: 8
Force Powers:
Force Push
Mind Control
Force Valour
Hello, what have we here? My dear Maven, plagiarism is such a bad idea, it is. It's such a blatant copy-paste job it's not even funny: you even left the 'Image:' bit, from the other forum's coding, and the description 'Janot, brandishing his lightsaber-', without adding the actual images. You also used a different app template. As for that history, kindly look to what I wrote for you on your other app. You have a lot of gaps in there; the kind of bio-related questions I placed there could help.
My suggestions for you would be to read this board's required reads - rules, timeline, READ THIS BEFORE CREATING A JEDI CHARACTER, that sort of thing - and to use the application template provided here, adhering to the advice given there for each section.
Just in case someone wants to see how this looked initially, here is the entire version 1.0 of this app:
Mar 21, 2010 5:27:31 GMT -5 @maven said:
Name: Joled JanotGender: Male
Race: Human
Age: 29
Title: Jedi Knight
Alignment: Light
Homeworld: Coruscant
Midi-chlorian count: 14,513
Image:
Janot is a human with little distinguishing him from the rest of his race. He is of average height, with plain brown eyes and pale skin. His shoulder-length chestnut hair is choppy and layered, and he keeps a braid at the side of his head, hanging among his hair, a reminder that while he has passed from the stages of the padawan, he is still a padawan of the force. Not fully clean shaven, Janot has only stubble marring his cheeks, and has not at any point attempted to grow a beard.
Joled wears basic Jedi attire, preferring a white tunic and tabbard and dark outer robe. His simplistic lightsaber hangs at his belt, within easy reach of his dominant right hand. When partaking in missions as a Consular (his favored position within the Order) Joled will often wear gloves and an unhooded robe, keeping his face visible at all times to strengthen his connection with those he is consoling.
Janot, brandishing his lightsaber-
History:
Janot was an easy padawan. His simplistic nature, strength in the force and avoidance of violence made his teaching easy, and he passed the trials of the Jedi fairly early on in his life.
On becoming a knight, Janot took to becoming a Consular, used by the Jedi Council as a go between for the Republic Senate and factions beyond the Senate's control. His power in the force fitted his chosen path perfectly, and he often influenced advice and discussion with tricks of the mind. Conflict was very rarely initiated, and the times that aggression was necessary his defensive use of Soresu allowed him to prevail and escape explosive situations with his life.
He remains a loyal servant of the Council, and only hopes to increase his mastery of the force through greater tutelage by Jedi Masters, and through excessive mediation. His use of the force makes him a worthy opponent, although his skill with a lightsaber is not as proficient, especially due to his defensive nature. Against a blaster and an untrained lightsaber assailant, his Soresu serves him well, but against an opponent proficient in dueling, his form of combat is focused on his defense until an opportunity to utilize his force powers becomes apparent.
Joled's strength is found in his calm nature, a nature he attempts to instill in others around him. He believes in and accepts the Jedi Code and the orders of the Council without question, a total loyalty to the pledge he took as an apprentice. He believes in words rather than violence, and when possible will refrain from using his lightsaber, preferring to influence situations with the force. Serious and calculating, he finds others with a more loose and open approach difficult to converse with, leading him to prefer his own company and the serenity of meditation.
Alliance:
Jedi Order
Rank:
Knight
Lightsaber design:
Single
Lightsaber color:
Blue
Primary lightsaber form: Soresu
Skills
Knight: 34 Distribution points
Computers: 0
Demolitions: 0
Piloting: 10
Repair: 4
Stealth: 0
Security: 0
Persuasion: 14
Medication: 6
Feats
Knight: 36 Distribution points
Lightsaber Combat: 7
Lightsaber Dueling: 6
Melee Combat: 0
Ranged Combat: 0
Unarmed Combat: 0
Leadership: 5
Force Affinity: 8
Force Focus: 10
Attributes
Knight: 18 Distribution points
Strength: 2
Agility: 5
Endurance: 3
Wisdom: 8
Force Powers:
Force Push
Mind Control
Force Valour
