Kalados Gray

[The Seal]

Character Name:
Kalados Gray

Character Source:
In SWU, pending.

Character Faction/Alignment:
Fringe. -1 . Kinda his own unless working.

Type of Roleplay:
Dramatic duels.

Roleplay Requirements:
Kalados versus a lower ranked Gang. Six people in there. And he has to kill the Leader. The other five people coming at him and he has to defeat them, and defend himself. Something like this.

Reason for Request: I want to test myself. Breaking away from the 2 liners I used to make. And to improve myself. And to see if I can fight a combination with two versus one.

Notes:
Uhm...Feel free to not go easy on me.

Roleplay:



It was night, cold, with a moon shinning down to an abandoned docking bay.It was no longer used by the goverment, so it became the head quarters of a small mobster group, causing trouble to the towns near-by. So, the locals,being unable to defend themselves, hired someone to take care of them.

The sky was clear, with no stars on it, only the moon. Lonely, all alone in the night, just like someone else. just like someone's empty heart in the middle of void itself. A black robed, hooded man was standing at the fenced gates, having his head hung low, and his rifle in hands. Loaded. Security lock removed.

there was a battle raging inside of him. He was killing again, for less than a honorable pay for the death of six people. But, a living is a living, he tough to himself as he kicked open the poorly locked seven feet tall fenced door, and made a step forward.

His heart starting to beat faster with each passing moment, as he leaned down to a old store house's wall. Closing his eyes, listening to the steps of a patrol. It was one, maybe two. he didn't know for sure. he placed his gun on his body, holding it with both hands now, and crouching down. Closing his left eye, and lifting his head a bit up, to get a clean aim.

His crimson red eye was the only thing seeable, due to the black clothing covering him in the dark. he forced his feelings away from the main happening. "Another one bites the dust." he whispered to himself as a light grin appeared on his lips. Bloodlust was awoken. His pupils decreased in size, it came like a drug, and hit hard.

His grab on his gun tightened, as he heard the steps coming closer.
"Come...Birdy." He said, his tongue flipping from his mouth and licking his upper lip. Waiting.

[Casual]

Aight, I suppose going hard is the quickest way to learn. > I'll take you up on that, but I expect you to follow up with it kinda thing. What I mean is, if I go hard, you're gonna step it up and give me awesomeness in a can. With that in mind, let's spank this pig!

It was night, cold, with a moon shinning down to an abandoned docking bay.

This sounds weird with the word order. Try mixing this up and saying something like: "It was a cold, moonlit night, trickles of moonlight illuminated an abandoned docking bay." Now, obviously, this might not be your style, and it's no where near the best choice of words and word order, but it flows, makes sense as a cohesive whole, type thing. I can imagine what you're saying, which is good, cuz you have the picture in your mind, now all you have to do is put it down. This is good, for all but the word order essentially.

goverment

"Government" The word order here is also a bit odd.

Lonely, all alone in the night, just like someone else. just like someone's empty heart in the middle of void itself.

What do you mean by "just like someone else" here? I don't know where you're going with that. The concept you follow it up with, an empty heart, is a very nice touch, but it would probably be better by attributing it to a person, rather than saying "someone's."

having

Remember to keep this in past tense, not present.

there was a battle raging inside of him

"There"

than a honorable

"An"

he tough to himself

I'm assuming you meant "told" rather than "tough"

His heart starting to beat faster

Remember, past tense. "Started"

to a old store house's wall

"to 'an' old store house's wall"

Closing his eyes, listening to the steps of a patrol.

Keep it in past tense.

only thing seeable

Not a word , try "visible"

His grab on his gun tightened, as he heard the steps

One, while grab does work, it doesn't really fit that well, try "grip"
Two, you don't really need a comma after tightened.

Overall: The RP's great, not much to note on there, your descriptions are well done, though the grammar and tense do need some work.

And so, let us begin:

Why's he got us workin' the docks so late? It ain't like we can't just do this a little earlier

The gruff Trandoshan Grawrk spoke in the moonlit night, his ultraviolet vision lending him a huge advantage here, but it wasn't enough for him to abhor his current situation. He spoke towards the human not far from him, who was clearly more disgruntled than he. This made for a much more interesting conversation as both of them would have much to say about their current "misfortune."

'e's a fool, tha's why. 'e thinks that it's gone be much betta if we do this lat'eh. And I can't 'elp but 'ate this nonsense, eitha

He spat. He wasn't a very bright man, but he was good at what he did. A bulky, strong man who was a surprisingly good shot always made for a good thug.

Gah, I'mma gunna go take a piss, you watch out fer wa'h'eva it is we s'posed to be wa'chin out fer

Grawrk merely hissed at this, taking the opportunity to inspect his gun casually. Drang, the human, clumsily made his way over to some nearby bushes to answer the call of nature. He was wholly unaware that it would be the last time he would do so.

[The Seal]

(( Haidar Casual Thanks for reading and trying to deal with me. It means a lot to me. I know, I might not be the best, but I'm trying to become at least something decent .
I'll work on the grammar and tenses , and hope the next result will be better. ))


Kalados stayed silent, and observing the human walking towards the bushes. And so it happen. Knowing, that after the shot, he will blow his cover, and then there wont be a way back, other then to kill or be killed. He hesitated, as his right index finger wrapped around the trigger of his gun.

But then he got a grip over himself. Enough slacking. Enough pity. This night, it all should end. Lifting the barrel of his gun to point straight up to the neck,as a small infrared light appeared there. Kalados would press the trigger, and, causing a red pointy beam of energy fly towards the human.

Not even a moment after that, without thinking, Kalados shot the human two more times. Now, aiming towards his back. In an attempt to finish him, just to be sure he wont stand up later on.

Now, his heart started to beat like a drum, his red pupils scanning the area around him, as now, the party did start.He ran from his hideout and lung on the ground, landed on his shoulder and slide across his neck,then making a roll on the ground. It was uncomfortable, and his shoulder started to pulse, and send a feeling of pain all over his body. But Kalados ignored it, to not let go of his gun as he would now , after the roll. Now be halfway crouched, with his gun point at the other patrol guard.

"One down, five to go." He whispered to himself for encouragement . As he looked around, he found a couple of empty barrels just a way feet away from him. He let out a barrage of five, six shots towards the Trandoshan, before making his way towards the barrels. Now, he knew it wouldn't offer more than a one or two shot protection, but better that than nothing.

Without any time to respond, he would continue to shot the Trandoshan. Various aiming. The Hope to hit him was bigger than to hit him with a good aim. he was supposed to be dead after the bullets anyway.

In total, he shot 15 bullets. For both targets. But, what were the results, he wasn't to sure off. Even though it was a surprise attack, he didn't had any too big hopes. Ne never had in general. To see before agree, was his motto.