Nathan Seafire

[Seafire]

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 15
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 120lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye. As tradition demands, as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used in a nimble and precise way during training. He has a lean body build. A little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs.

Nathan wears the traditional Jedi robes which consist of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. The colors aren't traditional, but his sense of style and fashion lead him to get them. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets. When not wearing his robes he can be caught wearing a black t-shirt with gray trousers. He likes to be comfy when he can.

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has a courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated, though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under control. He is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This stems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be accepted, he was lacking skills that the others had.

Like most Jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Here- The blade is wrapped in purple cloth and has two large chain links hanging at the bottom of it.
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 2
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - 1
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - 1
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 3
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 4
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 1
Melee Weapons: 1
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement:
+ 3

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother were once both agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant that they both decided to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had begun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was born in and though they had the choice of keeping him, they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi faced?

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink their decision. They requested that on his sixth birthday that the Jedi return and take Nathan to the temple. They weren't quite ready to separate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jedi told them that if he was to enter it would be before his sixth birthday, so he told them a week before his sixth birthday he would come and get the boy. Before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's potential and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Enclave A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside, the silhouette of someone came over the hills, his parents looked overhead with worry. The boy looked over towards his parents, the worry in their eyes alerted him to danger. They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he cowered in his mother's clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He unwrapped himself from his mother's clothing, as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look at his parents with a puzzled expression, while tears flowed down their eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself heading towards the Enclave with her. The boy looked up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her vehicle and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Enclave.

As he entered the Enclave the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the Enclave by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all. As time went on he found himself constantly thinking of Shandria as a wretched being. When he would see her around he simply turn his head with anger in his eyes. He knew it was hurting her and personally he was secretly enjoying it.

Nathan was being classified as a youngling by the Jedi's standards. He had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his lessons especially put a fire in his belly. It was about the force. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it to be fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of microscopic life-form that lived in him. They gave the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted different, he was most of the time quite and reserved. He really took the time to pay attention and take it all in. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spotlight. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, there was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the Force.

Friendships And Bonds, Seafire's Great Leap

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at saber combat and lacked in force powers, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the enclave had softened him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willingly released him to the Force.

The young boy formed ties to many of the younglings that trained with him. Nolam in particular was close to him. She had long black hair that was tied into one braid. Her soft features always looked pure and her shimmering blue eyes looked like were constantly pondering something. He remember looking into her eyes one day while sparring and thinking of his mother, she smelled of sweet flowers. Over time the two begin to think of each other as family, they talked everyday of their growth and problems of the lessons given to them. They had the relationship most common between a brother and sister. But anyone could tell they cared for each other.

As they got closer Nathan begin to feel stronger towards her. His feelings lead to many irrational decisions when around her. He would become flustered when sparring with her and end up slipping up, usually ending with him having a bad bruise or burn. She would always laugh at him when he blushed from gripping her hand, most of time it was because she had knocked him on his butt.

Nathan would often be visited by jedi Shandria Cyn. The woman that had escorted him to the Enclave on Dantooine. Nathan always greeted her with a skyward eyebrow when she approached him, only because he knew she would come rough housing with him. Shandria Cyn was very close with Nathan. She instructed him sometimes on ways to improve his stances or even on the force. Most of time though she acted like his mother. It would be wrong to say that he trusted her more than anyone else at the Enclave but he did.

On the day of his tenth birthday, Shandria Cyn showed up with news that she shared with him later that night. She been observing his progress and had decided to take him on as her padawan. His eyes had lit up with excitement from this , but he wondered if he could measure up. After all he was just a youngling and Shandria seemed to have alot faith in him.

The youngling accepted the offer of his Jedi knight and after a day of meditating and communicating with the Force, he stood before the council and vowed to uphold all the order stood for, the Force, his master, and The Republic. Afterwards he and his master took his first steps out the Enclave, it was Shandria's way of saying welcome to the world.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

Nathan had been given the title Padawan, his master was Jedi knight Shandria Cyn. Finally a graduate of the Enclave, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His questions flowed freely after that, was he better than them? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force? He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a Jedi knight like he had wanted. As a Padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the living force. Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible ?

Shandria took on Nathan's training and felt it necessary to improve certain aspects of his techniques along with adding things that she felt the Enclave couldn't teach him. She begin to instruct him in the way of the Soresu and Shien forms, she said that both of these were a combination of her own recipe to combat and by being her Padawan he would have to one day pass it down to his own. Nathan of course took this to heart and begin practicing the arts throughout the time he spent with her. Which made him pretty decent at both of the forms. Though not as good as his master.

As Nathan improved in his studies of Soresu and Shien, Shandria finally felt it was time for him to make his own lightsaber, the companion that would be with him always. The two traveled to the ice planet Of Illum in a shuttle. Nathan walked through the cave to find his own crystal, eventually finding a blue one. He sat in the chamber meditating over the crystal, he imbued the force that he was taught. After a month of meditation he had finally opened his eyes and seen the crystal glowing vibrantly. A smile spread across his face as he careful put the pieces of his light saber together. The precision and intricate ways he placed them together came from months of practice and instruction from Shandria. After he finished he came out the room with his saber in hand, looking at his master.

Nathan and Shandria as master and student were sent out to a planet on the outer rim on a diplomatic mission. The two were originally sent to escort a region's diplomat to a important meeting on his planet. But through a series of events, a plan slowly unfolded. Though the specifics wasn't in place, A Dark Jedi was on the planet to take the life of diplomat they were charged with protecting. The diplomat grew close to the planetary meeting and the Dark Jedi grew impatient. As his master predicted the Dark Jedi attacked. Nathan and Shandria took up a defensive formation as the Dark Jedi relentlessly attacked the two. The three jumped around the area in swift motions, of course Nathan was having trouble keeping up with the two veterans. The battle raged on until eventually Nathan acted as a distraction and catching the Dark Jedi off guard, Shandria ended the battle. The two got the diplomat to the meeting safely and in the end still didn't know the Dark Jedi's full reason for attacking.

A Shattered Future, Uncertainty In The Padawan

As him and Shandria was coming from a diplomatic mission and returning to Dantooine, he could see parts of his planet had been ravaged by war. His eyes widened at the parts of Dantooine he could see. His parents had lived closed to the area and Nathan just had to check on them. Landing in the once grassy plains of Dantooine, all that he could see now was the withering stems of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears flooded freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his Jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart.

Nathan and Shandria raced to the shuttle, Dantooine had obviously been under attack. The destination was now Coruscant, It was the only place that Shandria knew for sure she could find the answers. After a week of travel, the two landed on the planet Coruscant. As she landed on the Temple's platform, Shandria made sure to remind Nathan of the strictness of the Temple. That they weren't nearly as forgiving as the Enclave on Dantooine. They walked through the Temple and established their living arrangements, the two sat in a room and it wasn't long before Shandria was call to the council's room. It seemed like they had her in there for hours. He knew it was long enough that Nathan had to find way to entertain himself.

When she finally entered the room again the Jedi seemed a little distant from the boy. Nathan asked repeatedly with urgency where everyone was. If anyone had escaped, mostly worried about Nolam. Shandria facial expression said it all, her head shook from side to side. Nathan hadn't gotten a response, so he assumed they were the only survivors of the Dantooine take over. That night Nathan laid in his bed and dreamed of the world that was taken from him, his own world had been snatched from under him. How could that be? and why would it happen to him? During this point in his life he was happy to have Shandria with him.

A little over two weeks past and the two settled into the Temple. A noticeable difference in Shandria's attitude had changed. Nathan couldn't even distinguish her from a stranger anymore. She had became more temperamental and unpredictable. He could never place when she would be angry at a mistake he made or simply forgive him. Nathan begin to become distant from her as well. The day came when Nathan was awoken to the sound of officials bursting into his room. They looked around before asking him where Jedi Knight Shandria Cyn had ran off too. He searched for her with the guards of the Temple without any luck. Nathan was blown away with disbelief, his master wasn't one to run off on The Order. She always told him to keep the Republic and The Force strong. So why would she just abandon her ideals and him? With his only pillar broken the boy spiraled into a deep depression, for weeks he held himself up in his room. He didn't come out for anything other than to eat, anything other than that wasn't worth the energy.

Weeks later Nathan was call to the council to receive and give a report on the events that lead to Jedi knight Shandria Cyn's disappearance and the condition of Dantooine. They spoke on Dantooine's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had left the Order. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the Temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and waited for his judgement. While the details of Shandria's disappearance came to him. She had been seen by cameras in the Temple, it was seen that she had visited Nathan's room before leaving in a shuttle. Nathan laid in bed for days, depressed over the deaths of the ones closest to him. He lost everyone he ever cared for. If this was what Jedi were meant to endure than he wasn't sure if he wanted to be one anymore. It seemed as if everything was hitting him at once.

The Master-less Padawan

Nathan was lost in a void of depression and loneliness, at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant he knew no one and didn't allow anyone to grow close to him. The Council searched for a master to replace his former master but in the mean time he was to receive one on one training with the youngling instructors of the Temple. His training went well even with a hardened heart, but the instructors begin to talk among each other of his wavering heart and weak resolve in the Force. At the time Nathan didn't care, simply responding by showing less and less interest in being a Jedi.

During practice with a instructor a mysterious Jedi showed up and interrupted the sparring, asking if he could take a turn at taking the little kid on. Nathan barely spoke a word as the Jedi outclassed him in every subject of battle. He tossed him to the ground spurring non-sense about focusing and staying in the battle. It was like he was taunting Nathan for not caring enough. After awhile Nathan fell to the ground dripping in sweat, The man walked up to him and spoke on his distraught way of fighting, he said the pain he felt was transferred into the way he swung his blade. Nathan shook his head and for first time since his master died asked a Jedi for help. He said the best way to defeat a wavering heart was to dive deep into the Force and search for his resolve.

Nathan sat in a lone room, in a deep trance, he meditated. As he meditated many things came to him. He peered deep into his feelings and asked the Forced what he should do. It became apparent only after he realized or assumed on how his master was feeling. Nathan's eyes opened and looked on with resolve in his heart. His new goal would now be to find and return Shandria to the Force. Even if it meant searching to the ends of the outer rim for her. He left his room with a new feeling about his master, he now accepted that there was no point in holding on to his despair, he had to get back into training if he would become strong enough to find her. He returned to his usual classes and training, an instructor mention that he seemed like he had cleansed himself, something that Nathan smiled about almost instantly. The instructors eyes had widen slightly as no one had seen him smile since he had reached the Temple. It was large in contagious, something that was pleasing to him.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment while Nathan hung behind still wondering what she could want.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it that you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell sadden. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Nolam you don't have to worry anymore. I'm not a youngling anymore. I've been through this before. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. Tilll next time stay strong in the force. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on Shandria.

The boy's corridor slid open, he entered his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a great performance. Guess she can see through it. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

[Fromikeable]

Hello there! I am He who Wields the Great Hair, and I have tasked myself with reviewing Mister... Seafire here. Let's get to it then:

NOTE: I'm not a mod. If they say something contradicting my review here, they are right and I am wrong. Just want to get this here so you know. Now then...

Weight: Nathan is awful light for a 5'5" Human male. According to the chart from Papa Google, he should be at least 130 lbs. or so if he is of a healthy condition.

Appearance:

Firstly, you don't really need to list his height and weight again here. I would take this out and talk more about his build. I recognize that he's small and skinny, but go into more detail. Are his shoulders small? Are his limbs skinny? Can you see his bones?

I find no issue with his wardrobe. Moving on.

Personality:

In the last sentence in the first paragraph, you say he finds it hard to give up. Why? Does he hate feeling defeated or unaccomplished? Does he feel like he's failing some? Elaborate a little further.

In the second paragraph, you switch to past tense occasionally. You should remain in present tense throughout the paragraph.

The first sentence of the second paragraph is grammatically incorrect. It should be:
"Like most Jedi trainees, Nathan has a lot of good traits, but also a few bad ones."

"He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path."

This last sentence of the second paragraph is a bit of a quandary. You see, my young Padawan, the Jedi are taught to let go of attachment and to love, but not covet. You are not necessarily wrong for putting this here, but be aware that the mods might find trouble with it, and that this could very well lead to the Dark Side. Also, you forgot an "s", which I have inserted for you below:
"He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day. "

Saber Stats: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, no. Please understand that he is merely a 13-year-old padawan. Those stats are practically reflective of an experienced Jedi Knight. Therefore, I would keep Shii-Cho as it sits, but chop out the others. You might be able to get away with a point in Soresu or Shien/Djem So, but not without some serious justification in the bio.

Force Stats: Again, you're pushing the boundaries of a 13 year-old Padawan. You can maybe justify a 4 with some great writing in the bio, but the rest of those stats shouldn't exceed 3. Needless to say, that 5 in Force sense probably needs to come down. I'd leave that up to the mods as well, but there's my input.

Specialized Skills: You don't need to list attributes he doesn't have yet. As the character progresses, you can add them in (via mod approval).

Attributes:
More to come later!

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Mike did a good job, but I'm going to give my own review anyway.

Feb 18, 2012 23:55:42 GMT -5 Seafire said:

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 13
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 112lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye and a gentle tint of brown at ends of his hairI'm afraid human hair doesn't work that way.. as tradition followsShould read "As tradition demands", as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. The end of the braid is light brown like his hair. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used an'an' isn't needed here. a nimble and precise way during training. He a lean build, where a little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs. If visible to most that he eats his meals regulatoryImproper sentence.

Nathan wears the traditional jedi robes which consistsconsist. And since these are non-traditional colors, mention that. of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets and a black link chain that carries down the shoulder of his right arm to the wrist. Why does he have a chain from his shoulder to his wrist?

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has anA. An only comes before a vowel. courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated. Though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under control. Like mostI wouldn't say 'most.' he is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This steamsStems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be acceptedIncomplete sentence. His skills wasn'tsubject verb agreement on level with the others.

Like most jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Hilt is wrapped around with torn black fabric , three thick chain links hangs from the hilt as well.
Color: Dark Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 3 He's just barely out of being a Youngling, so his Shii Cho should be a 2, and he should have no points outside that.
Makashi -
Soresu - 1
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - 1
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 2
Telepathic: 3These are also far too high for a 13 year old. He should have maybe one three, and nowhere near a 5.
Body: 2
Sense: 5
Protection: 3
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 3
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 4
Ranged Weapons: 2At this age he will have no training in melee or ranged, so those should be extremely low.

Force Attunement:
Nathan Seafire + 3His name does not belong right here.

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother wasWere. Subject verb agreement is important. both once agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant didthat they both decidePast tense only in the bio to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had beginBegun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was birthed born inand though they had the choice of keeping him till the age of six they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi'sPlural of Jedi is still Jedi. faced?.

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink theretheir decision. They requested that at the age of Six the jedi return and take Nathan to the templeIt's before the sixth birthday. They weren't quite ready to separateseperate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jedi agreed and before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's power and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Jedi Temple A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside they could hear the roaring sound of a star fighterStarfighters are single occupancy, and they wouldn't require one since there is a Jedi enclave on Dantooine at this point. Even if they elected to take him to Coruscant they would first take him there. landing nearby. It was a disturbance that was new to Nathan. As they all look towards the sound they could see an approaching figure out in the distance. The boy looked over towards his parents, running to themextra space here . They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he coward in his mother clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He stepped from the clothingConfusing, reevaluate. as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look puzzling at his parentsWhat?, while tears flowed down theretheir eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself in her star fighter, heading towards the temple. The boy woke up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her starfighter and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Jedi Temple.

They approached the temple and Nathan angered at the force leave from his parents was still in awe at it's beautySentence makes no sense, reevaluate.. As he entered the temple the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the jedi temple by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all.

Years went by and he was classified as sa youngling by the jedi's standards. Nathan had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his classes especially put a fire in his belly. It was force classThere is no 'force class.' There are instructions in the nature of the Force and in the use of it, but these are lessons rather than a class.. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of intelligentNot intelligent, and incomplete sentence microscopic life-form that lived in all of us. They gave usNo 'we' in the bio. the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted out of the normalReevaluate, he was most of the time quite and reserved. Really taking the time to pay attentionIncomplete sentence. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spot light. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, theirthere was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the force.

Growing In The Force, Strike Down The Intruder

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at force powers and saber combat, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the temple had softensoftened. past tense please him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willing him released him to the forceWillingly released him to the Jedi.

One day after an intense training by his force jedi masterYou mean his Youngling Instructor? , Nathan had returned to his room, exhausted from his training the boy had went to take a shower. Unfortunately it was interrupted when the sound of glass shattering rumbled through his ears. Nathan hurried out and notice a band of common thieves and marauders invading the temple through the younglings quartersNo. The Jedi Temple is the most guarded place in the Galaxy, a fortress protected by the most powerful people around. There are no thieves and bandits rampaging in the hallways. You will delete all this.. Nathan stepped out with arrogance in his voice as he warned them to leave. But it was arrogance that would almost get him killed. They beat him without mercy and as one was about to offer the killing blow the young Jedi begin to resonate with the force, his body became surrounded with it and in a weak show of power he pushed the man and anything around him away. The man flew out the window, to what Nathan presumed his death. The others stared at the boy with malice and fear. Nathan stood, depleted, he felt weak and unstable. Unsure of the events that would happen next until the sound of footsteps entered the room and the sounds of their screams and a lightsaber filled the air. As the boy fell to the ground, he felt himself being picked up and carried away. His vision loosened slightly and the face of the woman that carried him off of Dantoonie came into sight. Jedi knight ; Shandria Cyn had saved him, if not for her he'd probably be dead.

The next day Nathan was brought infront of the council to discuss his reckless actions. In the end he was lectured about his rashness but thanks to Shandria Cyn the punishment wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. After that day Nathan held Shandria in the upmost of respect and considered her a strong jedi in the force. He admired her for the only reason he could, she had saved him.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

At the age of eleven Nathan had finally been given the title Padawan, his master was Shandria Cyn. Finally a graduatedgraduate of the temple, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His question'sApostrophe + s =/= plural flowed freely after that, was he better than them unnecessary space is unnecessary. ? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force. He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a jedi knight like he had wanted. As a padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the force.Merge these into one sentence with a comma Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible ? But while he meditated a terrible vision came to him. The vision of his mother and father being killed by the shattering waves of war. The boy's eyes shot open and he immediately went to find Shandria to see if he could fly out to his home planet Dantoonie. No children force-visions. Seeing requires a lot of points in sense that you don't have. This feat is impossible for your character. And it's Dantooine.

In her starfighter he could see parts of his planet being ravaged by war. His faith became shaky as he thought of the vision. Landing in the once grassy plains of Dantoonie, all that he could see now was the withering steams of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears flood freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart. Before he could even miss them, the two was approached by a shadowy figure. He could feel the very malevolence coming from this man as he appeared . Without a moments notice Shandria grabbed Nathan and hurried towards the starfighter. While Nathan was in a hurry to exact vengeance, Shandria could feel the Sith's true strength, this man was strong in the dark side and he had no morals or standards. He would kill her Padawan if he got in the way.

Nathan reluctantly entered the cruiser and for a moment so did Shandria. The boy strapped himself in the passenger seat before hearing the engine start up. It raised slightly off the ground before Nathan begin to search for Shandria. As he left his seat he looked out the window and noticed her fighting the sith. He was angered at himself for not being down there to help her. She held her own for a little while but was quickly overpowered, he watched him toss her to the ground before the ship blasted it off into the cosmos. The last words from her was of telepathic origin. It was a message for him to keep his faith in the force strong and to keep training. Your preteen child cannot fly a starship, make hyperspace calculations and travel across the galaxy by himself.

The ship landed back at the temple and when he arrived he was called to the grand council room. They spoke on Dantoonie's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had been killed by a Sith. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and awaited for his judgement. It was said to be decided on a later date but when exactly was never told. Nathan sat in his room meditating over the pieces of a light saber. It was the next part of his training that him Master Shandria was going to go over. Putting the pieces together the images of his homeland and the final sights of his master flashed in his head over and over again. The menacing feeling from the sith haunted his heart and fueled the furnace that was his vengeance. The images ended and the pieces fell to the ground. With the instability in his mind he wasn't ever going to make his lightsaber.

The Master-less Padawan

Two years have passed in Nathan has somewhat returned to his youthful ways. He still harbors a dangerous hatred for the sith that killed his master, a hatred that he's on multiple occasions have been told to keep in check. In regards to his Master issue he has been put in charge of finding himself a master. One that fits his balanced style. Not really having any form to his Shien Djem form it obvious he trains himself, he just attacks offensive in a wild manner. Usually during one of his anger fits during simulation training. Though now he carries a saber that resembles his master's. 4 months ago Nathan dove himself into a deep meditation over the specific parts needed to create a lightsaber. As he meditated he relived the moments again, accept this time he did what he felt he should have done those 2 years ago. Leaving the starfighter and faced the Sith with his master. The battle was long and hard, filled with fluent moves and masterful dodging. In the end, Shandria and Nathan worked together to cut down the Sith. When he awoke Nathan's lightsaber was complete. He held it up and pull from his over coat's pocket a piece of fabric from his master and wrapped it around the hilt. A soft smile showed on his face as memories of their meeting came to him.

As of now he walks with the rank of Padawan in search of a master to teach him the ways of the force properly. He won't be able to defeat the Sith by himself. To fulfill his secret vendetta against the Sith he needs a master to teach him the right methods of battling and using the force. No present tense in the bio. Redo all this.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment with Nathan close behind.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation with him.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Really. You guys shouldn't worry. I've been through this before last year. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on her.

The boy's corridor slid open, he enter his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a fake smile. What a joke. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

In conclusion, you have a lot of work to do and seem to lack an idea of what is acceptable for a character of this age and experience. You need to examine approved applications for an idea of what you should be doing.

[Seafire]

Corrected it. I'm ready for judgement once more.

[Ghostie]

Hey Seafire, I'm helping Lmr out by giving you a review I suppose. Sorry if I come across a bit rude.

Feb 18, 2012 23:55:42 GMT -5 Seafire said:

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 13
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 112lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye. As tradition demand, as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used in a nimble and precise way during training. He has a lean body build. A little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs.

Nathan wears the traditional jedi robes which consist of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. The colors aren't traditional, but his sense of style and fashion lead him to get them. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets. When not wearing his robes he can be caught wearing a black t-shirt with gray trousers. He likes to be comfy when he can.

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has a courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated. Though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under control. He is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This stems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be accepted, he was lacking skills that the others had.

Like most jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Here - Hilt is wrapped around with torn black fabric , three thick chain links hangs from the hilt as well.
Color: Dark Blue
Your lightsaber should be a simple training saber for now, with a simple color such as green, blue or yellow.

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 2
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - N/A
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 1
Sense: 2
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:
Battlemind
I doubt your thirteen year old padawan could learn, much less handle, a power such as Battlemind. This is a really advance Force Power. Usually only older Knights and Jedi Masters have such powers.

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 2
Intelligence: 3
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2
Strength is too low, unless you want him hobbling along on crutches. I would raise it one or two points.

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 0
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement:
+ 3

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother were both once agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant that they both decided to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had begun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was born in and though they had the choice of keeping him till the age of six they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi faced ?

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink their decision. They requested that a on his sixth birthday that the jedi return and take Nathan to the temple. They weren't quite ready to seperate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jedi told them that if he was to enter it would be before his sixth birthday, so he told them a week before his sixth birthday he would come and get the boy. Before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's potential and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Jedi Temple A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside, the silhouette of someone came over the hills, his parents looked overhead with worry. The boy looked over towards his parents, the worry in their eyes alerted him to danger. They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he coward in his mother clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He unwrapped himself from his mother's clothing, as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look puzzling at his parents, while tears flowed down there eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself heading towards the temple with her. The boy woke Looked instead of woke perhaps? up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her vehicle and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Jedi Temple.
There isn't a Temple on Dantooine. The more appropriate term is Enclave.

As he entered the temple the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the jedi temple by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all.
I didn't see anything in his past about grudges, perhaps you can add some to his Bio, that way it's not as if he all of a sudden has a problem with grudges?

Years went by and he was classified as a youngling by the jedi's standards. The day he was accepted he would've been a Youngling, not years afterwards. Nathan had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his lessons especially put a fire in his belly. It was about the force. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it to be fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of microscopic life-form that lived in all of us. They gave the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted different, he was most of the time quite and reserved. He really took the time to pay attention and take it all in. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spot light. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, there was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the force.

Friendships And Bonds, Seafire's Great Leap

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at force powers and saber combat, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the temple had softened him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willingly released him to the force. the Force should be capitalized. Grammar Nazism

The young boy formed ties to many of the younglings that trained with him. Nolam in particular was close to him. She had long black hair that was tied into one braid. Her soft features always looked pure and her shimmering blue eyes looked like were constantly pondering something. He remember looking into her eyes one day while sparring and thinking of his mother, she smell of sweet flowers. Over time the two begin to think of each other as family, they talked everyday of their growth and problems of the lessons given to them. They had the relationship most common between a brother and sister. But anyone could tell they cared for each other.

As they got closer Nathan begin to feel stronger towards her. His feelings lead to many irrational decisions when around her. He would become flustered when sparring with her and end up slipping up, usually ending with him having a bad bruise or burn. She would always laugh at him when he blushed from gripping her hand, most of time it was because she had knocked him on his butt.

Nathan would often be visited by jedi Shandria Cyn. The woman that had escorted him to the temple on Dantooine. Nathan always greeted her with skyward eyebrow when she approached him, only because he knew she would come rough housing with him. Shandria Cyn was very close with Nathan. She instructed him sometimes on way to improve his stances or even on the force. Most of time though she acted like his mother. It would be wrong to say that he trusted her more than anyone else at the temple.

On the day of his tenth birthday, Shandria Cyn showed up with news that she shared with him later that night. She been observing his progress and had decided to take him on as her padawan. His eyes had lit up with excitement from this , but he wondered if he could measure up. After all he was just a youngling and Shandria seemed to have alot faith in him.

The youngling accepted the offer of his jedi knight and after a day of meditating and communicating with the force, he would stand before the council and vow to uphold all the order stood for, the force, his master, and republic. Force and Republic need to be Capitalized. Grammar Nazi strikes again! Afterwards he and his master would take his first steps out the temple, it was Shandria's way of saying welcome to the world.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

By the age of eleven Nathan had been given the title Padawan, his master was jedi knight Shandria Cyn. Again, the moment Nathan is taken as a Padawan by Shandria he is automatically a Padawan, not a year afterwards. Finally a graduate of the temple, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His questions flowed freely after that, was he better than them? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force? He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a jedi knight like he had wanted. As a padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the living force. Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible ?

As him and Shandria was coming from a diplomatic mission and returning to Dantooine, he could see parts of his planet being ravaged by war. To his surprise he hadn't known of the invasion and asked immediately for her to land. Why would he be surprised he didn't know of the invasion. Had anyone known, the battle would've ended much differently. Landing in the once grassy plains of Dantoonie, all that he could see now was the withering steams of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears flood freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart. Before he could even miss them, the two was approached by a shadowy figure. He could feel the very malevolence coming from this man as he appeared . Without a moments notice Shandria grabbed Nathan and hurried towards the starfighter. Starfighter is a single occupancy vehicle. They would most likely have a shuttle. While Nathan was in a hurry to exact vengeance, Shandria could feel the jedi's true strength, this man was strong in the dark side and he had no morals or standards. He would kill her Padawan if he got in the way.

Nathan and Shandria raced to the cruiser but as they approached it the cruiser had lifted up, flying a little forwards. What cruiser? A cruiser is a massive ship compared to someone on foot. The two turned quickly to see the dark hooded figure draw his lightsaber out. Instantly Shandria placed herself between Nathan and the dark jedi, drawing her own lightsaber. As the stared at each, a moment a silence passed by than without a wasted second the dark jedi suddenly lunged at the two. As the two fought Nathan could only look on with worry while Shandria stood her ground and combated him. Was Nathan stunned by fear or something? As Shandria's padawan, it would've been his duty to help his master battle the dark Jedi. The two went at it than suddenly the dark jedi turned towards Nathan. His swiping motion came quick and Nathan had no response for it, but Shandria had. She took the stab to her side but with a quick counter attack left the dark jedi headless. His head rolled to the ground and Shandria barely alive lead Nathan to the cruiser. She leaned in her seat speeding to the temple, as they approached she slid on the platform unable to land correctly. The Jedi Temple on Coruscant? It would've probably taken at least a week to get there from Dantooine. The bumpy landing left her head laying on the headboard as if taking a rest in a classroom. She stared at Nathan and spoke simple words to him. Words that were that told him to stay true to himself and the force. She told him she was proud of how he'd turned out so far and not to let the deaths of parents and her turn to the dark side. Nathan wept tears as her last words left her body and the others came to little to late to revive her.

Days later Nathan was call to the council to receive a report on the events that lead to jedi knight Shandria Cyn's death. They spoke on Dantoonie's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had been killed. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and waited for his judgement. It was said to be decided on a later date but when exactly was never told. Nathan sat in his room meditating over the pieces of a light saber. It was the next part of his training that him and Master Shandria was going to go over. Putting the pieces together, the images of his homeland and the final sights of his master flashed in his head over and over again. The menacing feeling from the dark jedi haunted his heart and fueled the furnace that was his anger. The images ended and the pieces fell to the ground. With the instability in his mind he wasn't ever going to make his lightsaber.
Where did he get the lightsaber pieces? He would have to had aquire them, or build them, and then built the lightsaber himself. Be sure to include this.

The Master-less Padawan

Two years passed by and in a attempt for Nathan to move pass his master's death. After two years, Nathan would've been assigned to someone new. Nathan was allow to travel to the planet of Illum with a jedi instructor to complete one of many padawan trials. First, padawans don't have Trials. There are Trials for Knighthood and Trials to become a Master if one does not raise a padawan. Secondly, Going to Ilum and finishing his lightsaber is something Nathan would do with his next Master, not some Jedi Instructor. The creation of his most trusted companion, and the creation of the symbol of jedi, his lightsaber. As they approached the temple Nathan up at the frozen wasteland and imagined his master appearing with the story of her survival. He wished he wasn't so useless back than, that he was strong enough to defend himself. Than she wouldn't be dead now. The two entered the temple and dived deep into the cave searching for one of the force sensitive crystals. As he walked through a cluster of purple crystals he noticed a dark blue one in the mix. He was compelled by something to pick it, he felt a connection to it. It was like the color explained just how he felt about his master's death.

After mining the stone, Nathan sat in a lone room, in a deep trance he meditated. The pieces of his lightsaber floated infront of him and begin to place themselves in the specified places. As this happen Nathan traveled back to the day of his master's demise. Seeing himself behind his master, it was struggling experience. But suddenly the vision of himself suddenly stood beside his master and fought. They battled with the dark jedi and with a impressive show of teamwork ended him with only a few scratches. Shandria ruffled his hair with a gentle smile and few praises. A smile had spread across Nathan face as his eyes open and a lone tear flowed down his cheek. In front of him his lightsaber laid completed, and bare. Feeling that it needed more of a personal touch he wrapped his master fabric around it and added two more heavy duty links to it. The links represented his bond to his parents and the fabric represent his master's will to protect him. He left the temple with a new feeling about his master's death. Nathan still believed his weakness to be the cause of her death, but now he accepts that theirs no point in holding on to his hatred. The instructor mention that he seemed like he had cleansed himself in the chamber. Something that Nathan smiled about almost instantly. The instructors eyes had widen slightly as no one had seen him smile since his masters death. It was a pleasing sight.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment while Nathan hung behind still wondering what she could want.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it that you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell sadden. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Nolam you don't have to worry anymore. I'm not a youngling anymore. I've been through this before. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. Tilll next time stay strong in the force. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on Shandria.

The boy's corridor slid open, he entered his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a great performance. Guess she can see through it. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

[Seafire]

Completed again. I will do this as many times necessary to rp on this site.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

All right, you have review. Unlike the previous ones, please pay attention to this and make the changes requested of you.

Feb 18, 2012 23:55:42 GMT -5 Seafire said:

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 13
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 112lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye. As tradition demanddemands, as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used in a nimble and precise way during training. He has a lean body build. A little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs.

Nathan wears the traditional jedi robes which consist of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. The colors aren't traditional, but his sense of style and fashion lead him to get them. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets. When not wearing his robes he can be caught wearing a black t-shirt with gray trousers. He likes to be comfy when he can.

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has a courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated. Though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under controlIncomplete sentence, merge it with the last one using a comma.. He is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This stems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be accepted, he was lacking skills that the others had.

Like most jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Simple Training Saber
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 2
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - N/A
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 1
Sense: 2
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 3
Intelligence: 3
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 0
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement:
+ 3

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother were both onceReverse the order of those two words agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant that they both decided to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had begun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was born in and though they had the choice of keeping him till the age of sixSix is the cutoff, it's actually five they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi faced ?

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink their decision. They requested that aI don't think you need this 'a' on his sixth birthday that the jedi return and take Nathan to the temple. They weren't quite ready to seperate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jediJedi is a proper noun, so we capitalize it. I won't remind you again, please examine your whole application for this change. told them that if he was to enter it would be before his sixth birthday, so he told them a week before his sixth birthday he would come and get the boy. Before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's potential and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Jedi Temple A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside, the silhouette of someone came over the hills, his parents looked overhead with worry. The boy looked over towards his parents, the worry in their eyes alerted him to danger. They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he cowardcowered in his mother's clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He unwrapped himself from his mother's clothing, as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look puzzling at his parentsReevaluate., while tears flowed down thereTheir. I know I've corrected this for you before. Let me help you again: www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They're eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself heading towards the temple It's important to differentiate between Temple and Enclave. What Dantooine has is an Enclave, not the Temple. This is the only spot where I will correct you on this, so be sure to make the changes everywhere.with her. The boy looked up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her vehicle and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Enclave.

As he entered the temple the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the jedi temple by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all. As time went on he found himself constantly thinking of Shandria as a wreckedDo you mean wicked or wretched? being. When he would see her around he simplesimply turn his head with anger in his eyes. He knew it was hurting her and personally he was secretly enjoying it.

Nathan was being classified as a youngling by the jedi's standards. He had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his lessons especially put a fire in his belly. It was about the force. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it to be fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of microscopic life-form that lived in all of usAnd here we see yet again where you ignored my review. Next time you ask in the cbox for a review, make sure you've made the changes from the last one. Anything less is a waste of my time.. They gave the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted different, he was most of the time quite and reserved. He really took the time to pay attention and take it all in. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spot lightThis is one word.. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, there was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the Force.

Friendships And Bonds, Seafire's Great Leap

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at force powers and saber combat, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the temple had softened him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willingly released him to the force.

The young boy formed ties to many of the younglings that trained with him. Nolam in particular was close to him. She had long black hair that was tied into one braid. Her soft features always looked pure and her shimmering blue eyes looked like were constantly pondering something. He remember looking into her eyes one day while sparring and thinking of his mother, she smelled of sweet flowers. Over time the two begin to think of each other as family, they talked everyday of their growth and problems of the lessons given to them. They had the relationship most common between a brother and sister. But anyone could tell they cared for each other.

As they got closer Nathan begin to feel stronger towards her. His feelings lead to many irrational decisions when around her. He would become flustered when sparring with her and end up slipping up, usually ending with him having a bad bruise or burn. She would always laugh at him when he blushed from gripping her hand, most of time it was because she had knocked him on his butt.

Nathan would often be visited by jedi Shandria Cyn. The woman that had escorted him to the temple on Dantooine. Nathan always greeted her with skyward eyebrow when she approached him, only because he knew she would come rough housing with him. Shandria Cyn was very close with Nathan. She instructed him sometimes on wayways to improve his stances or even on the force. Most of time though she acted like his mother. It would be wrong to say that he trusted her more than anyone else at the temple.

On the day of his tenth birthday, Shandria Cyn showed up with news that she shared with him later that night. She been observing his progress and had decided to take him on as her padawan. His eyes had lit up with excitement from this , but he wondered if he could measure up. After all he was just a youngling and Shandria seemed to have alot faith in him.

The youngling accepted the offer of his jedi knight and after a day of meditating and communicating with the Force, he would stand before the council and vow to uphold all the order stood for, the Force, his master, and Republic. Afterwards he and his master would take his first steps out the temple, it was Shandria's way of saying welcome to the world. No conditional tense. We're interested in what did happen, not what would have happened. Third person, past tense. Nothing else is acceptable.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

Nathan had been given the title Padawan, his master was jedi knight Shandria Cyn. Finally a graduate of the temple, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His questions flowed freely after that, was he better than them? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force? He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a jedi knight like he had wanted. As a padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the living force. Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible ?

As him and Shandria was coming from a diplomatic mission and returning to Dantooine, he could see parts of his planet being ravaged by war. His eyes widenwidened. Past tense only. at the parts of Dantooine he could see. His parents had lived closed to the area and Nathan just had to check on them. Landing in the once grassy plains of DantoonieDantooine, all that he could see now was the withering steams of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears floodFlooded. Strictly speaking it isn't my responsibility to make all these corrections for you, I'm just doing that because I want to improve your app. freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart. Before he could even miss them, the two was approached by a shadowy figure. He could feel the very malevolence coming from this man as he appeared . Without a moments notice Shandria grabbed Nathan and hurried towards the shuttle they were riding in. While Nathan was in a hurry to exact vengeance, Shandria could feel the jedi's true strength, this man was strong in the dark side and he had no morals or standards. He would kill her Padawan if he got in the way.

Nathan and Shandria raced to the two seated spacecraft but as they approached it the shuttle had lifted up, flying a little forwards. The two turned quickly to see the dark hooded figure draw his lightsaber out. Instantly Shandria placed herself between Nathan and the dark jedi, drawing her own lightsaber. As thethey stared at each each other, a moment aof silence passed by than without a wasted second the dark jedi suddenly lunged at the two. As the two fought Nathan could only look on with worry while Shandria stood her ground and combated him. The two went at it than suddenly the dark jedi turned towards Nathan. His swiping motion came quick and Nathan was frozen in fear by the Jedi presence infront of him, but Shandria wasn't. She took the stab to her side but with a quick counter attack left the dark jedi headless. His head rolled to the ground and Shandria barely alive lead Nathan to the shuttle. She leaned in her seat speeding to the temple, as they approached she slid on the platform unable to land correctly. The bumpy landing left her head laying on the headboard as if taking a rest in a classroom. She stared at Nathan and spoke simple words to him. Words that were that told him to stay true to himself and the Force. She told him she was proud of how he'd turned out so far and not to let the deaths of parents and her turn to the dark side. Nathan wept tears as her last words left her body and the others came to little to late to revive her. There are problems with this section. 1. Dark Jedi don't go to a world with a Jedi enclave on it, and they don't attack without a reason. 2. The Sith attacked Dantooine, which included the Enclave. 3. The Jedi Temple is on Coruscant. This could all be just as easily done on a mission to anywhere if you didn't add in the Dantooine bits. The simple solution is to make him a year older and divide these into two separate events instead of running them together. There are also grammar and word choice errors in this section you should clear up when you make your changes. The subsequent section stems from this, so when this is reevaluated I'll look at it again.

Weeks later Nathan was call to the council to receive a report on the events that lead to jedi knight Shandria Cyn's death. They spoke on Dantoonie's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had been killed. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and waited for his judgement. It was said to be decided on a later date but when exactly was never told. Nathan sat in his room meditating over the pieces of a light saber. It was the next part of his training that him and Master Shandria was going to go over. Before had gone with her on the diplomatic mission. Shandria and Nathan had went out and picked the pieces out themselves. He was suppose to do it under her supervision but it looked like that wasn't going to happen anymore. Putting the pieces together, the images of his homeland and the final sights of his master flashed in his head over and over again. The menacing feeling from the dark jedi haunted his heart and fueled the furnace that was his anger. The images ended and the pieces fell to the ground. With the instability in his mind he wasn't ever going to make his lightsaber.

The Master-less Padawan

Time goes byGuess what I'm going to say to you here? and in a attempt for Nathan to move pass his master's death. Nathan was allow to travel to the planet of Coruscant with a jedi instructor to collect himself and return to the Force. As they approached the temple Nathan looked up at temple once more with a desolate stare. He wished he wasn't so useless back than, that he was strong enough to stand in the presence of that jedi. Than she wouldn't be dead now. The two entered the temple and for awhile Nathan studied one on one with youngling instructors. Many of them spoke on the boy's wavering heart and urged him to not tilt over to the dark side. He recommended the boy keep to himself in his room and meditate in the Force. He said that it would lead him where he would need to be.

Nathan sat in a lone room, in a deep trance he meditated. As this happen Nathan traveled back to the day of his master's demise. Seeing himself behind his master, it was struggling experience. But suddenly the vision of himself suddenly stood beside his master and fought. They battled with the dark jedi and with a impressive show of teamwork ended him with only a few scratches. Shandria ruffled his hair with a gentle smile and few praises. A smile had spread across Nathan face as his eyes open and a lone tear flowed down his cheek. He left the temple with a new feeling about his master's death. Nathan still believed his weakness to be the cause of her death, but now he accepts that theirsthere was no point in holding on to his hatred. Once he returned to Dantooine, aan instructor mention that he seemed like he had cleansed himself. merge sentences with commaSomething that Nathan smiled about almost instantly. The instructors eyes had widened slightly as no one had seen him smile since his masters death. It was a pleasing sight.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment while Nathan hung behind still wondering what she could want.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it that you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell sadden. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Nolam you don't have to worry anymore. I'm not a youngling anymore. I've been through this before. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. Tilll next time stay strong in the force. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on Shandria.

The boy's corridor slid open, he entered his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a great performance. Guess she can see through it. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

[Ghostie]

Another review Seafire!

Feb 18, 2012 23:55:42 GMT -5 Seafire said:

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 15
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 120lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye. As tradition demands, as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used in a nimble and precise way during training. He has a lean body build. A little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs.

Nathan wears the traditional Jedi robes which consist of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. The colors aren't traditional, but his sense of style and fashion lead him to get them. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets. When not wearing his robes he can be caught wearing a black t-shirt with gray trousers. He likes to be comfy when he can.

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has a courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated, though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under control. He is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This stems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be accepted, he was lacking skills that the others had.

Like most Jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Simple Training Saber
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Lower Shii-Cho to 3 and you should be good. Remember, he is only 15.

Shii-Cho - 4
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - 1
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 3
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 4
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Be sure to include where he got his Unarmed training from in the Bio.
Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 1
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement:
+ 3

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother were once both agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant that they both decided to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had begun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was born in and though they had the choice of keeping him, they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi faced?

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink their decision. They requested that on his sixth birthday that the jedi Jedi needs to be capitalized. return and take Nathan to the temple. They weren't quite ready to separate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jedi told them that if he was to enter it would be before his sixth birthday, so he told them a week before his sixth birthday he would come and get the boy. Before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's potential and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Enclave A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside, the silhouette of someone came over the hills, his parents looked overhead with worry. The boy looked over towards his parents, the worry in their eyes alerted him to danger. They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he cowered in his mother's clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He unwrapped himself from his mother's clothing, as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look at his parents with a puzzled expression, while tears flowed down their eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself heading towards the Enclave with her. The boy looked up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her vehicle and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Enclave.

As he entered the Enclave the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the Enclave by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all. As time went on he found himself constantly thinking of Shandria as a wretched being. When he would see her around he simply turn his head with anger in his eyes. He knew it was hurting her and personally he was secretly enjoying it.

Nathan was being classified as a youngling by the Jedi's standards. He had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his lessons especially put a fire in his belly. It was about the force. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it to be fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of microscopic life-form that lived in him. They gave the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted different, he was most of the time quite and reserved. He really took the time to pay attention and take it all in. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spotlight. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, there was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the Force.

Friendships And Bonds, Seafire's Great Leap

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at force powers and saber combat, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Most Jedi are partial to combat or the Force, and his Force stats don't show him to be good at Force abilities. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the enclave had softened him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willingly released him to the Force.

The young boy formed ties to many of the younglings that trained with him. Nolam in particular was close to him. She had long black hair that was tied into one braid. Her soft features always looked pure and her shimmering blue eyes looked like were constantly pondering something. He remember looking into her eyes one day while sparring and thinking of his mother, she smelled of sweet flowers. Over time the two begin to think of each other as family, they talked everyday of their growth and problems of the lessons given to them. They had the relationship most common between a brother and sister. But anyone could tell they cared for each other.

As they got closer Nathan begin to feel stronger towards her. His feelings lead to many irrational decisions when around her. He would become flustered when sparring with her and end up slipping up, usually ending with him having a bad bruise or burn. She would always laugh at him when he blushed from gripping her hand, most of time it was because she had knocked him on his butt.

Nathan would often be visited by jedi Shandria Cyn. The woman that had escorted him to the Enclave on Dantooine. Nathan always greeted her with a skyward eyebrow when she approached him, only because he knew she would come rough housing with him. Shandria Cyn was very close with Nathan. She instructed him sometimes on ways to improve his stances or even on the force. Most of time though she acted like his mother. It would be wrong to say that he trusted her more than anyone else at the Enclave but he did.

On the day of his tenth birthday, Shandria Cyn showed up with news that she shared with him later that night. She been observing his progress and had decided to take him on as her padawan. His eyes had lit up with excitement from this , but he wondered if he could measure up. After all he was just a youngling and Shandria seemed to have alot faith in him.

The youngling accepted the offer of his Jedi knight and after a day of meditating and communicating with the Force, he stood before the council and vowed to uphold all the order stood for, the Force, his master, and The Republic. Afterwards he and his master took his first steps out the Enclave, it was Shandria's way of saying welcome to the world.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

Nathan had been given the title Padawan, his master was Jedi knight Shandria Cyn. Finally a graduate of the Enclave, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His questions flowed freely after that, was he better than them? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force? He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a Jedi knight like he had wanted. As a Padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the living force. Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible?

Nathan and Shandria as master and student was sent out to a planet on the outer rim on a diplomatic mission. The two was originally sent to escort a region's diplomat to the preceding meeting on his planet. But through a series of events, a plan slowly unfolded. Though the specifics wasn't in place, A Dark Jedi was on the planet to take the life of diplomat they were charged with protecting. The diplomatic grew close to the planetary meeting and the Dark Jedi grew impatient. As his master predicted the Dark Jedi attacked. Nathan and Shandria took up a defensive formation as the Dark Jedi relentlessly attacked the two. The three jumped around the area in swift motions, of course Nathan was having trouble keeping up with the two veterans. The battle raged on until eventually Nathan acted as a distraction and catching the Dark Jedi off guard, Shandria ended the battle. The two got the diplomat to the meeting safely and in the end still didn't know the Dark Jedi's full reason for attacking.

A Shattered Future, Uncertainty In The Padawan

As him and Shandria was coming from a diplomatic mission and returning to Dantooine, he could see parts of his planet had been ravaged by war. His eyes widened at the parts of Dantooine he could see. His parents had lived closed to the area and Nathan just had to check on them. Landing in the once grassy plains of Dantooine, all that he could see now was the withering stems of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears flooded freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his Jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart.

Nathan and Shandria raced to the shuttle, Dantooine had obviously been under attack. The two raced to The Enclave only to find it in shambles as well. Shandria told Nathan to wait outside as she searched the Enclave for survivors, hoping to find anyone but whoever had done this had done a thorough job. No one was left and after having a proper Jedi ceremony for the past loved ones the two had left for The Jedi Temple on planet Coruscant. It was the only place that Shandria knew for sure she could find the answers. The first day of their week long journey to Jedi Temple, Nathan begin to notice that Shandria had a bad cough, eventually telling himself that she caught a cold. The week came to a end and her health was severely deteriorated. Nathan looked on as she had problems keeping the ship steady. The landing they were going to have would be shaky and Nathan was terrified at his Master's condition.

Just to let you know, it would've been extremely hard for two Jedi to get to Dantooine after it was conquered, they Sith do have quite the military presence there. They would've had to come in, under the radar somehow. And The Sith would've most likely had some kind of guard or troops around the Enclave guarding it or raiding it. Just keep in mind at this part that the Sith now rule Dantooine, and they kill Jedi on sight.

She leaned in her seat speeding to the temple, as they approached she slid on the platform unable to land correctly. The bumpy landing left her head laying on the headboard as if taking a rest in a classroom. She stared at Nathan and spoke simple words to him. Words that told him to stay true to himself and the Force. She told him she was proud of how he'd turned out so far and not to let the deaths of his parents and her turn him to the dark side. Nathan wept tears as her last words left her body and the others came to little to late to revive her.

Weeks later Nathan was call to the council to receive and give a report on the events that lead to Jedi knight Shandria Cyn's death. They spoke on Dantoonie's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had died. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and waited for his judgement. While the details of Shandria's demise came to him. She was poisoned with a chemical that had been floating around the Enclave on Dantooine. He was tested for the poison later that day, the test came back negative. Nathan laid in bed for days, depressed over the death of the ones closest to him. He lost everyone he ever cared for, all in the span of a week. If this was what Jedi were meant to endure than he wasn't sure if he wanted to be one anymore.

The Master-less Padawan

Nathan was lost in a void of depression and loneliness, at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant he knew no one and didn't allow anyone to grow close to him. The Council searched for a master to replace his former master but in the mean time he was to receive one on one training with the youngling instructors of the Temple. His training went well even with a hardened heart, but the instructors begin to talk among each other of his wavering heart and weak resolve in the Force. At the time Nathan didn't care, simply responding by showing less and less interest in being a Jedi.

During practice with a instructor a mysterious Jedi showed up and interrupted the sparring. Asking if he could take a turn at taking the little kid on. Nathan barely spoke a word as the Jedi outclassed him in every subject of battle. He tossed him to the ground spurring non-sense about focusing and staying in the battle. It was like he was taunting Nathan for not caring enough. After awhile Nathan fell to the ground dripping in sweat, The man walked up to him and spoke on his distraught way of fighting, he said the pain he felt was transferred into the way he swung his blade. Nathan shook his head and for first time since his master died asked a Jedi for help. He said the best way to defeat a wavering heart was to dive deep into the Force and search for his resolve.

Nathan sat in a lone room, in a deep trance he meditated. As this happen Nathan traveled back to the day of his master's demise. Seeing himself behind his master, it was a struggling experience. But suddenly the vision of himself suddenly stood beside his master and fought. They battled with the Dark Jedi and with a impressive show of teamwork and ended him with only a few scratches. Shandria ruffled his hair with a gentle smile and few praises. A smile had spread across Nathan's face as his eyes open and a lone tear flowed down his cheek. He left his room with a new feeling about his master's death, he now accepted that there was no point in holding on to his hatred. He returned to his usual classes and training, an instructor mention that he seemed like he had cleansed himself, something that Nathan smiled about almost instantly. The instructors eyes had widen slightly as no one had seen him smile since he had reached the Temple. It was large in contagious, something that was pleasing to him.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment while Nathan hung behind still wondering what she could want.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it that you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell sadden. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Nolam you don't have to worry anymore. I'm not a youngling anymore. I've been through this before. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. Tilll next time stay strong in the force. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on Shandria.

The boy's corridor slid open, he entered his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a great performance. Guess she can see through it. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

Thats all I got right now, looking better Seafire, keep it up.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

I have one thing to add after a cursory glance. Dantooine. Not Dantoonie.

[Seafire]

Thanks for the review, all the corrections have been submitted.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Feb 18, 2012 23:55:42 GMT -5 Seafire said:

Name: Nathan Seafire
Race: Human
Age: 15
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 120lbs

Appearance: Nathan Seafire is a dark skinned youth with short, wavy, black hair. His hair is neck long and some bangs dangle gently above his eyes. He has a part in his hair above his right eye. As tradition demands, as a Padawan he has a long braid hanging behind his right ear. He has amber colored eyes below his black eyebrows. The boy has a small, thin structure for a body, that's used in a nimble and precise way during training. He has a lean body build. A little muscle mass is visible on his arms and legs.

Nathan wears the traditional Jedi robes which consist of a deep black under tunic, a dark gray over tunic and earth brown outer robe with a hood to it. The colors aren't traditional, but his sense of style and fashion lead him to get them. Now his over tunic is cut at the left sleeve so his black under tunic's long sleeve show instead. His over tunic wraps around his chest and is tied with bands down his right arm. His overtunic comes down to his knees and is tied at the waist by a material thats the same color as the overtunic. He wears a plain dark gray loose fitting pair of trousers and sturdy black ridged boots. He also carries several accessories such as color bracelets. When not wearing his robes he can be caught wearing a black t-shirt with gray trousers. He likes to be comfy when he can.

Personality: Nathan is cheerful and energetic. He tends to keep an air of happiness around him when around anyone. The boy is a bit rebellious as he finds being a strict Jedi student is a bit boring. He's quite intelligent and picks up on most things rather easily. He has a courageous heart that keeps getting him in trouble whenever he sees someone in danger or being mistreated, though lately he been trying to keep this recklessness of his in check and under control. He is a strong and determined child who wouldn't give up, just because it was hard. This stems from his dislike of left behind. He fought tooth and nail to be on par with peers. Seeing as he came in at the latest a child would be accepted, he was lacking skills that the others had.

Like most Jedi trainees he has alot of good traits but also a few bad ones. Nathan was never one to forgive someone easily when mistreated, always finding it hard to forget the past. He can also be very stubborn at times to the point where he would need strict discipline to correct his path. Overall though Nathan is a happy individual who believes in his own path and the way of the Jedi. He fights for the lives of those he loves and hopes that he's strong enough to protect them himself one day.

Birth place: Dantooine

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade - Here- The blade is wrapped in purple cloth and has two large chain links hanging at the bottom of it.
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 3 So, drop a point somewhere in this section.
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - 1
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - 1
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 3
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 4
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 1
Melee Weapons: 1
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement:
+ 3

Bio:

Seafire: The Meaning

Nathan was born to farmers on the peaceful planet of Dantooine. His father and mother were once both agents of the Republic. It wasn't until his mother became pregnant that they both decided to leave the front lines and retire to a peaceful life. At the time Dantooine was one of the most peaceful planets in the Galaxy, it was an ideal place to raise a family.

As time elapsed Nathan had begun to show signs of being force sensitive. His parents had remembered this from the hospital he was born in and though they had the choice of keeping him, they still held hope on the fact that maybe he wouldn't show signs and they had made a simple mistake. For who would want to give up their child to the conflict that all Jedi faced?

When Nathan turned three his force power begin to develop even more and it was noticed by a passing by Jedi. This lone knight approached the Seafire's with the intent to take the child to the temple as was procedure when one found a child strong in the force. They were reluctant at first but talking more with the Jedi caused them to rethink their decision. They requested that on his sixth birthday that the Jedi return and take Nathan to the temple. They weren't quite ready to separate from him, but they knew he was destined for greater things than the farm. The jedi told them that if he was to enter it would be before his sixth birthday, so he told them a week before his sixth birthday he would come and get the boy. Before leaving met with Nathan, he simply spoke on the boy's potential and before leaving told him his name. Saying his name was Jedi Knight Esli Vih'Torr and they would meet each other again.

The Enclave A World Away From Dantooine

The day had come and Nathan's parents had been dreading this moment since he was born. As he played outside, the silhouette of someone came over the hills, his parents looked overhead with worry. The boy looked over towards his parents, the worry in their eyes alerted him to danger. They rarely had visitors so this was frighting. As he cowered in his mother's clothing he could hear the sound of his mother and father talking to a rather youthful voice. Peeking he could see the face of beautiful woman in robes, it was weird but he felt like he could see and feel her will. He unwrapped himself from his mother's clothing, as she kindly spoke to him, telling him that she was there to take him to wonderful place where they would train him to become a Jedi.

Nathan look at his parents with a puzzled expression, while tears flowed down their eyes, they gently pushed him to her. It was confusing and it didn't go as easy as they thought it would. But he eventually found himself heading towards the Enclave with her. The boy looked up with little emotion in his face. He walked up to the passenger seat of her vehicle and stared at her with unforgiving eyes. With his gaze on her she spoke her name, Shandria Cyn. She tried to make small talk with the boy but got no response from him as they traveled to the Enclave.

As he entered the Enclave the woman kept close to him. Which was a little weird, she introduced him to many important people. As he walked through he was analyzed, many said he was strong in the force but had a problem with grudges. The boy wondered how they knew what he was feeling. The woman had gotten him settled in. He was welcomed to the Enclave by her and even than he still couldn't shake the feeling that she was one who snatched him from his family. That night he didn't get any sleep at all. As time went on he found himself constantly thinking of Shandria as a wretched being. When he would see her around he simply turn his head with anger in his eyes. He knew it was hurting her and personally he was secretly enjoying it.

Nathan was being classified as a youngling by the Jedi's standards. He had become accustomed to the classes presented before him. Though he found academic classes, like math and science a bore. He still paid attention and made it his business to learn it. One of his lessons especially put a fire in his belly. It was about the force. Though many found it hard, Nathan found it to be fun. To learn of these mystical powers that really had something to do with Midi-Chlorians which was a type of microscopic life-form that lived in him. They gave the power to use the force. It was in the force class that Nathan acted different, he was most of the time quite and reserved. He really took the time to pay attention and take it all in. It was a subject that he excelled at rather nicely.

But his love of combat had also put him in the spotlight. His skills with the lightsaber showed potential, so in the end he balanced himself out. Though he acted rash and reckless, there was no doubting the boy's potential to be a great asset to the light side of the Force.

Friendships And Bonds, Seafire's Great Leap

At the tender age of ten Nathan was really showing potential in becoming a Jedi. He excelled at saber combat and lacked in force powers, all while maintaining his rambunctious attitude. Though the masters thought him to be lacking in certain areas, this made him rather popular among his peers. The years spent at the enclave had softened him up and so he had finally let his grudge go. Understanding that his parents weren't forced to let him go, that they willingly released him to the Force.

The young boy formed ties to many of the younglings that trained with him. Nolam in particular was close to him. She had long black hair that was tied into one braid. Her soft features always looked pure and her shimmering blue eyes looked like were constantly pondering something. He remember looking into her eyes one day while sparring and thinking of his mother, she smelled of sweet flowers. Over time the two begin to think of each other as family, they talked everyday of their growth and problems of the lessons given to them. They had the relationship most common between a brother and sister. But anyone could tell they cared for each other.

As they got closer Nathan begin to feel stronger towards her. His feelings lead to many irrational decisions when around her. He would become flustered when sparring with her and end up slipping up, usually ending with him having a bad bruise or burn. She would always laugh at him when he blushed from gripping her hand, most of time it was because she had knocked him on his butt.

Nathan would often be visited by jedi Shandria Cyn. The woman that had escorted him to the Enclave on Dantooine. Nathan always greeted her with a skyward eyebrow when she approached him, only because he knew she would come rough housing with him. Shandria Cyn was very close with Nathan. She instructed him sometimes on ways to improve his stances or even on the force. Most of time though she acted like his mother. It would be wrong to say that he trusted her more than anyone else at the Enclave but he did.

On the day of his tenth birthday, Shandria Cyn showed up with news that she shared with him later that night. She been observing his progress and had decided to take him on as her padawan. His eyes had lit up with excitement from this , but he wondered if he could measure up. After all he was just a youngling and Shandria seemed to have alot faith in him.

The youngling accepted the offer of his Jedi knight and after a day of meditating and communicating with the Force, he stood before the council and vowed to uphold all the order stood for, the Force, his master, and The Republic. Afterwards he and his master took his first steps out the Enclave, it was Shandria's way of saying welcome to the world.

A Padawan Is Made, Seafire's Destiny Begin To Show

Nathan had been given the title Padawan, his master was Jedi knight Shandria Cyn. Finally a graduate of the Enclave, he looked on at his peers, realizing they were still Younglings. His questions flowed freely after that, was he better than them? or was it he was just more sensitive to the force? He didn't know all that, but he knew he was well on his way to become a Jedi knight like he had wanted. As a Padawan Nathan spent many hours meditating in the living force. Constantly trying to grasp a better understanding of it. How could he improve himself in the force, was it even possible ?

Shandria took on Nathan's training and felt it necessary to improve certain aspects of his techniques along with adding things that she felt the Enclave couldn't teach him. She begin to instruct him in the way of the Soresu and Shien forms, she said that both of these were a combination of her own recipe to combat and by being her Padawan he would have to one day pass it down to his own. Nathan of course took this to heart and begin practicing the arts throughout the time he spent with her. Which made him pretty decent at both of the forms. Though not as good as his master.

As Nathan improved in his studies of Soresu and Shien, Shandria finally felt it was time for him to make his own lightsaber.merge these two sentences with a comma The companion that would be with him always. The two traveled to the ice planet Of Illum in a shuttle. Nathan walked through the cave to find his own crystal, eventually finding a blue one. He sat in the chamber meditating over the pieces of lightsaber that him and Shandria picked out before hand. You meditate over the crystal for maybe a month, not the pieces. And in the next sentence, he'd have to assemble the pieces by hand with great precision while looking in order for it to work right. The pieces floated up, placing themselves together. His deep trance begin to inflict visions of the times to come and though he didn't exactly know what it meant, he bared through them I'm afraid visions of the future are a little beyond his capabilities.. His eyes opened and his lightsaber was complete. It was a master piece in his eyes and he was happy to have Shandria Cyn by his side to show her.

Nathan and Shandria as master and student wasWere sent out to a planet on the outer rim on a diplomatic mission. The two was were. Subject verb agreement. originally sent to escort a region's diplomat to the precedingpreceding what exactly? meeting on his planet. But through a series of events, a plan slowly unfolded. Though the specifics wasn't in place, A Dark Jedi was on the planet to take the life of diplomat they were charged with protecting. The diplomaticdiplomat grew close to the planetary meeting and the Dark Jedi grew impatient. As his master predicted the Dark Jedi attacked. Nathan and Shandria took up a defensive formation as the Dark Jedi relentlessly attacked the two. The three jumped around the area in swift motions, of course Nathan was having trouble keeping up with the two veterans. The battle raged on until eventually Nathan acted as a distraction and catching the Dark Jedi off guard, Shandria ended the battle. The two got the diplomat to the meeting safely and in the end still didn't know the Dark Jedi's full reason for attacking.

A Shattered Future, Uncertainty In The Padawan

As him and Shandria was coming from a diplomatic mission and returning to Dantooine, he could see parts of his planet had been ravaged by war. His eyes widened at the parts of Dantooine he could see. His parents had lived closed to the area and Nathan just had to check on them. Landing in the once grassy plains of Dantooine, all that he could see now was the withering stems of the plants that once decorated the land. Nathan walked through slowly until he came to his old house, now smothering and crumbling. The boy dropped to the ground, sensing their deaths in the force. Tears flooded freely down his cheeks, but not one whimper could be heard from him. He felt the touch of his Jedi mentor on his shoulder. It was the most she could do to ease his distraught heart.

Nathan and Shandria raced to the shuttle, Dantooine had obviously been under attack. The destination was now Coruscant, It was the only place that Shandria knew for sure she could find the answers. After a week of travel, the two landed on the planet Coruscant. As she landed on the Temple's platform, Shandria made sure to remind Nathan of the strictness of the Temple. That they weren't nearly as forgiving as the Enclave on Dantooine. They walked through the Temple and established their living arrangements, the two sat in a room and it wasn't long before Shandria was being callWas called to the council's room. It seemed like they had her in there for hours. He knew it was long enough that Nathan had to find way to entertain himself.

When she finally entered the room again the Jedi seemed a little distant from the boy. Nathan asked repeatedly with urgency where everyone was. If anyone had escaped, mostly worried about Nolam. Shandria facial expression said it all, her head shook from side to side. Nathan hadn't gotten a response, so he assumed they were the only survivors of the Dantooine take over. That night Nathan laid in his bed and dreamed of the world that was taken from him, his own world had been snatched from under him. How could that be? and why would it happen to him? During this point in his life he was happy to have Shandria with him.

A little over two weeks past and the two settled into the Temple. A noticeable difference in Shandria's attitude had changed. Nathan couldn't even distinguish her from a stranger anymore. She had became more temperamental and bi-polar*facepalm* OK. Pet peeve here. As someone with bipolar disorder I don't like it bandied around as an adjective. It's a legitimate medical condition, not something to be talked about lightly.. He could never place when she would be angry at a mistake he made or simply forgive him. Nathan begin to become distant from her as well. The day came when Nathan was awoken to the sound of officials bursting into his room. They looked around before asking him where Jedi Knight Shandria Cyn had ran off too. He searched for her with the guards of the Temple without any luck. Nathan was blown away with disbelief, his master wasn't one to run off on The Order. She always told him to keep the Republic and The Force strong. So why would she just abandon her ideals and himQuestion mark. With his only pillar broken the boy spiraled into a deep depression, for weeks he held himself up in his room. He didn't come out for anything other than to eat, anything other than that wasn't worth the energy.

Weeks later Nathan was call to the council to receive and give a report on the events that lead to Jedi knight Shandria Cyn's disappearance and the condition of Dantooine. They spoke on Dantoonie'sDantooine's recent need of help and toss the thoughts around on what to do about Nathan now that his master had left the Order. He was too talented to be tossed to the corps and now with the seed of vengeance placed in him, he would need the influence of the Temple more than ever. A solemn Nathan stood and waited for his judgement. While the details of Shandria's disappearance came to him. She had been seen by cameras in the Temple, it was seen that she had visited Nathan's room before leaving in a shuttle. Nathan laid in bed for days, depressed over the deaths of the ones closest to him. He lost everyone he ever cared for. If this was what Jedi were meant to endure than he wasn't sure if he wanted to be one anymore. It seemed as if everything was hitting him at once.

The Master-less Padawan

Nathan was lost in a void of depression and loneliness, at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant he knew no one and didn't allow anyone to grow close to him. The Council searched for a master to replace his former master but in the mean time he was to receive one on one training with the youngling instructors of the Temple. His training went well even with a hardened heart, but the instructors begin to talk among each other of his wavering heart and weak resolve in the Force. At the time Nathan didn't care, simply responding by showing less and less interest in being a Jedi.

During practice with a instructor a mysterious Jedi showed up and interrupted the sparring.Merge these two sentences with a comma Asking if he could take a turn at taking the little kid on. Nathan barely spoke a word as the Jedi outclassed him in every subject of battle. He tossed him to the ground spurring non-sense about focusing and staying in the battle. It was like he was taunting Nathan for not caring enough. After awhile Nathan fell to the ground dripping in sweat, The man walked up to him and spoke on his distraught way of fighting, he said the pain he felt was transferred into the way he swung his blade. Nathan shook his head and for first time since his master died asked a Jedi for help. He said the best way to defeat a wavering heart was to dive deep into the Force and search for his resolve.

Nathan sat in a lone room, in a deep trance he meditated. As this happen Nathan traveled back to the day of his master's demise. Seeing himself behind his master, it was a struggling experience. But suddenly the vision of himself suddenly stood beside his master and fought. They battled with the Dark Jedi and with a impressive show of teamwork and ended him with only a few scratches. Shandria ruffled his hair with a gentle smile and few praises. A smile had spread across Nathan's face as his eyes open and a lone tear flowed down his cheek. He left his room with a new feeling about his master's deathScratch the whole vision thing here. She didn't die and the experience no longer requires any different hindsight., he now accepted that there was no point in holding on to his hatred. He returned to his usual classes and training, an instructor mention that he seemed like he had cleansed himself, something that Nathan smiled about almost instantly. The instructors eyes had widen slightly as no one had seen him smile since he had reached the Temple. It was large in contagious, something that was pleasing to him.

RP Sample:
Nathan walked the halls of the temple, the sun showing through the intricate holes used as windows. His boots thumped on the floor before he came to a small figure that he recognized as his childhood friend. The boy smiled at her before she gesture him to walk with him. Nathan's head slightly lean to the left as his curiosity peaked. She walked ahead of him for moment while Nathan hung behind still wondering what she could want.

His hair hung in his face as she spoke on her recent training and activities. Nathan shook his head as his hand sat in the sleeves of his hood " What is it that you want Nolam ? " As his question interrupted her sentence, her head slightly fell sadden. Her response was that everyone noticed his sudden depression around the anniversary of his master death. So she was trying to distract him by holding a conversation.

Nathan's fist clenched up in his sleeves before falling to his side. The straight lined that was his mouth, curved up into a soft smile " Nolam you don't have to worry anymore. I'm not a youngling anymore. I've been through this before. I can handle it myself. " As the boy noticed Nolam begin to speak again he interrupted her quickly " - Oh I'm really sorry Nolam. But I'm very busy at the moment. We have to catch up later. Tilll next time stay strong in the force. " He said before walking in haste down the hall. He left the girl standing still in the spot he had just walked away from. Now just wasn't the time to speak on Shandria.

The boy's corridor slid open, he entered his room and leaned his head against the closed door. His eyes were watery with frustration " Here I thought I was putting on a great performance. Guess she can see through it. " He said as he wiped the tears from his face. The chains on his lightsaber could be heard clinking together as he moved gently to wipe the tears. How could he be a jedi knight if he couldn't even deceive a old friend.

You're getting close to approval now. I can tell it. Don't give up hope.

[Seafire]

Corrected and I apologize about that whole Bi-polar thing.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Approved

Approved stats:

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 2
Makashi - N/A
Soresu - 1
Ataru - N/A
Shien / Djem So - 1
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman - N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo - N/A
Double Bladed Combat - N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 3
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 4
Intelligence: 4
Speed: 4
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 1
Melee Weapons: 1
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement:
+ 3

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Moved to inactive due to member inactivity.