Breaking Up is Hard to Do [Ghostie]

[Dr. Jake]

Lana Kindari was relieved to see the prominent outline of the Jedi Temple for once. The structure was a reminder of order, stability, and most importantly, Sirius. She had missed her "friend" dearly. The Echani knew in her heart that he was more than a friend, and she knew that he knew that she knew that.

The whole love thing really was quite strange indeed.

Despite her daydreams, Lana was aboard a shuttle that was transporting her from the spaceport back to the Temple. She had just arrived on Coruscant, returning from the tedious Druckenwell negotiations. They had been thrown into disarray when the troubled Padawan Gharrask had escaped and Master Ka had pursued him. She couldn't blame the other Padawan, for she had done the same exact thing when she was around his age, albeit for very different reasons.

Regardless, the remainder of the talks had to be mediated by Lana, a task she was initially hopeful of. Then, the negotiations resumed. Rather than glorious diplomacy, it was more like mediating the theft of a toy between two toddlers.

When Teer left, things got a little out of hand. Lana was, more or less, an apprentice diplomat, so when the more direct and forceful Teer Ka left, the dignitaries thought that they could trample their young mediator. She eventually got them back in line, but the process left her very fatigued.

Whatever the case, she had safely returned to the Core and was thankful for that. Lana was indeed relieved when the copilot entered the cabin and informed her that they would be landing in a few minutes.

The thought of her bare, yet comfortable, dormitory made Lana smile on the inside. She was exhausted, as a starship was not a proper way to lay one's head. Not only was she tired physically, she was mentally overworked.

Within the next ten minutes, she was thanking the pilots and exiting the Temple's hangar. She was due for a report on the situation in a few hours (it was just before noon) , so she would take the opportunity to rest a bit in her room.

Lana didn't really think of Sirius much, which was surprising. She had been thinking about the boy a lot lately. He made her have strange feelings that no one every had before.

None of that was on the Echani's mind as she slowly lumbered down the corridors, sleep pulling at her eyelids.

[Ghostie]

Sirius ran from one side of his room to the other. The new Knight was either tossing things onto the bed to be packed, or tossing them into the trash bin to be thrown out. Clothes were here and there, his desk was shambles (which, to be fair, always is) and his bed was unmade with the two bags underneath of it. One was for clothes, and other for other sorts of mismatched items.

You see, Sirius as leaving the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Since he had been Knighted, the young man had made the decision to go to Seraphim, the home of the Blades, and join the war effort against the Sith. His former master, Teer Ka had already left the Temple for Shili, her new post. So Sirius felt there was no need to stay back anymore.

But then again, Sirius debated whether or not to say goodbye to the people he knew. Would it just be better to leave, or to hang around and tell them that he was leaving? It wasn't like there was many people he needed to talk to. Vance was at the forefront of his mind, the padawan was like a brother to Sirius. Then there was Oberon Kellar, his former master who had lost all memory. Oberon surely wouldn't mind Sirius just disappearing. And then of course, there was also Lana.

Sirius had spent a lot of time with the Echani, growing to like her more and more all the time. And he was confident she liked him just as much. Of course, the whole thing had been complicated, given that the Jedi Code forbid romantic relationships. But that hadn't stopped them from spending more time together than would be considered normal for a Jedi.

Lana had been out of the Temple for the past week or so though. Sirius had thought about her often while he was busy training and making the arrangements to leave the Temple. At first he had thought about just leaving before Lana came back. Then he had thought that it would be best to tell her. Then Sirius thought it wouldn't. It would be safe to say that while Lana had been gone, Sirius's mind and heart were having a war on what to do.

Sirius didn't want a teary good-bye or to have someone start yelling. But to leave without saying anything would also be wrong. Neither of them would that closure. Then if something happened to either Lana or Sirius, the other one would probably be grief-stricken. At least, that was the only way Sirius saw it playing out in his head. And he had to do the right thing.

The Knight donned his new civilian outfit, a green jacket with simple denim pants. He hefted a bag full of clothes over one shoulder, Sirius carried another bag of mismatched items with his opposite hand. He set out to Lana's room with a frown on his face the whole time.

This wasn't something he wanted to do. He didn't want to leave Lana at the Temple while he went gallivanting around with the Blades. But joining them was the right thing to do, or so Sirius thought. Hopefully, Lana could see where he was coming from.

Sirius set the bags down in the hallway around his feet before ringing the door bell. Somehow he knew, this wasn't going to work out well.

[Dr. Jake]

For the first time in at least two hours, there was a disturbance in the still silence of Lana's dorm. It occurred in the form of two pale white arms stretching out, accompanied by a drowsy yawn. Groggy-eyed, the Echani rose from her bed and slowly made her way into her small bathroom to assess the damage of her afternoon power nap.

Lana flipped on the lights as she entered the small, spartan facility. It was exactly as she had left it, all of her toiletries neatly tucked away and towels folded in their drawers. Looking into the mirror, the padawan could only let out a groan. Her silvery, just nigh of shoulder length hair was effectively a gizka nest. She had been so exhausted from her recent mission that she had failed to undress properly. She had an undershirt covering half of her torso, and a pair of underwear that left her legs bare. Needless to say, she was not at her best.

Though she seriously considered going back to bed, Lana armed herself with a hairbrush and went to battle with her disheveled do. After a minute or two, she found victory when the silver locks resumed some sense of orderliness.

Next, the young woman retrieved a fresh set of jogging pants (which she used to spar and exercise) and a more appropriate tank top. She quickly changed into the garments, and threw her dirty ones in a pile with the others. She would clean that up. Later.

Lana remembered that she was expected to submit a brief report of the mission, due 48 hours after her arrival. She decided that she would spend the rest of the afternoon finishing that, as the studious Echani was no procrastinator.

However, just as she sat at her small desk and started up the terminal, she head a knock at the door. Reaching out with the force, she identified the interloper as Sirius. This discovery made the Padawan ecstatic. She had dearly missed her companion since she had departed more than a week earlier.

Lana wasted no time in getting to the door and opening it, revealing the newly christened Jedi Knight, Sirius Kelrune. She grinned and spoke in a mock formal one,

"Knight Kelrune, may I help you?"


But contrarily, Lana felt no playful attitude coming from her fellow Jedi. This worried her, but she said nothing, awaiting his response.

[Ghostie]

Sirius smiled at Lana, who opened the door and greeted him rather formally, but in a mock tone. It seemed rare that she was in a bad mood, which always made Sirius's mood go up. She looked as if she just got out of bed, and Sirius regretted bothering her so soon after such a long mission. She probably didn't need this right now. But it had to be done.

“Hey Lana. Can I come in?”

He left his bags laying against the door and stepped inside. Lana's dark room was a stark contrast from the bright hall outside, and it took a moment for Sirius's eyes to adjust. Other than the bed being unmade, the room was pretty much clean. A bit of sun shone through the window, giving some light in certain areas of the room.

The new branded Knight lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, and took a good look around. He'd never been inside Lana's room before. He'd always been too nervous before to come in here. He was worried about someone catching them together alone in a room like this. People's mind's tended to wander. But now, Sirius was nervous for a whole different reason.

Rubbing his sweaty palms together, Sirius tried to find the best place to start. The problem was that nothing at all was coming to his mind. He drew a complete blank. His eyes scanned the room once more while still facing Lana, and then he just went with whatever came out of his mouth.

“Lana, we need to talk. I'm leaving. For The Blades.”

[Dr. Jake]

Lana did not like the way Sirius was acting. He was always a bit reserved, but today he was just...tense. She figured something was bothering him, perhaps he was nervous about his Knighthood, or something happened with his master.

Regardless, it would be rude to make him stand out in the corridor like some unwanted pauper. He asked to come in, and she could only nod her approval. "Of course, sit down."

She took a step away from the door to allow him inside, and quickly flipped the light switch on. Two young Jedi alone in a dark dormitory was hardly appropriate. Sirius took a seat on her unmade bed, so she pulled her chair out from under the desk, sitting with her legs crossed. The Jedi across from her seemed impossibly tall sitting on the bed. He also looked incredibly distraught.

Now she was officially worried.

When he spoke, Lana's initial reaction was denial. There was no way he would do something like that. He was just a brand new knight...and he liked being around her. Or so she thought.

"What?" She said, a look of disbelief on her face.

The realization was beginning to grip her. Sirius wanted to leave Coruscant and go fight the Sith. She spoke again, more loudly this time. She choked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You can't leave! You can't fight the Sith Sirius, you're...you're so young! They'll kill you! You just can't do this..." a tear, then another rolled down her cheeks,"You can't do this to yourself, You can't do this to m-."
Lana caught herself, and tried to regain her composure. Her sadness turned to anger.

"Do what you want. You're a knight now, you can make your own decisions. "

[Ghostie]

With what he needed to say finally out there, it was like a great weight lifted off of his shoulders. The nervousness seemed to evaporate, and he felt much better. But Sirius's new state only put him off balance for what came next. Lana started to cry, and then she was angry. Mad at him for leaving, it seemed.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Sirius hung his head as Lana started to go off about how he couldn't fight the Sith, how he was too young, and whatever else she could come up with along the same lines. The quip about his age annoyed him, he was older than she was by four years. But he let it slide for right now.

It hadn't been his intention to upset her like this, though Sirius expected her to be mad or sad. Not both. He didn't know how to deal with a crying and upset girl. But he didn't want thing to grow silent. She just may kick him out if it did. And Sirius wanted a chance to explain himself.

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you upset. I came here to try and... settle things. In case something happened to me.”

His head was still hung low, looking at his feet and trying to not look at Lana. Sirius's voice was low, and soft. She had this way of making him feel guilty right now. He didn't do this because he didn't want to be around her anymore. He did this because he felt it was the right thing. Hopefully, somehow, she could see that. Sirius wanted her to see that.

“I want you to see that this is important. At least, it is to me.”

[Dr. Jake]

Lana looked at Sirius as he spoke. Though they had been in her room for a mere three minutes, it felt like hours. She still couldn't believe this was happening. He had always talked about fighting the Sith, but she never thought he would leave so soon, so suddenly.

A voice whispered in the back of Lana's mind.

He is doing the right thing.

The Echani didn't want to listen right now. She just didn't want to listen. But for some reason, she did. She realized that it was selfish to want Sirius all to herself. The Order needed him, the Republic needed him, and the galaxy needed him.

Lana didn't want to admit it, but it was true. She would have to let Sirius go for the good of the Republic. However, the Padawan didn't want to talk about it at all. Sometimes Jedi had to do things they didn't like.

"I'm...I'm sorry Sirius. I should have never assumed you would be here forever. You have a duty to this Republic, and you need to fulfill it. Just promise me one thing Sirius. Promise me you will stay alive."

She still felt a sudden sadness, emptiness within her, but she was sure to mask it. It was foolish to let Sirius fret over her emotional whims when he could be saving lives in the Rim. That didn't make the hurting stop.

[Ghostie]

Sirius was thankful Lana finally seemed to calm down. They both sat there for what seemed like an eternity. He had still not had the guts to look at her, and kept staring at his boots instead. She may have apologized, but she still had a way of making him feel like he had done something wrong, screwed up somewhere.

Hopefully she saw that he thought this was important. Helping the Republic fight back against the Sith invaders. And he had always talked about doing such a thing anyways. Sirius was surprised that Lana acted as if she didn't see it coming. Still, it could be a shock to her, this happening all of a sudden. He hated to spring it right after she just came back from a mission, but he was suppose to leave soon. Later that afternoon, in fact.

Lana wanted him to promise to make it back in one piece. Sirius opened his mouth to do just that, but closed it again before saying a word. That wasn't something he could guarantee. So Sirius wasn't going to make a promise, and then fall through on it. That would counterman his whole point of seeing Lana this last time before he left.

“I can't do that, Lana. 'Cause if I promise that, and then I do die, you're going to be... I don't know. All torn up. Upset that I'm gone? Angry I made a stupid promise? Regretful that things didn't go your way? Maybe some of all three.”

It hadn't quite come out as he planned. But since when did thing actually do that lately? If he had his way, Sirius would've been out the door and on the shuttle with a very understanding Lana left behind on Coruscant. But things never went how you planned. Perhaps that was part of the reason Sirius was afraid to make that promise. He shuffled his feet a bit before starting in that same low, soft voice.

“You're important to me, but so is this. That's why I don't want you hurt if something does happen.”

[Dr. Jake]

Sirius was explaining himself again. Explaining why he wouldn't promise to keep himself alive. She really didn't care what he had to say about the matter at this point. Waiting for him to finish she spoke, "No Sirius, you will stay alive."

Her voice carried an authoritative tone, as if there was to be no argument on the subject. It was as if she was lecturing him on his own life and what to do with it.

Lana had more or less regained her diplomatic composure. Though her insides were in chaos, her words were neutral, her expression cool. She turned and looked out of the window for a long time. She was actually staring at the duracrete side of a building, but appeared to be looking at something interesting. After a while, she turned and looked at her treasured friend.

"You have a duty to this Republic. It is wrong for me to interfere with that. Quite foolish of me to put my emotions before the wellbeing of the Order. I'm sorry if I have made this more difficult for you, but I care about you a lot. I just...I feel like you needed to know that.

[Ghostie]

Sirius maintained his position, still unable to look at Lana. Once he was done talking, he was met with an authoritative voice. Commanding him to come back, as if it was up to him to stay alive, like he had a choice in the matter. There was no way to know for sure, and he'd come to terms with that when he lost his arm. It seemed Lana hadn't discovered the same thing yet; that no one was invincible, Jedi or not. But he didn't say anything to counter her command.

“Okay.”

Lana thought it was no silly to put her emotions before the good of the Order. But that was the whole reason Sirius was here. He didn't think it was silly to act the way she had. In fact, Sirius had even expected it. Though, expected it and being prepared for it where two different things.

He felt the same way about Lana that she did about him. At least, he thought he did. Sirius didn't know exactly how Lana felt. But he knew that he had grown to care for her as more than just a friend. The neutral expression on her features didn't help any, either. She was almost impossible to read, as always.

“I care about you a lot too. That's why I came here. I considered... not coming here before I left. But I thought that wouldn't be right.”

Hopefully she saw that by him being here, Sirius was showing he cared. He had not wanted to come, to face this. But he did anyways, because he thought it wrong to do otherwise. It would've been unfair, cruel even, and probably would've destroyed their relationship. At least this way they still had a chance at being friends.

“I'm sorry I sprung this on you this soon before I left.”

[Dr. Jake]

Lana turned her head looked out the window again. Sirius was too ashamed to look at her, so there was no use in staring at him, which making him even more uncomfortable. She was listening though, and he seemed to accept her imperative, whether he agreed to it or not. That didn't matter much to the Echani, what mattered was that he got the message.

Though the disbelief had subsided, Lana realized that she didn't feel much of anything. She could grasp that Sirius was leaving, and he would not be coming back for a long time. That should have made her sad, but Lana was quite numb.

He said that he cared about her. Despite the circumstances, she believed him. Lana didn't take Sirius as the lying, or even the acting type. But she was relieved to hear him say it, to know they felt the same about each other. Lana nodded and managed a cordial, "Thank you."

She turned to look at him for what she hoped wouldn't be the last time. Her face, while still cool, had a look of inevitable sorrow. The same look as a child returning to school after a summer break. They weren't happy about the situation, but there was nothing they could do about it and would cope.

"I suppose that this is goodbye."