Tykota Zear

[Zeacur'azear]

Name: Tykota Zear {Aka: Kota or Ty}
Race: Human
Age: 33
Birthplace: Nal Hutta

Allegiance: Herself
Status: Bounty Hunter
Rank: Expert
Height/Weight: 5.10" / 160 Lbs.
Appearance:

Tykota is a young female human with dark brown, short hair with silver highlights in her bangs and dark tan skin. She is 5.10" and weights a healthy 160 pounds, average for a bounty hunter of her age. She has a decent amount of muscle, enough to knock someone out of she aims well and her target doesn't block her. Tykota's real skill is her ability of stealth and agility. She is a very fast and skilled runner but she can't swim well. She carries her EFW-008 rifle on back and her two blasters on her hips. Tykota can normally be seen wearing a red tank top with a black and white jacket that stops just below her breast and the sleeves stop at her elbow. She wears navy pants, similar to boot-cut blue jeans, black, thigh high boots and an armored white glove with one black stripe on her right arm. When bounty hunting she will be seen in a fully armored, red and black suit still wearing her one white and black glove, black helmet with two red stripes on the sides and black and red shin guards.





Personality: Tykota is a ill-tempered, blood thirsty bounty hunter because of her past. Although it may be hard to become friends, or just tolerate her, it is worth the trouble. One you have earned her trust, she is one of the most loyal people you could have watching your back. Tykota is hardcore, calculating, short-tempered and impatient. She can't stand it when someone she's Hunting take to long to get away from innocents and civilians or when someone won't stop bothering her. Due to her past, she doesn't trust easily and she makes sure everyone knows it. Tykota can be snappish and cruel to friends when she is in a bad mood but is more prone to act in such a way to strangers. She can be quite out-going, kind and loyal to close friends or old allies. But beware... if you break her trust... you're already dead.

Ships/Vehicles:

Ship Name: Silent Storm
Ship Type/Class: *Pending* (swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/20660/silent-storm)


Vehicle Name: Lightning Striker
Vehicle Type/Class: *Pending* (swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/20661/lighting-striker)




Equipment:

Weapons-

- Dual Blasters: STP-33 Machine Pistol

- Rifle: EFW-008

Armor- White and black armored glove on her right arm, protective armored suit(Similar to what the clone wear in The Clone Wars),a black and red helmet and armored shin guards.



Stats:

Strength - Above Average
Agility - Superior
Intelligence - Above Average
Charisma - Below Average

Combat Training:

- Blasters: Adept
- Sniping: Master
- Hand-to-Hand Combat: Expert
- Echani Martial Arts: Adept



Other Training: List what else they are skilled in:

- Slicing: Adept
- Dancing: Novice
- Singing: Adept
- Public Speaking: Apprentice
- Piloting: Expert
- Lying: Adept
- Flirting: Novice
- Acrobatics: Master
- Climbing: Expert
- Stealth: Expert

Biography:

Childhood(0-12 Years Old):

Tykota was born on Nal Hutta to her parents, Zeacura and Artio Zear. Her mother was a local performer and had great skill with acrobatics. Her mother vigorously taught her how to be a skilled acrobatic and climber. Her father, on the other hand, was a ferocious bounty hunter, one of the deadliest. He taught her to be harsh, blood-thirsty and calculating. She always knew that her father would put work before her and Tykota had to accept this at a very young age. When she was 7, Tykota tried to run away because, despite her mother love and attention, she felt unloved. So she ran away to a near by town where she was nearly captured and sold as a slave. Luckily her mother had got off from her work at Surria Bar and heard her screams. Two years past, during which, she and her father had begun to clash, fighting with fists and words. When she turned 9 her mother announced that she was pregnant. She and her father had a physical fight one day, leaving Tykota with a black eye, purple bruises on her collarbone and arms. The day that her mother went into labor was a terrible one. Tykota's mother died giving birth to Maric, her stillborn brother, when she had a complication that caused her to loss to much blood. Her father was devastated by his wife's death and he took out his frustration on Tykota. He abused her until she reached the age of 11 years old. At 11 years old Tykota could actually put of a fight and do minor damage to her father when they fought. Just before she turned 12 years old, Artio left Nal Hutta without her.

Teenager(13-19 Years Old):

All Tykota could do for now was scavenge for food and water. Although she had stolen some of her fathers credits and hid them when she was 10, she didn't want to waste them on what she could find for free. When she reached the age of 15, she was discovered by a bounty hunter group and was taken in by them. They taught her how to be a bounty hunter and helped her reach her full potential. They had a few operations done on her to help improve her skills, removing the last set of ribs and operating on her eyes and ears to improve her eye sight and hearing. The next 3 years were spent bounty hunting with the team. They taught her the bounty hunter code and drilled the thought, "Decide on dead or alive before starting the hunt... and don't change your mind." Even after she left the team at the age of 19 years old, she never forgot them and that one rule.

Young Adulthood(20-33 Years Old):

After leaving the group, Tykota stayed on Nal Hutta for 3 years, hunting down the thieves and mercenaries with bounties until she had enough credits to buy herself a ship. She had it custom made by Nal Hutta's finest, which isn't that great. She named the white and black ship, Silent Storm. Now that she had a ship of her own, Tykota started to travel around for different reasons. She visited Coruscant for a hunt, Tatooine to team up for a hunt and Naboo for the beautiful land-scape and many, many more over the next 5 years. Now at the age of 28 years old, she had become a expert bounty hunter with a record to show it. Out of her last 20 hunts, she only failed 2 of them. She only fail those two because on both hunts Jedi interfered I one way or the other. Three more years past and she returned to her home planet to rumors of a old bounty hunter with a checkered past. Sounding a lot like her father, her deemed it worthy to investigate. She checked 6 out of the 8 bars in the near by towns until she spotted him. Full of hatred and rage, Tykota approached him, struggling to contain her emotions. Thankfully Tykota was able to keep her true identity hidden during their conversation. Finally, she could contain her feelings any longer when Artio said with a chuckle, "That brat is either dead or a slave. There's no way that weakling could survive any other way." With out warning, she snatched her left blaster from her holster and pointed it at his head and spat, "You stupid, old fool! You came back here... just to be killed by your own daughter..." And with that, she shot him, not giving him a chance to speak or plead. She just wanted this chapter of her life to end. Tykota ended that chapter herself and moved on, continuing in her line of work for two years, during which, she was nearly killed by a blaster bolt wound that became infected. She now currently lives on Tatooine in a large town full of thieves, slaves, bounty hunters, smugglers, mercenaries and a hand full of good civilians.

  

Roleplay Sample: Tykota had been stalking her target for about 4 hours now and was beginning too wonder when he would move away from so many civilians. She was getting tired following this worthless excuse of a thief. She finally got her chance to snipe him when he turned into a semi-lit alley. The brown haired woman quickly pursued after him from the roof she had been watching him from. Tykota pulled her sniper blaster rifle over her head and got it ready to shoot. Adrenaline surged through her as she aimed at the twi'lek man's head with her finger on the trigger.

Just moments before she was about to pull the trigger a door opened on the building across from her, revealing a young twi'lek girl in the door way. The girl and man embraced each other in a long hug. As they did so an idea formed in Tykota's mind, she needed to bring that man in dead or alive, although she had already decided on dead, but she could bring the girl to sell as a slave.

Quickly deciding that her plan was a good one, she aimed at the twi'lek man's head once more after he stood up, slowly pulling the trigger. The chance of dodging a blaster bolt was low but not impossible, but he wasn't so lucky. Her blaster bolt hit it's mark, leaving the man to collapse face first to the ground. The young girl screeched in horror as the man collapsed. Tykota ran for the main street, using a flag pole to stop her half way down the building then proceeded to fall safely down the rest of the way.

Upon hitting the ground, she did a roll to help her to now injury herself then ran towards the alley. She put on her best shocked face on as she ran down the alley. "What happened?" She asked the girl as she placed her hand on the man's wrist, trying to find his pulse. The girl sobbed uncontrollably but some how managed to choke out the words, "T-Th-There w-was a l-loud bang... a-and he just f-fell!" Tykota looked up at her and said, "We need to get him to a medical station. I have some medical supplied on my ship. I can help him there but I'll need you to come too." The Twi'lek looked conflicted and nervous as she pondered what I had just proposed. She looked up at me and said, tears still streaming down her blue face, "Daddy said that I'm not supposed to trust strangers..."

The brown haired woman let out a sigh of frustration then growled, "If you don't come and help me your father will die." At the words, your father, she proceeded to motion to the nearly dead, green Twi'lek before her. "There's no other way to help him?" The twi'lek asked. "No." Tykota snapped. Her patience was running low and she didn't have much patience in the first place. She knew the risks it ran to stay to close to the kill sight to long and she didn't want to find out when would happen. Relief nearly overwhelmed her when the girl finally muttered, "Okay... Let's go. But you promise that as soon as Daddy's better we can come back home?" She growled snappishly in reply, "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Let's just hurry up and get out of here."

[DreadPirateMike]

Gosh howdy, buckaroo!  Welcome to SWU.  Always awesome to see a new face.  

Anyway, I shall be your designated dreadpiratemod today.  Fair warning, it may looks like a lot of stuff I point our at first, but I think you'll find once you get going, most of it's not too hard to implement.  Also, I do that to almost everyone.  Ask around.  

So, let's get started, shall we?


Name-Rank: This is all basically fine.

Height/Weight: This, however, needs some re-tuning.  Even according to the BMI index, 120 lbs is NOT a healthy weight for a woman of this height.  Certainly, a frame like this would be anything but muscular.  If you want this character to have above average strength, I'd recommend adding somewhere between 40 and 50 lbs.

Appearance: Okay, decent start here; you're basically just describing the above picture, which makes sense.  But we generally ask that the appearance not depend on the picture, in case the link breaks or something.  In other words, let's pretend I don't have the picture to refer to.  You want a description detailed enough that I could basically use it to form a rough version of that picture in my head.

For instance, all you really specify right now is color.  "Black and red clothing" could mean anything from sweatpants and cable knit sweater to bicycle shorts and a sports bra.  In this case...a tight red tanktop and black pants.  Basically, just try to hit all your specifics.  What length and style for the hair, length and style for the jacket, so on.

Another way to look at it is, why is she dressing as she does?  Does she find it comfortable?  Is she trying to gain some advantage over her targets by showing off her figure?  Or is that outfit just practical in some instance, like trying to blend in at a dance club?  Does she favor some different outfit under different circumstances?  And don't stop your consideration at the clothes, either!  Consider her posture, her affect...does she smile much?  This does sort of overlap with the personality section a bit, but the point of the Appearance is to cover the impression she leaves just at a glance.

Personality: Okay, I need a little more here.  As is, this certainly gives me some insight into how she acts, but it leaves me with a lot of questions as well.  For instance, given her antipathy toward strangers, just what does it take to become friends with this woman?  And how seriously does she take these friendships?  In other words, are the traits you describe with friends genuine, or just an act covering her killer streak?  As for how she acts with everyone else, cold and calculating are very different qualities than bloodthirsty and short-tempered.  Is it, perhaps, easy for a tough target to get under her skin, causing her to lose her cool?

Ships/Vehicles: Ah, I'm afraid this ship is out of era.  The current year of this game is 3599 BBY, meaning that CEC won't unveil the YT series for around 3,500 years.  Same problem applies with the speeder bike.  Wookiepedia, insanely valuable resource that it is, has some possible in era options.  This site's timeline is completely separate from the TOR game, but some folks have occasionally borrowed a design from there.  Or, if you peruse our Tech ( LINKY ) section, you'll find any number of accepted designs people have come up with just for this game.

It's in a tech app that you'd provide the stats, and that's only necessary if it's some specially modified version.  I will warn you though, 10s don't get accepted.  

Equipment: The blasters have the same issue as the ship and speeder: belonging to an era far, far away.  Fortunately, it has the same solution.  As for the armor and the rifle, those are both fine, assuming they're a fairly generic or typical model.

Stats: Okay, we don't actually use the numbers anymore...and even when we did, the highest strength or speed a human could have was 7.  Lose the numbers, though, and your terminology is right, and the stats are fine.  The charisma score is the only thing I'm iffy about.  I certainly don't have a problem with it being low (I'd have to think a little harder about the other stats if there wasn't a lower one to balance things.), but someone with below average charisma will not be a masterful liar.

Combat/Other Training: Okay, so I'm going to bundle these two categories into one, because I have similar observations for both.  One, again, we don't use the numbers here anymore.  Two, you don't actually need to list a skill if the character has no skill at it.  Three...I'm afraid chances are good that some of this may have to come down a little.  Basically, even though this is a scifi/fantasy setting, your character picks up skills just like you or me: she takes the time, and she learns them.  And when we see a skill ranked at Expert or better, it implies significant experience and training, years of it, such that the character could conceivably make a living doing that professionally.  Like, if we saw an Expert at medicine, it'd mean the character either went to medical school, or had some equivalent degree of training or experience.

Now, some of these we'd be a little more flexible about than others, naturally.  If a character, say, grew up hunting, and had a real natural talent for it, they could be pretty darn good at marksmanship.  But as is, Tykota has at some point trained to be not only one of the most formidable soldiers in the galaxy, but also a professional pilot, ninja, athlete, computer whiz and performer.  Granted, she's in her 30s.  She could have done some of this, but likely not all of it.  Just the combat stuff alone would usually suggest some sort of military training.  Especially the more specialized stuff, like Echani Martial Arts, is not going to just be picked up in cantina brawls.

Now, I won't get into where specifically you should trim things back, and to what level just yet, because where she learns stuff like this is what the bio's for.  And that's next.

Biography: Okay, so for starters, you say Tykota was raised as a bounty hunter, so what was that like?  What were her first nine years like?  Obviously, what sort of training her folks were able to give her at that early age would be part of it, but not all.  What were her folks like?  Were they as harsh in their parenting as they were in their professional lives, or did she receive unconditional affection from either of them?  And then, what changed after her mom died?  What did that do to Tykota?  How did her dad change?  I assume something must have been different for him to up and leave after 2 years.

And then, once she was on her own, there are even bigger questions.  You say in the years after her dad left her, she improved her stealth and sniping skills.  How'd she do that?  It'd take a lot more than just shooting at rocks and practicing walking quietly to get anywhere near where she is now.  More importantly, though, how did she eat?  Her parents are dead or gone, and she's left town.  What did she do for money?  Did somebody take her in?  Teach her?  How did she survive AND have time to hone these skills?

Then, she kills her deadbeat dad and...

After she killed her father she stepped up her game and became a skilled Bounty Hunter, nothing to eventful has happened since.

Nothing eventful?  That's 14 years, almost half of her life still unaccounted for.  How'd she get offworld?  How'd she establish her reputation?  How'd she pick up all these skills?  Did she have any close calls in all that time?  You get the idea.  I'm just looking for a lot more about her life.  And then, we move into the...

Roleplay Sample: So, everything makes sense here, right up until after Tykota shoots her target in the head.  It's really kind of unclear how she gets down from that roof, and how fast.  Does she rappel down by rope?  Find a fire escape?  And does she take the time to ditch her sniper rifle first?  Is she even trying to conceal the fact that she's the one who shot the guy?

Either way, even if this Twi'lek she wants to sell into slavery is dumb to the point of being barely sentient, I'm still not seeing how a single sentence is adequately gaining her trust, given Tykota shows up immediately after her significant other/family member, whatever has been gunned down.  What's supposed to make her seem like a protector?  She certainly doesn't look like any sort of cop, or identify herself as such.  The fact that she then throws the man's corpse without ceremony over the front of her speeder does still less to present her as someone who should be trusted.

Basically, she has a lot more work to do in order for this scene to make sense.  Or, if Tykota doesn't feel it's worth the effort, knock her out, maybe.  As is, though, I'm afraid this doesn't come across as a realistic interaction.

[Zeacur'azear]

Updated. Is there anything else that I need to change, delete or add?

[DreadPirateMike]

Okay, some definite improvement here!  I AM going to ask for another round of fine-tuning, but I can see you definitely took some stuff to heart, and I appreciate the effort!  So, let's see where we stand now.  

- First of all, the weight's fine now.  160 pounds is sort of what I'd call the bare minimum for the desired strength range, so you're good.

- Appearance is definitely better, but it could still use a little more detail.  The description of her dress, battle and otherwise, is fine, but aside from the hair, it's still a tad lacking in terms of the woman herself.  Basically, what sort of persona does she show the world?  You cover in the Personality section that she's sort of hostile to strangers, or at least untrusting.  Does she want people to expect that from her before she even opens her mouth, though?  Body language conveys a lot.  Does she frequently walk around with a frown or a snarl?  Or does she just try to project confidence, eyes straight ahead and standing tall?  Maybe slouch a little to conceal her height and deflect attention altogether?  Any or all of these, depending on the situation?  Basically, mannerisms are part of her appearance as well.

- Personality is almost there.  The only question I have is regarding the bit about innocents and civilians.  Does she have some sort of personal code against killing them?  I ask, because those sorts of scruples are a bit at odds with a character who will take one look at a child and decide to sell her off as a slave.  Or is it a purely practical concern, that a lot of collateral damage would bring more heat from the authorities and turn off clients?

- Vehicle and ship is pending...but we'll just say she has a ship and a speeder bike, and move on from there for now.

- Equipment is fine...though I will point out that no matter how good she is, she's not going to find fancy gymnastics (Which we'll get to below.) easy in a heavy armor suit.  Your choice entirely, of course, but if you do envision her jumping around like Batman, you might want to consider something a little bit lighter.  Also, regarding the STP-33s, you accidentally hyperlinked back to this application.  

- Combat Training has been toned down to entirely reasonable levels...provided maybe just a little more about her time bounty hunting, how they trained her, what sorts of jobs she's done.  Just to establish that she's had that much experience with a sniper rifle.  Also, it doesn't have to be anything majorly long and drawn out, but I would also like to know where she learned the Echani Martial Arts.  Was one of the bounty hunters a practitioner or something?

- Other Training...is still a little bit more of a work in progress.  Some of these skills are at a theoretically reasonable level, but I'd still like to know how she picked them up.  Her social skills, I won't be a stickler about.  She'd got a good singing and speaking voice, and the confidence to use them both.  Fine.  Slicing, on the other hand, takes actual training.  Now, her time with the bounty hunter group does open up the opportunity for such training, but you need to be sure to specify what skill set her benefactors saw as valuable to pass on to her.

Then, we get to climbing and acrobatics.  Not only are these skills at a very high level, but they're skills that don't necessarily go hand in hand with bounty hunting, even if they could certainly come in handy for one of that profession.  Granted, you've written in some childhood training, which is a good start, but you have to understand Mastery of acrobatics makes her the equivalent of an Olympic medal winning gymnast. Even if we assume her mom was a real hardass, and started her training at age 3 or 4, she only had that instruction up until age 9.  Even if her skills were already on par with someone 4 or 5 years older, which I suppose might be possible if she was some sort of prodigy (I'm no expert here.), she's...not exactly built like a 9 year old girl anymore.  

Same problem goes for gymnastics AND climbing.  She's carrying around more weight, she has a different center of gravity, etc.  If you want her to perform at this level, then she needs to have resumed actively training at some point, and at a pretty darn intensive level.  Being a world class athlete, which is what you're describing, takes a lot of hard work and a disciplined routine.  Maybe go into some of that in the bio?

Speaking of which...



So!  Like I said before, better!  I'd say her story has all of its bones now.  Just needs a little more fleshing out.  And perhaps a little house cleaning.  There are a few things that could use some explanation or re-wording.  For instance...

When she was 7, Tykota tried to run away because, despite her mother love and attention, she felt unloved. So she ran away to a near by town where she was nearly captured and sold as a slave. Luckily her mother had got off from her work at Surria Bar and heard her screams

Okay, so what made her feel that way?  I mean, I'm not expecting much here.  She was a kid.  Kids do dumb stuff.  But something must have set her off, even if it was just her jerk dad yelling at her.  Also, how did her mom hear her screams if Tykota had run off to a different town?  Or do you mean it was the nearest town, and they lived on the outskirts or something?

Then, we're good for a bit.  Mom died, dad takes off, Tykota scrounges for a few years, and then, she gets her lucky break.

When she reached the age of 15, she was discovered by a bounty hunter group and was taken in by them.

Okay, so what inspired them to do this?  What made her seem like a good investment to them?  Or did it start out as a simple act of mercy, in which case, what talents did she show that made them thing she could be molded into a working addition to their group rather than a mouth to feed.  Also:

They had a few operations done on her to help improve her skills, removing the last set of ribs

How exactly is that supposed to help her on the job?  

Anyway, after that, nothing really stands out as odd.  Just a little sparse.  Obviously, I'm not going to ask you to make up every single target she ever went after, but maybe just a couple career highlights?  A few of her hunts that really tested and/or honed some of her best skills.  You know, chasing down a fast target through tough terrain, instances of her not being able to simply rely on her ship's autopilot, stuff of that sort.  Give me just a few brief snapshots to really help bring this character to life, and you're there!  

- And lastly, the roleplay sample is better.  Much better.  This is now a hashed out and realistic interaction that gives a glimpse as to how she behaves under pressure.  Well done!

And here we are again!  Look things over, come up with a couple little stories, and I'll be waiting!  Third time's the charm, eh?  

[Neology]

Moved to incomplete.