Raighley Luminara Jarrus

[Deleted]

Name:
Raighley Luminara Jarrus
Race:
Human
Age:
18
Birthplace:
Coruscant


Allegiance:
Jedi Order
Status:
?
Rank:
Jedi Knight


Height/Weight:
6'2" ; 130lbs
Appearance:
?


Personality:
Rae is spunky, energetic and at times very stubborn. But at the same time, she has a good sense of humor and always tries to keep things light and fun even if the situation isn't the best.


Ships/Vehicles:
X-wing named "The Resistance"


Equipment:



Stats: (Feeble, Below Average, Average, Above Average, Superior, Legendary)



Strength -
Average
Agility -
Above Average
Intelligence -
Superior
Charisma -
Average


Force Stats: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)



Telekinetic-
Adept
Telepathic-
Expert
Body-
Novice
Sense-
Master
Protection-
Adept
Healing–
Apprentice
Destruction–
Expert




Combat Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)


Hand to hand: Expert
Self Defense: Master


Force Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)



Other Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)


Blasters: Master
Explosives: Master
Flight: Master

Lightsaber Training: (Untrained, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master, Specialist)



Shii-Cho-
Untrained
Makashi-
Untrained
Soresu-
Master
Ataru-
Master
Shien/Djem So-
Apprentice
>>Sub-form Backhanded-
Novice
Niman-
Untrained
>>Sub-form Jar-kai-
Untrained
Juyo-
Novice
Double Bladed Combat-
Master




Biography:

 Raighley from a young age was always very curious and adventurous. She had always loved the idea of being a Jedi, and made her choice to pursue that dream after her father's death. Rae's father had always tried to find time to train her, but anytime that they would find the time, her father had to go off somewhere due to being called by the Order.



One day, her father was called onto a dangerous mission and had no choice but to take the mission and leave Raighley behind due to her being too young to go with him. Once he returned three days later, he had cuts and bruises and looked terrible from the beatings he had taken from the battle. In his final act, he cleared her memory of what happened and told her to find Master James Thomas who would take of her. Of course being the frail child she was, she thought she didn't know this man who was dying in front of her and ran like he said to finding the man at the Jedi Temple.



Once she got there, she went to find James and found that she had ended up talking to him. He had heard what happened as he was there during the war her father fought in and gladly took her in teaching her the ways of the Jedi.


Once Rae reached the age of 13, James had taken her to a flight academy and helped teach her how to fly. By the time she had completely learned how to fly, she was 16 and close to finishing Jedi Training at the same time. With that in mind, she worked hard to be the best pilot and best Jedi she could be no matter what came her way. James and Rae would often mess around with each other and take out two X-wings and have race with each other. Rae won most of the times, mainly because James let her, but when they were truly competing with each other, it was a tied game.



When Rae turned 17, her knighting ceremony took place in the Temple. Halfway through the ceremony, they were interrupted when Sith had invaded the Temple and practically forced Rae and her master to leave after severely wounding Rae, giving a large scar across her back, breaking her left leg and her right arm. Once they had left the Temple, the two fled to Lothal and continued on in the Jedi Temple that resided there. The two hid there for another year until Rae decided that she wanted to explore the galaxy instead of staying low in an old Jedi Temple. Before leaving, James gifted her with two lightsabers and two WESTAR-35 pistols. Gratefully accepting them, the 18 year old Rae Jarrus went off and explored the galaxy.

Roleplay Sample: .

[Ash]

Hey there, Rae. We have our own templates for all our charries, and this would need to be switched over to that so we can fully begin everything to get your charrie approved. Fallow that, and the rules for how to make everything and all that jazz, and everything will be fine. If you have any questions about the process, let me or anyone else know and we will be more than happy to help you out.

[Deleted]

Oh ok, thanks for letting me know. I had taken a glance at the template, but I had forgotten my way to it. Anyway, I'll find that again, thank you for letting me know. The other website I'm on has like tons of templates to use and I had just used a simple one that I could remember. Anyway, I'll get to that.

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2016 16:52:54 GMT -5 Ash said:

Hey there, Rae. We have our own templates for all our charries, and this would need to be switched over to that so we can fully begin everything to get your charrie approved. Fallow that, and the rules for how to make everything and all that jazz, and everything will be fine. If you have any questions about the process, let me or anyone else know and we will be more than happy to help you out.

Ok. I fixed it and changed some things around. How is my bio? And does it look ok?

[Arcadia]

Apr 14, 2016 1:31:22 GMT -5 @raejarrus said:

Race:
White

Status:
?

Appearance:
?


Destruction–
Expert

Shii-Cho-
Untrained

Hello hello! Unofficial help of the mods here to help! Okay this bio is pretty good for a first try but there are a few problems. The ones I find are problems are in the quote above. Lets do this shall we?
Okay first off, by race it means what species are they. Obvious this is human so the race is human.

Status means are they M.I.A? K.I.A.? That kind of thing

You should give a brief description of Raighley's looks for appearance

Not exactly sure about this one but I think destruction is more of a Sith force set. Don't know, would want to check up with a mod for that.

For the last thing Shii-Cho should at least be novice, because all Jedi are taught that form before any others.

Hope this helped

[Deleted]

Ohhhh.. ok. Thanks! You see, I had no idea what some of these things meant so I was trying to guess what was what. With race I was kinda like.. umm, ok? So I was confused there and I'll fix that. Second, it's pretty much the same bio I had for another character on a different site, I was just uninspired because things aren't going very great with them at the moment. Third, yes my brother is in the Army, but I have no idea the meaning of M.I.A. I only know K.I.A. And she was definitely not killed in action... if that's what it's supposed to mean in these terms. Fourth, I'll definitely change the destruction thingy now that I know. I guessed it was more of a Sith factor, but then again I was unsure. Fifth, I'll get onto the looks when I can get my mind off of everything else tonight.

Again, thank you very much for letting me know and I'll get onto these issues as soon as possible.

[CaptainBonkers]

Hi! I'm Captain Bonkers and I am not a mod or admin as evident from the lack of the magical green or red in my name. Therefore everything I will say or suggest from here on forwards should be taken as nothing more than hopefully helpful advice from a guy with a number of successful apps under his belt. With that said, lets get this started.

Let us begin with the name, which while not a glaring problem, might need some consideration, at least the last name, as it is same as with a canon character. I do not know if a mod will pick on it but I suggest that you at least consider changing it. After that the next thing that needs some work is the race, which in this case should be 'human' (or applicable human or near-human strand) instead of 'white'. 

Onward to status and rank. I'm not sure if it has been detailed anywhere, but in this case status is meant as more of an occupation or specialisation within one's occupation, so in this case with Raighley being a Jedi, it would be like Jedi Sentinel, Guardian, Consular etc. Rank you've filled correctly though 18 is bit on the young side for a full Jedi. Not impossible by any means, just youngish.

Then to descriptions. In appearance you should describe how Raighley looks like, even though you have a picture for reference. If nothing else, describe what she usually wears and what kind of build she has. Does she slouch or does she have a particularly distinctive gait? Picture might be worth a thousand words but while RPing you don't usually have the benefit of using images to describe everything. By establishing in words how she looks helps other players describe her when Rping with her.

Personality is serviceable though a bit sparse. Looking at it it could use some expanding. Are there things that she likes/absolutely hates? Any self-doubts or fears? Is she social? How does she handle being pushed around by someone in a position of authority? Just a few things for you to consider.

So, vehicles...this is where we reach the first no-go mistake. The story of this site takes place 3601 years before the destruction of the First Death Star, so X-wings don't exist yet. I suggest you scour the tech section for a stock model you like or design your own and submit an app for it. Alternatively, what with her being a jedi and all, you could leave it empty as the Jedi generally don't own ships of any kind as individuals. They may have one assigned to their use but usually don't actually own them. 

Equipment and stats are okay. If you want to leave equipment section empty okay but you might want to put lightsaber there though, provided she has one. With that processed lets move to training, which is where run into major-rework territory: there are way too many experts and masters for an 18 year old. With luck and very, very intensive training an 18 year old might be an expert in couple of things but that should be reflected in other stats and detailed in the bio. I would suggest that you introduce a whole lot of apprentices, adepts and novices into the mixture. Think it in this way: Adept=professionally qualified to practice said thing as profession, Expert = A-whole-lotta-credits/per hour salary in said profession, Master = A miracle worker in that skill. 
With a character this young it is better to think in terms of potential to be reached, not in max potential achieved. Give her room to grow. 

Now the bio. Unfortunately I cannot comment on it beyond saying that it won't pass an official evaluation as it  does not appear to be fully compatible with the site's plot. As mentioned before, this site is in 3600s BBY, Jedi are taken into order as babes or really young kids and grow up in the order. No families allowed. I suggest you look these two threads over for details on the site's lore:

swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/1211

swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/20603/jedi-swu

Now, as I've mentioned before, I'm not a staffer so anything I've said has no baring whatsoever in the final approval of this application. However I've tried pointing out things that a an official reviewer will latch on. I hope that this has been helpful on some level at least, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask the staff or the older members for help.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the tips! I'm busy today and tomorrow, so I'll try to edit when I can and I'll definitely take the things you guys have pointed out into consideration. As for her last name, I thought it would be more common, (and I don't have that much creativity to come up with a name) But anyway, Ill get that stuff changed up as soon as possible!

Thanks for taking your time from your day and caring to help me.

[CaptainBonkers]

Not a problem. BTW. If you have trouble coming up with names, this site might be useful. It's choke full of random name generators, among them SW generators.

fantasynamegenerators.com/

[Deleted]

Awesome!! Thanks!