Ullo Vohl (WIP)

[Komoko]

Name:Ullo Vohl
Race: Human

Age: 28
Birthplace: Mandalore 

Allegiance: 
Status: Grey Jedi
Rank: Padawan


Height/Weight: 6'1”
Appearance: Ullo has one Jade green eye and on the opposite side crimson red, his face is unscared, below the collar from torso to toe are scars from beats and men alike that he had hunted on some occasion, his hair is brown with flecks of copper in his beard and shaggy head of hair. 

Personality: Patient, Bold, Withdrawn, Untrusting, Loyal.

Ships/Vehicles:

Equipment: orange light saber, Mandalorian Armour

Stats:

Strength - Superior
Agility – Above Average
Intelligence - Average
Charisma - Average

Force Stats:

Telekinetic- Apprentice
Telepathic- Unskilled
Body- Expert
Sense- Apprentice
Protection- Novice
Healing:– Unskilled
Destruction– Unskilled


Combat Training:
Hand to hand – Master

Blasters – Novice

VibroBlades- Adept

Force Training:

Force Stealth - Adept

Force Jump - Adept

Force Speed – Adept

Force push - Novice

Force Pull - Novice



Other Training:

Engineering – Novice

Pilot - Novice

Tracking – Adept

Wilderness Survival – Adept

Knowledge wildlife - Adept

Lightsaber Training:

Shii-Cho- Expert
Makashi- Adept
Soresu- Apprentice
Ataru- Adept
Shien/Djem So- Adept
>>Sub-form Backhanded-
Niman- Untrained
>>Sub-form Jar-kai- Untrained
Juyo- Untrained
Double Bladed Combat- Untrained


Biography:



Roleplay Sample:




Onward



Lifting off the planet as the sky turned from from blue to black stars filling the darkness like flickers of hope, Taking a seat beside Cole in the co-pilot position looking out in to the vastness of space. Cracking his knickles Ullo looked over “so where to next?” he asked a tired tone to his voice after all the excitement of the day so far. Shrugging and keeping his attention on where they were going “civilization, I need to drink something besides water!” chuckling Ullo stood and patted him on the shoulder “i'm getting some rest” he said his eyes only half open while he walk back looking for a bunk.

It wasn't long before he fell asleep and started to dream of what was to come, Great battles with many foes, there was one that stood out among the rest though a Sith with four arms wielding two double bladed light sabers. It seemed the two were equals in battle but there never seemed an end to their conflict.

Waking suddenly in a cold sweat, his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest while he found it hard to catch his breath. Hetting to his feet he held himself up with the wall and started back for the cockpit and sat. wiping the sweat from his face Ullo got lost while watching stars pass them by in the darkness, sitting in silence the two of them waited to reach a destination while in a meditative state.

Finally reaching a planet called Haruun Kal Cole looked over to Ullo “I dont think many people are going to be looking for us here, so it will give us some privacy to continue your training!” he said with a smile.

[Rugs]

Hey awesome pic for your dudeguy here x3

Word to the wise, you'll want to break up the bio into paragraphs. Muuuuch easier on the eyes when someone comes around to take a look at yer feller.

Also, Force-user Mandalorians can be tricky. Might want to give Dutch or Meira a holler for some advice there.

Best of luck!

[CaptainBonkers]

Ahoy there! I'm Captain Bonkers and I am not a mod or an admin and therefore anything I'm about to say has no other value than what you may choose to give it. I am, however, someone whose got several profiles through with rather little hassle so I'd like to think I know what I'm doing in that regard and it is from that position I'd like to offer you advice, if you would have it. Again this is nothing more than hopefully constructive advice and criticism from a friendly fellow member of these fine forums. Alright then, lets get started.

Name and race are fine, age is nearly never wrong on anyone but birthplace might take some consideration, mostly because I'm not sure if Sundari City existed in 3601 BBY, which is when the events of this forum take place. If you want to play it safe, I'd recommend switching it to Keldabe or some other Mando city. Alternatively you don't have to specify the exact location and just name the planet.

Allegiance is somewhat tricky because with a loyalty split between an Aruetii, whose also a Jetii, and the Mando'ade and Mand'alor, he'd be forced to choose the moment he runs into other Mandalorians, provided they find out of course. 

Appearance is going to need more than just a picture. A single paragraph of description ought to be enough to satisfy most mods. Personality too needs a bit more than just listing of traits. Try expanding on them: how and why is he untrusting? Is he blindly obedient or are thre limits he won't break in the name of loyalty? What would he do for those he is loyal to? Ask question similar to these and then write it down and you should have enough to go by. Nobody expects a novel but a paragraph or two are expected.

Equipment is fine provided a mod thinks a mando Jedi is OK. Stats too. It's only when we get to the other training that we begin to run some complications. At 28 five experts is way too much, especially considering your guy didn't begin his Jedi training until he was 16. Considering that according to the site's rule of thumb one level in lightsaber training takes roughly 2 years and one is not allowed to practice other forms until at least adept in Shii-cho. Same goes with force abilities. Other skills are bit more flexible but still four experts at 28 is a bit too much: I'd suggest you drop at least two of them, three if you want to play it safe.

In force training you need not mention anything but more specialized powers: in this case only the stealth. Jump and Speed, push and pull are both covered by Body and Telekinesis aspects under Force stats, respectively. 

Then the main course: the bio and I'm sorry to say that this one needs some work lore-wise. The site follows the legends Mandalorian definition in which mando children usually begin their training when they are eight and finish at 13 when they undertake their rite of passage called verd'goten. The training is usually handled by the parent with same gender as the child but that's by no means the expectation and the verd'goten more of a final exam designed to see if the child has learned everything expected from a Mandalorian warrior than a 'lets-weed-out-the-weak' sort of affair. Mandalorians aren't evil or stupid after all.

Why I mention all this? Because you do not even once mention Ullo's parents or family of any kind for that matter. From your text it would seem like Ullo was brought up in some sort of military academy, which is very much not the Mandalorian way. This is something a mod would likely ask you to address. And the whole beginning skews the later parts: why is Ullo taking what I assume is his verd'gotten at 16 instead of 13? Is the armor being given him an actual beskar'gam or a lookalike? If it's an authentic beskar'gam, why is it being given to a growing child who'll out grow it in a year or two? Why is the 16 old going unarmed against a beast? 

There are several things like this that would likely make a mod to ask you to make adjustments. I suggest that you read through this link thread as well as this link wookiepedia page on mandalorians and make any changes you feel are necessary. But, again, I'm not a mod or anything, so it is really up to you. If you need any help, just ask and if you need inspiration, try checking other mandalorian profiles on the site.

[Dutch]

swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/20142/mandalorians-swu

[Komoko]

thank you for the advice.