The Looking Glass (Lmr)

[Ghostie]

Today was the day. Ten long years was coming to a close. Three different teachers, all with their own style of teaching, had guided him to this point. After today, if everything went well, Sirius would be out all on his own as a Knight.

His last Trial, the Trial of Spirit, was scheduled for sunset today.

Sirius was sweating. He felt like he was going to be sick. The other Trials had come and gone, and this was the last one. The one that would determine whether or not he would become a Knight. He never remembered be this nervous about the past Trials. Maybe that's because he didn't know they were going to happen when they did.

He had heard horror stories about the Trial of Spirit. Of some Jedi waking up mentally broken from the experience. It happened very rarely, or so he was told. But just the fact that it happened at all was enough for Sirius to worry.

He walked down one of the several corridors in the Temple that housed the rooms for Jedi Masters. Sirius had agreed to meet Master Ka before his Trial. Absolutely no one was in the hallway. That and the low lighting made things seem eerie.

Sirius was looking forward to talking with Master Ka. The last time they had truly spoken was when he was recovering from the loss of his arm. That was a little more than a month now. Sirius had very little knowledge of what she had been up to during that time. It would be nice to actually talk to her again.

But what exactly did he have to say? In that span of a month, he hadn't done anything besides train. And prepare for his Trial. He had led a rather boring life recently. Other than that, he'd been spending time with Lana. Though, Sirius wasn't going to tell Teer about that. Not now, maybe at later time.

Sirius knew what the Order said about relationships and attachment. Despite this though, he liked Lana, liked her quite a bit. They had been spending more time together than was usual for two padawans. Sirius wasn't sure if anyone had noticed. But he didn't think that Teer would appreciate it if he told her, right before his Trial, that he had broken the Code.

Or at least, he saw it as breaking the Code.

Sirius approached the door to Teer's quarters. He hesitated for a moment. Not sure why he did so, but it happened anyways. He raised his cybernetic arm and knocked three times, softly.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

One of the moments Teer Ka had been awaiting was about to reach fruition. It was her fourth Padawan's Trial of the Spirit tonight, in one of the Temple spires, to be observed by her. If it was successful, and if Sirius passed, all that remained would be his Knighthood ceremony, and that was the only thing keeping Teer on Coruscant.

Her quarters were essentially empty now, possessing only her Togruta clothing and one set of robes in the closet. Ashla was in a storage bay longing to spread her wings.

Teer herself was almost impatient to set out, but not impatient enough to forsake loose ends. Sirius was still her Padawan, and he came first. To be true, he hadn't been present for her last mission, but that was her choice. She'd elected not to have him with her every second of every day, she'd decided to give him free reign. Soon he would be completely independent, and he needed to be ready to face that kind of existence.

A knock came at her door, and the Togruta woman rose from her bed and walked to it and keyed the release, unsurprised that it was Sirius standing in front of her. Even if it weren't the appointed time, it wasn't likely anyone else would knock on her door, and Sirius had a unique presence in the Force she could easily recognize.

Without any words said, Teer knew he was ready. She could see it on his face and in his eyes. He was afraid, and that meant he was ready. Only a fool would approach such an experience with the utmost confidence, and her Padawan was not a fool.

"Sirius," She greeted him with a nod. "Walk with me."

Teer stepped out from her room and started down the hall, trusting her Padawan would follow.

[Ghostie]

The door opened almost immediately as Sirius knocked on it. He didn't even reach out through the Force to make sure Teer was going to be in the room. When she said to meet somewhere, she was going to be there. Sirius knew that for a fact.

He glimpsed at the room behind Teer for just a moment. Everything seemed to be gone. Ther personal effects and even some furniture was missing. Was she leaving? Sirius hadn't heard anything to suggest so.

"Sirius, walk with me."

He followed Teer back down the hallway he'd just came from. For awhile, they just walked in silence. It felt good to be at Teer's side again. They always did things together, had for a while. Though this would be one of the last times.

He always felt safe next to Teer. He was sure that most people felt the same. She was a powerful warrior. And she was safe to talk to, nothing went beyond those in the conversation. Beyond that, she always offered the best advice in Sirius's opinion.

Though of course, he supposed he was a little biased after awhile.

After a while of just walking through the Temple, towards one of the towers that housed the Trial Chambers, Sirius started the conversation.

“So, judging by the state of your quarters, you're going somewhere?”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"Yes," Teer answered, though she held off the bulk of her reply for a long second, somehow reluctant to tell Sirius.

She shouldn't have felt that way about the closest thing she'd ever had to a son, but she did. Somehow she'd doubt he'd understand her decision, that he'd want her to stay and fight. He might view this as running, not as what it is was: a dignified and peaceful semi-retirement.

"After your Knighthood I'm taking on the position of Jedi Watchman for Shili. I leave as soon as your Knighting ceremony is over."

Before any anticipated objection could be voiced, Teer began her basic explanation, which she hoped sincerely her Padawan would accept. He was young, and still somewhat fiery. She could only hope his respect for her would translate into respect for her choices.

"I'm getting old Sirius. I don't look it, but I am. I'm tired of bloodshed. The fight will go on without me, as it did before me. I want to live among my own people now. I don't fully expect you to understand, but I expect you to trust my judgment."

Teer's measured strides had carried her a considerable distance over her explanation, and they were halfway to the base of the spire. It was clear their conversation would take them all the way to the verge of the trial.

[Ghostie]

So, Teer revealed she was leaving the Temple, maybe even for good. Watchman was a very respectable position, and it's obvious why Teer wanted to be the Watchman of Shili. Sirius hadn't enjoyed his time very well on Teer's native planet, but then again that couldn't be avoided. After all, he fought an akul with a splitting headache.

But part of Sirius wanted to reject this. Teer was a Weapons Master, perhaps one of the best of their time. The marks on lightsaber proved it. Why didn't she stay, and at least train others to fight that well? The Order would be better off for it, especially during a time of war such as now.

It's Teer's choice though. Not yours. She always has a reason.

Sirius knew what he was going to do after his Knighting. He was going to go on and become a Jedi Shadow, then join the Blades. He was going to fight the darkside. It was what Barren, Kellar, and even Teer had taught him to do. So did she think that since he was going off to do what she had taught him, she could retire?

She said she was getting old. Sirius couldn't see it. Teer had always been strong. A bastion of sorts, someone who never changed, never wavered. Sirius assumed she was going to fight to her last breath. It was just the type of person he saw her as.

Maybe he just put her on to much of a pedestal?

Sirius replied in a somewhat quiet voice.

“You don't look any older than many of the Togruta around here.”

Still, Sirius was split. He didn't know if being a Shadow was something he would want to retire from, if he did. Teer seemed to see her job as necessary, was she truly giving it up just because of her age? That didn't seem like a good enough reason to Sirius. But he kept his mouth shut, to respect Teer and her decision if nothing else.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer caught Sirius' nuances well when he made his reply. He was questioning her age, not her literal age, but the state she was in. He was partially correct in that his master was still in excellent health, but the Force could only stay time so far.

There would be decay, whether in five years or twenty-five, and Teer didn't want to be fighting a duel when her strength failed and age took its toll. She didn't want to die by the sword.

"Sirius," She said softly. "If I were not a Jedi, this is exactly the age I would be considering retirement. I've fought longer than you have been alive, and I'm tired of it. If I fight now, I will fight animals."

Teer ran a hand over one of her headtails and sighed, playing vaguely with the tip, a tell that she was hardly enjoying the position she was in, that she didn't like the conversation.

"I have the opportunity to serve the Order and my people both at the same time. And after what happened while I was gone..."

The Weapons Master's thoughts strayed back to that last duel with Dark Jedi, and a little child with a lightsaber, forcing her to sever an arm... The look of pain, the thoughts of Sirius and his own lost limb... It was over in a manner of seconds and Teer smiled feebly.

"I will be content to live in peace and quiet Sirius. My legacy is up to you now. Don't let me down."

Teer laid an orange-skinned hand down onto the human's shoulder and let it linger there for just a second. That was, by and large, the most affection she ever showed.

[Ghostie]

So she was really at peace with becoming a Watchman. Or at as much as peace as someone could be when switching to a new career. This surprised Sirius, Teer never seemed the Watchman-type. But after her explanation, Sirius dropped the subject. Teer was set in her ways, and it seemed no one would change her mind.

Teer then laid her hand on Sirius shoulder. It was one of her higher forms of affection. It let Sirius know that he always had someone standing next to him, ready to help him with whatever he needed. But now he was becoming a Knight, and she was going to Shili for an indefinite period of time. To Sirius, it felt like he was losing the only thing he had that resembled a mother.

No, not losing. We're just... expanding.

Sirius wiped his left hand across his face, as if he was wiping away sweat. In truth, Sirius was wiping away the water that had formed in his eyes. That was something he did not need right now.

Still, something seemed to have happened while Teer was away from Sirius this past month. Something that made her decide to do this. Sirius had known she had gone on a mission or two, but he had figured she'd be fine. Of course for fine, there were different levels. Physically fine, mentally fine, spiritually fine, they were all different.

“I'm going to become a Shadow. Because of you, Master Ka. I don't know if that helps or not, but...”

Sirius let that sentence trail off. It was true, Teer had inspired him from day one to do the things other Jedi couldn't. He was truly touched that she trusted him to carry on with what she had done for the Order. He didn't think he was up to the task, but they'd soon find out.

The pair of Jedi quickly approached the turbolift up to the Trial Chambers.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"It helps," Teer said with a smile, her fangs peeking out from under rusty lips.

She took that to be a satisfactory conclusion to the personal conversation, and now she decided to settle down for business just as she keyed the call button on the lift.

"Now, the Trial of Spirit is possibly the most difficult challenge you will take, because it is different from anything you have done, and it is something no training can prepare you for. What happens inside may change you, but it will be for the better if you follow what you know is right."

The lift doors opened and Teer stepped in, pressing the desired level with one hand as she continued to speak, her voice sincere and firm. She was in her Master mode, being a leader rather than a normal individual.

"When we reach the spire, you will settle into a meditation, and you will go deeper than you ever have before. I will be observing you, reaching out with my senses to monitor how you feel. When you have a vision, which may not happen on your first attempt, we will discuss it together and I will help determine if you pass the Trial."

One more quick pause as Teer adjusted the akul-tooth headdress she wore, then made eye contact with her Padawan, her eyes as dark as the night sky staring straight into him.

"Whether you pass or not Sirius, I am proud of you."

[Ghostie]

Teer looked right into Sirius eyes as she finished talking about the Trial. She had a way of being able to command your full attention when she did such a thing. Sirius blamed that large black pupils. He didn't miss a word she said.

To hear that she was proud of him no matter what happened felt like overwhelming relief washing over him. He wanted to make her proud. It seemed like she needed something to be proud of. But Sirius wasn't going to be proud of himself if he didn't make the cut, only if he was knighted.

“Thank you Master Ka. I really appreciate it.”

The two of them stepped into the lift when it came. It was a lift on the inside of the spire, with no windows. Sirius stepped in towards the back. He couldn't stay still. He was fidgeting, nerves were acting up again. It was so bad that he could barely talk.

Reaching in under his shirt, Sirius withdrew a necklace. It was a strong piece of cord, wrapped all around with akul teeth. The same akul from his Trial of Courage. It had become something of a charm to Sirius, to bring good fortune. He felt he was going to need it today.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer noticed Sirius reach down and pull out an akul-tooth necklace he'd earned on Shili, made by village artisans from the akul he and Teer had slain together. A challenge even for a Jedi.

It was good that he kept that well-earned token. No matter what the Jedi Order said about trophies, some things were worthy of pride, and she endorsed this particular memento, like her own.

The lift came to a stop, the doors slid open, and the duo of Jedi exited, heading straight into the meditation chamber. It was a large room, with windows all around, illuminated only by the city lights of Coruscant. The floors were ornately detailed stone, like the rest of the Temple and the the various spire chambers.

On the floor were two round cushions that had been placed there earlier, and on these the Jedi were to rest.

Master Ka lowered herself down onto one and removed her boots, sitting cross-legged and enjoying the mild air on her toes. She motioned for Sirius to sit on the other cushion, and then spoke.

"Here is where your Trial will take place. I need you to meditate now, for as long as it takes. You will know when your test is complete. Now, close your eyes and open your mind. Be at one with the Force."

The severe Togruta woman closed her own eyes and rested her lightsaber on her lap, slowly lifting telekinetically with the Force as an exercise in multi-tasking as she also reached out to monitor Sirius.

[Ghostie]

The pair of Jedi exited the lift, and the first thing Sirius noticed was the windows. The large, open windows, showing the seas of traffic and the mess of life on Coruscant. It was too distracting. There were too many lights. Normally, Sirius meditated in his quarters with no open windows, and most of the lights off.

He crossed the room, listening to Master Ka explain what to do. Reaching out to touch the controls, all the blinds dropped one after another across the room. It made the room much darker. That was much better to Sirius.

Going to the two circular cushions, Sirius took off his cloak and his boots, and stuck his lightsaber in one of his boots. It hated it when the metal cylinder poked him when he tried to meditate, and Sirius wanted everything to be just right for this.

He sat cross legged on the cushion opposite of Teer. She was already beginning meditation, her lightsaber was hovering eye level in front of her. Sirius mimicked her, except without the saber. It always distracted him when he tried to hover it with the Force while meditating.

It wasn't very long until Sirius slipped into his own trance. And then the vision came.



A long time had passed, Sirius would venture to say years. It showed too, he had developed some facial hair, a short black beard occupied his chin and jaw bones. His head was filled with much more knowledge, mostly about lightsaber combat but also about how to live as a Jedi.

And he had his own padawan.

Avlin Noth. She was a human, about sixteen to seventeen in age. She had black hair that reached down to the middle of her back, and large green eyes that people had a hard time saying no to. Avlin used that to her advantage, as even Sirius had a hard time saying no when she gave him “that look”. Avlin was stubborn, but smart. Her mind was the main reason Sirius choose her.

“Wait up Sirius!”

The next thing he knew, he was running. Sirius was on a mission, one of those Shadow missions. The kind where you didn't talk about what you did, and only the Council knew the full story. Usually you destroyed some dark artifact, and combat was to be expected. He usually went on these things by himself, but he figured Avlin had enough training to come with him this time.

The hallway he was running though was well lit, but mostly metal. He was in an industrial park on Balmorra as far as he knew. The mission was that a small group of dark Jedi had gotten a hold of some artifact or another. Sirius had planned it out so that they could sneak in during the night and grab the piece of jewelery.

Sound plan, except they tripped the alarm on their way in.

“Come on, down here!”

Sirius cut down a path that veered off to the right. It was a short path, dark at the end. He could hear his padawan's foot steps behind him. She wasn't keeping up as fast as he would like, but she was still there.

Sirius skidded to a halt at the end of the hallway, finding himself on a balcony overlooking some sort of bay or another. The bay was completely empty, save two figures starring up at him. Two dark Jedi. Sirius could clearly tell that one was a Twi'lek with light blue skin, and the other was a Cathar. Both were male.

Without so much as a word, Sirius flipped over the railing and ignited his saber in mid-air. Landing on the floor below the balcony, the dark Jedi ignited their sabers as well. But Sirius didn't move to engage them yet.

“I'm just here for the artifact. Give it to me, and you can go.”

“But where's the fun in that?”

The Cathar answered his demand. He seemed to be in charge. Their sabers' red glow drowned out Sirius's bronze beam. He quickly reached out for Avlin, making sure she was okay before he engaged the three of them. Sirius sensed her on the balcony above them. He hoped she stayed here.

He jumped forward at the Twi'lek, coming down with an over-head strike. The Twi'lek blocked Sirius's attack, and he sensed the Cathar closing the gap behind him. Sirius spun away and disengaged the Twi'lek. He was going to have to move fast against two opponents.

Sirius started on the Cathar next, coming at him with a horizontal slash. The twi'lek came at him from the side though, and Sirius switch his attack to spin around and attack the Twi'lek instead. The Cathar backed out however, and made a jump using the Force.

It took a moment for it to register in Sirius's mind, but he finally realized where the Cathar was going; after Avlin. She was good, but not that good. Sirius had to get up there soon himself. But the Twi'lek pressed the attack, as if he was reading Sirius's mind.

Sirius pressed back against the Twi'lek, and soon was on the aggressive instead of the defensive. The Twi'lek lost his saber from a sum djem from Sirius, and then the blue skinned alien quickly found himself cut in half, lying on the ground.

Sirius jumped up to the balcony, and started running off towards Avlin and the Cathar. He reached them only in time to see the Cathar reach out with bolts of lightning, created by the Force, striking Avlin several times. She collapsed, it was too much for the padawan. Sirius felt the life inside of her grow faint.

A cry ripped from his lips as Sirius ran at the Cathar. The feline jumped the railing though, and ran off faster than Sirius could've without the Force. Avlin was struggling behind him, very weak. It was either her or the Cathar at this point. Sirius turned around and knelled at his padawan's side. She tried to reach up, and Sirius grabbed her hand.

“Sirius... I...”

Avlin was already weak. She didn't have much time left. Sirius wasn't very skilled in healing techniques in the Force. There wasn't much anyone could do. Avlin died in Sirius's arms.

Sirius brought Avlin's body back to the shuttle so he could take it back to the Temple for a proper funeral. Once everything was secure and they were in Hyperspace, Sirius couldn't sit still. He paced through the ship, shaking with anger. Something inside him had snapped. That Cathar had to die. It was the only way to deal with a dark Jedi like him. He wouldn't be incarcerated, Sirius would make sure of that. The Darkside had taken too many people from him.

Sirius left the Temple again the day after Avlin's funeral. He didn't talk to anyone except the Council. He didn't want to talk to anyone, despite everyone who tried to comfort him. He just wished that they left him alone. According to him, he still had a job to do.

They had fought the dark Jedi in Corporate Alliance Space, so that’s where Sirius searched first. First he went to Balmorra, the same city where he had fought the Cathar first. The local authorities didn't know anything. Sirius scoured the planet for a week looking for the alien. It appeared he had jumped planet to Commenor.

Sirius encountered dark Jedi he thought to be working with the Cathar on both Balmorra and Commenor. When he encountered the small groups of them, he simply slew them. He didn't offer them a chance to run, and no quarter was given. Something had changed inside of Sirius, he found himself to be more angry. He didn't usually slaughter dark Jedi like he was doing now.

Sirius told himself that it was all a part of hunting down the Cathar. Dark Jedi needed to be stopped anyways, what did it matter how it happened? He told himself his anger had nothing to do with it. He was getting rid of bad people, no? His anger didn't matter as long as the job got done.

He was driving a speeder through some early evening rain on Commenor now. Sirius would've much rather had his Eris-Class Starfighter, but the local law enforcement had asked him to leave it at the station as to not cause a panic. Sirius didn't care who saw the fighter. In fact, he had been planning on the Cathar catching wind of him with the fighter, and then running off world. Sirius wanted to make sure there were no more dark Jedi working with him. He was going to eliminate this ring, one world at a time.

Just like the Cathar had taken Avlin.

Sirius went to look out the passenger side of the speeder so he turn, and he jumped. The jump moved the wheel, and Sirius sent it off course. He jerked the wheel back and was soon back in the speeder lane, having made his turn without hitting anything.

Sitting in the passenger seat was a carbon copy of himself.

Well, almost a carbon copy. He looked younger, and something was darker about his features. The copy was just sitting in his speeder, leaning against the window as if he belonged there. As if there was nothing weird about him just showing up all of a sudden.

“What the Hell?”

“Hey, nice to see you too.”

The copy responded to him, talking as if they were friends. Then it frowned. It was creeping Sirius out. Just who, or what, was this? Was he hallucinating?

“Is that really what I look like?”

“Who are you?”

“I'm you. At least, I'm suppose to be you. Your feelings, your thoughts, your mind... Or whatever. I don't know, this vision stuff gets kinda weird. All I know right now is that I'm the better looking one out of the two of us.”

Sirius was still stunned. It was quiet in the speeder for awhile, both he and The Copy kept their eyes focused out the windshield of the speeder. This couldn't be true, it was his mind? There was no way. Looking in his mirror, Sirius saw a red speeder that had been following him for awhile, but the The Copy snapped his attention back.

“So, hunting a dark Jedi huh? Cathar?”

“You should know that if you're who you say you are.”

“Oh I know, I was just a little confused. I wasn't sure if you were hunting him, or hunting his associates.”

Sirius couldn't lie to himself. Yes, he had been hunting down the Cathar's associates. Just like the Cathar had killed Avlin. But what did it matter if he was getting rid of dangerous people, making the galaxy a little safer? He'd get to the Cathar eventually, and Sirius didn't care if he caused him pain by killing his friends.

“So what if I make the galaxy safer on my way? I'll get to the target eventually.”

“And do what? All this is is some half-cocked revenge seeking. You came out here with no plan, no backup. Just you, your saber, and your starfighter, and you just started killing yourself a path to the Cathar. This isn't even sanctioned by the Council, and never would be.”

It was again quiet for awhile. The Copy was right, his anger had led him out here. But he was doing good, wasn't he? Sirius attention was caught by the mirror and the red speeder following him. It felt... familiar somehow.

“What does it matter how I do it?”

“You know as well as I do that how Jedi do things and how the Darkside does things is sometimes the only thing that separates them. Maybe you've been a Shadow for too long. Why'd you even decide on this career path? You knew what you were going to be doing until you retired... one way or another.”

The Copy of course was talking about either switching career paths, or taking a more permanent end to things with a saber through his gut. Sirius always told himself he'd get out before then. But how many Shadows actually knew when “then” was going to be?

“Y'know what I think? I think you take pleasure in that little feeling of pride you get when you prove your lightsaber skills to be above someone else. That feeling you get when you come back from a successful mission. And now someone has hurt that pride of yours.”

“Shut your mouth.”

“Of course, it would be so much easier if you just gave into that pride. You have the skills to back it up. It could, in fact, make you stronger. You could keep proving it, that then you wouldn't ever get a hurt pride again.”

Sirius always told himself he was one of the best duelist his age. He had his masters to thank for that, nothing else. Yet, despite all he had taught Avlin, and his own skills, he couldn't stop her from dying. Yes, his pride had been hurt. But this was about more than that, or so he told himself.

Of course, The Copy knew everything he was thinking.

“Sometimes, you just gotta let people go...”

And just like that, The Copy was gone. Sirius looked around in the speeder, but it was as if he was never even there. He decided it was in the top five of weirdest things that had ever happened to him.

He readjusted himself in his seat. Sirius didn't care what The Copy had said, he was still going after the Cathar. The Copy hadn't done anything for Sirius's anger. After this long, he was just suppose to turn around? He didn't want to face reprimand from the Council without finishing his job.

The red speeder was still in the mirror though, still tailing him. He sped up, in an attempt to lose the speeder. Probably a welcoming committee from the Cathar. Sirius wouldn't let them get the jump on him. He speeded up and dodged through traffic lanes. The speeder may not be his fighter, but Sirius was confident he could lose them.

And then the red speeder came over top of the nearest building. It angled right for him, but something went wrong. The two speeders collided, the red speeder hitting Sirius's vehicle on the tail. They went spiraling down, and crashed onto a rooftop.

Sirius shook himself the soonest his eyes opened again. His head hurt, and his left arm was sore, but otherwise he was unscratched. The tail end of his vehicle was smashed though. He looked around to see the other speeder in similar shape, except it's nose was caved in instead of it's tail.

Sirius unbuckled from his speeder and hopped out, saber at the ready. He walked over to see who was driving the red vehicle that had hit him, but then stopped halfway. Sitting in the speeder where three Jedi. Not just any Jedi though, the people that were closest to Sirius.

Vance was the only one awake at the moment. Teer and Lana had been knocked out by the crash. The younger Knight squeezed out of the speeder. He had been driving, and took was looked like the most damage, suffered a couple scrapes, most notably a cut on his forehead.
It was hard for Sirius to hide the shock in his voice.

“Vance.”

“Sirius, we're here to bring you back to the Temple.”

“Why? I'm on a job right now.”

“No, the Council didn't give you no mission. Let's not get violent, Sirius.”

Sirius was getting angry now. Vance didn't want Sirius to get violent? He was out here hunting the darkside, which was his job, whether the Council gave him a mission or not. He needed to get to that Cathar, and no one was going to stop him.

“Vance, just leave. I'm on the tail of a Cathar, and you're going to get in the way.”

Vance drew his saber, but didn't ignite it yet. It seemed he wanted to reason rather than fight. Sirius would fight him if it meant that he stayed out of the way. That Cathar needed to die.

“I can't do that, Sirius.”

Sirius leapt at the younger knight, saber drawn. The bronze blade clashed against the green, and they were dueling. Vance had always been larger than Sirius, and he used his reach and strength to his advantage.

“You haven't been the same since Avlin died! Come back, and we can help you.”

“I don't need some damn therapy, I need that Cathar!”

Therapy was the last thing Sirius needed. He was sane enough, he was doing his job. What did it matter than the dark Jedi had killed Avlin? He just wanted to see him dead. Vance wouldn't stand in the way. Sirius was angry, and he let that feeling seep into his Djem So.

Vance may have had strength and reach on his side, but Sirius was ferocious. He had planned on not being lethal to Vance, but sometimes things didn't always work as planned. He needed his revenge, Vance wouldn't stand there and tell him no.

Sirius struck fast, going low. He dived under the green blade and slashed at Vance's left knee, which brought the Knight down. As Sirius stood back up, now behind Vance from his roll, he swung back, digging deep into his friend's back. Vance feel forward, and didn't move again.

“Sirius, please.”

It was Lana's voice, she was now awake and out of the speeder. Why did the Council have to send everyone Sirius ever cared about? Was it an attempt to reason with him? Sirius knew Lana would reason before she fought, she had always been a great diplomat.

“Lana, leave. You wont stop me from doing my job.”

“This isn't your job, this is revenge.”

“So what what it is? I'm hunting dark Jedi, that's what I do if you haven't noticed! What does it matter if revenge is achieved on the way?”

“Sirius, this is exactly why the Jedi teach against attachments. You were too attached to your padawan, and look how her death has influenced you.”

“Oh, that's rich, you lecturing me on attachments.”

Sirius had tried to let go, to let Avlin go. But he couldn't. Killing that Cathar was the only sense of closure Sirius could see. He had been hurt, badly. Now that dark Jedi needed to feel his pain. He needed to feel what he had done. Sirius needed his pride re-intact. He couldn't face the Jedi again without it.

It must've been obvious Sirius wasn't going to negotiate with Lana. She drew her saber and ignited it, and Sirius sprung forward just like he had done against Vance. Her Soresu had always been effective. Sirius still remembered when they had first sparred together, and neither could get the upper hand against each other for quite awhile.

But Sirius didn't have time for games. It was bad enough facing Lana and Vance, but he wanted to be gone by the time Teer awoke. All of his feelings once again were poured into his movements, his anger, his pride, his hurt. Sirius found he could not control them any longer.

Sirius and Lana were toe to toe, just like always. His Djem So kept her on the defensive, but her Soresu ensured he couldn't hit her. Sirius wasn't going to be fair though. He began using the Force to throw debris at her from the crash. Pieces of metal, bricks from the building, anything that was small enough for him to throw.

A piece of metal caught Lana in the arm, cutting her pretty bad. It distracted her long enough for Sirius to come around with a sum djem, disarming her of her saber. The silver cylinder clattered loudly to the edge of the rooftop.

“Just wait Sirius...”

Wasn't falling for anything. Sirius plunged his saber forward, stabbing the Echani right through her chest. Sirius felt guilty, and even more angry, as he watched Lana fall to the ground. It was time to go, he didn't want to be around here anymore. But where to? He couldn't go back to the Jedi after killing two of them. He walked to the edge of the rooftop, seeing if there was a way down, and then Sirius heard the last voice behind him.

“Stop.”

It was not a yell, but more of a command. Sirius found himself halting to it. He wanted to be out of there before Teer awoke, but it seemed he was just a bit too slow. How dare she tell him him to stop. He was doing what she trained him to do. Sirius turned around and faced Teer, saber still ignited.

“Why did you bring them? You knew this wasn't going to end good for anyone! This is all you're fault! 'Make me proud Sirius'. 'Carry on my legacy, Sirius'! Look at what I had to measure up to! Turns out, I wasn't good enough. What a big surprise! I wanted to teach, before Barren died. I wasn't cut out for this!”

Sirius just exploded, he let everything out. Everything that had been building up over the years, everything that had happened, he needed to find someone to lay it on. And Teer was the only person around.

Sirius charged forward at his former master, fully engulfed in his anger. Teer had always been one of the best duelist in the Jedi Order during their time, but it didn't matter to Sirius, he didn't think about it. All he knew was that he was angry at her, so very angry.

The Togruta whipped out her double bladed lightsaber quickly, still showing that she still practiced, despite being semi-retired. Sirius swung high, going for her head. Teer deflected the blow, and then he swung again, going for her knees. She deflected this as well, pushing his saber aside, and then she struck, lightning fast. She pushed his saber to the other side, and then came around Sirius's unguarded side, stabbing him through the back and her blade penetrating through his chest.

Sirius fell, not dead yet but soon to be. Then he heard another voice, The Copy was back. Whether to help Sirius to not, he didn't know. Teer couldn't see The Copy it seemed. But then again, she didn't seem to be around. The Copy knelt by Sirius, getting in close and whispering to him.

“This is what all your pride and attachments get you, in the end.”



Sirius awoke with a start. The first thing he noticed was that he was flat, like how he ended the vision. He was clutching his chest it seemed, right where he had felt Teer's blade pierce him. He opened his eyes to find, to his surprise, he was no longer on the cushion but now on the floor.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

While not a telepath, Teer Ka could still read changes in the general aura of a person, which usually gave her the ability to gauge distress and discomfort, and to spot any large emotional surges. So while Sirius' vision remained a bit of a mystery to her, his reaction to it was not.

He was tense, immersed fully in a vision that was taxing him. His heart rate was elevated, and she could hear the pounding clearly.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Silence.

Thump. Thump.

The time it took to complete a vision was highly variable, with Teer's taking what must have seemed like ages to her master. Luckily she had a sort of semi-meditation conferred by her stillness, focusing in on her Padawan, attuned to every fiber of his being.

His heart reached a crescendo and she opened her eyes, noiselessly recovering her lightsaber and placing it onto the ground. It was just in time, as the young man promptly sagged and fell over. Teer caught him with the Force and gently lowered him to rest on the ground, and a few short seconds later his eyes fluttered open, giving him the image of a severe Togruta woman kneeling by his side and checking his pulse.

He had been clutching his chest as if stabbed, and Teer deduced his vision had ended in some variety of pain or death. With that in mind, she could jump to one conclusion. His vision had showed the dark side, and...

"The ways of the Dark Side always end in death. We must show constant vigilance against it within ourselves."

The Togruta woman pulled her fingers back from Sirius neck, instead pulling him upright again before sitting cross-legged on the floor before him.

"I think I know the results of what you saw, but now you must relay the vision to me, and tell me exactly what you have learned."

Her voice was soft, unusually so, a throaty whisper that soothed and set aside concerns. Her face too showed a soft look of sympathy and understanding, though layered with the confidence Teer usually wore.

[Ghostie]

Sirius sat up on the floor as Teer helped him up. Both cushions were no forgotten. The first thing Sirius noticed was that he was sweating. Doing his best to wipe the beads of sweat away from his forehead, Sirius tried to get his breathing under control as well. To try and calm down from the vision. It was very vivid, he felt everything that went on.

Teer could tell what the end result was by the way Sirius had held his chest. She had stabbed him, at least, in the vision she had stabbed him. And now she wanted to know what happened. Sirius wasn't exactly comfortable telling his master that she had killed him.

“In... in the vision, I had a padawan. We were on a mission when she was killed by a dark Jedi. After that, I just sorta... sorta snapped I guess. I spent two weeks chasing that dark Jedi across Corporate Alliance Space. Without authorization. Then I had this weird conversation with what seemed to be a copy of myself. Anyways, these three Jedi came after me to reel me back in. The first one I fought was Vance. Y'know, Vance Asano, my friend? He, uh... he died. And then Lana Kindari, I fought her next. She didn't make it either.”

Sirius was almost at tears. How could he have killed his friends? Did he change that much in the vision? Sirius knew of nothing that would bring him to do such a thing, even close. And worse, that his own master had to kill him to stop him.

“The last Jedi, a Togruta, ended up beating me and killing me. That's when I woke up.”

Sirius changed the subject quickly. He didn't want Teer to dive into the Togruta too much. It was still painful, even for a vision. She may be comforting now, but she may not take that well, not with her past padawans.

“Based on what The Copy of myself said, and what went on, I think it was suppose to be about pride, and attachment.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer listened through the recollection of the vision, uncertain whether it was a vision of a possible future or a more abstract vision. Both were possibilities. Her own had been abstract in nature, a question of fighting the duality of her nature. Of course that was a long time ago, and since then she'd been fighting less and less of a battle against her inner darkness.

Rather than interrupt, Teer waited until he had finished before venturing an opinion, though she did take note of the fact he apparently didn't know the Jedi who'd 'killed' him. Either that or he was witholding information.

The presence of a copy was abstract in nature, but that was still no guarantee. Teer decided to advise caution.

"Visions such as this can be either abstract or visions of a future that may or may not come to pass. I cannot see all ends, so I cannot tell which yours is. If it is abstract, you would do well to learn the exact lesson it can teach. If it is prophecy, then you must labor to avert it. You must, either way, resist the pride within you. As to attachment..."

Teer absentmindedly traced the scar along her face, a mannerism she often adopted while thinking. In this case she was trying to find the right words to express what she felt a Master should say on such an occasion.

"Keln, my second Padawan, fell to his own dark tendencies. I remember his Trial. He never saw his attachment as a flaw, but his pride... He fell to his pride. A true Jedi is humble about his power, modest about his prowess, and seeks to be servant rather than master. When we place ourselves above the rest of the Order, we set ourselves up to fall. Never doubt, Sirius, that you are a skilled duelist. But do not take pride in it."

The new Watchman for Shili closed her dark eyes for just one moment and thought back to Keln. So much potential, so much skill... Yet he'd fallen, he'd given into temptation. His ashes were long since scattered on Vendaxa, and she hoped he had found peace in the Force. More importantly she didn't want to have to kill another Padawan.

Teer spoke again, trying hard to find the right words to say.

"If you ever fall Sirius, I will do my best to lift you up again. I will find you, and I will try to save you. But my loyalty to the Order outweighs my loyalty to you. Never put me in a position where I have to choose between you."

[Ghostie]

The way Teer spoke of the different types of visions, Sirius hoped with all the Force that his vision wasn't prophecy. Would he be able to avoid it, could he avoid it? It made him scared to take a padawan if he passed this Trial. He didn't think he could do it.

Sirius long about his vision, and the things it represented. Pride, attachment, anger, Sirius could point out things in his life right now where these were all present. He needed to make some changes soon, or it would be a slippery slope, from what he saw.

Then Teer warned him about his Pride, and told him about her second padawan. His pride had over taken him as well. And in the end, is had cost him everything. Teer had to kill her own padawan. That was why Sirius didn't tell her about who the Togruta was.

But she seemed to know anyways. Teer was comforting, saying that she she would always try to help Sirius if he fell. But she also warned him, saying that the Order would come first. Sirius found sanctuary in the fact that she was always willing to help, no matter what happened. He would rely on that in the future.

Still, Sirius was scared. He didn't want his vision to be prophecy. If that was the case, there was no way he could become a Shadow. But how would he know whether or not it was prophecy or abstract until it happened? When it happened, it would be too late to stop.

“The vision I had scares me. I barely recognized myself after my padawan died. I was so revenge driven, revenge seemed like the only thing that mattered. I've never felt like that. I hope that it isn't prophecy, but there's no way to know, is there?”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"The future is in constant motion. What you have seen might have been possible once, but now that you have seen it, you know what steps you must take to resist. Forewarned is forearmed, and you will no longer walk into this blindly."

Teer shifted her weight uncomfortably, as she felt lead to say something more on the topic of revenge. Something that wasn't easy to say. Indeed, it was something she'd never even breathed a word of, something she'd assumed she'd carry to the grave.

Yet here she was, about to confide.

"It is possible to serve the cause of justice rather than revenge. But first you must renounce attachment. I- I am about to confide in you, to tell you something no one else knows."

Master Ka changed her position, resting on her knees and staring directly at Sirius, pitch black eyes boring into him, unblinking and unflinching. Her voice was surprisingly calm for what she felt: a sense of pain, and of guilt.

"When I was a little older than your age, I met a friend from when I was a Youngling on Dantooine. His name was Reem Krotan, and he was a skilled Jedi Consular, and a very good man. We found each other attractive, and soon he was paying me compliments, tracing my scar. He told me it only made me more beautiful. I didn't believe him, but when he kissed me everything changed."

Teer touched her russet lips lightly, still feeling the tingling from the one time they'd been contacted by another set of lips. Never before, and never since. Chaste apart from one single night.

"We didn't care about the rules that night. We gave in to passion and temptation. Only the next morning did we realize it was wrong. We'd yielded to the ultimate attachment. Such feelings can lead to possessiveness, to the desire to control another, and thus to the Dark Side. Neither of us fell, but we never saw each other again. He was killed years later by a Dark Jedi, and I requested to hunt him down."

Teer sighed, wishing she hadn't shunned him after that. She'd lost a good friend and ally, and if she'd been by his side during that fight, she knew in her heart he would have lived. In a way she was responsible for his death.

"It wasn't revenge that drove me, but justice. Similarly, you should not let your attachments drive you to revenge. Remember the cause you serve is justice, always act accordingly."

[Ghostie]

When Teer told Sirius that she was about to confide in him something she had never told anyone, he listened right away. That also meant to him that nothing left this chamber. He respected Teer's privacy, and he didn't want to compromise her trust.

She had been in a relationship before. Sirius was shocked at this. Teer was one of the people he expected that breathed the Jedi Code basically. Had a younger version of his master not been so committed?

Teer's large black eyes met Sirius's, and he kept her gaze. He was sitting slouched, his arms wrapped around his knees. This was something he wanted to pay attention too. In his opinion, firsthand experience was always the best. Then she touched her lips, as if deep in a memory of what had happened. And then Teer went on to tell what else had happened, without trying to spell it out.

Sirius looked down at a spot on the floor to his right, and started rocking. It was awkward, to hear about this kind of thing from his master. Sirius felt it was like a child hearing it from a parent. Just not a subject anyone was willing to touch, and for reason. It was one of the ultimate forms of intimacy, of attachment like Teer said.

“Did you ever think about leaving the Order to be with him?”

Sirius let Teer answer as he debated his next statement, or question. He wasn't sure which it was going to be yet. He felt like he needed to bring up his relationship with Lana. While they were attracted to each other, and spent a great deal of time in each others company, they had done nothing physical, nothing like Teer and her old flame.

“There was a reason Lana was in my vision. We've, uh... we've been spending a lot of time together. More time than usual for two padawans, y'know what I mean? We've done nothing, just a lot of talking. Enjoying each others company, being a comfort to one another, y'know? I wanted to stop soon, I was thinking of going to join The Blades... How do you keep those feelings from coming back? Didn't you feel anything but justice when you went after that dark Jedi?”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

“Did you ever think about leaving the Order to be with him?”

"No," Teer said with confidence, yet in a sad tone as if she mourned the possibility of what might have been.

It was true that in another life she might have left with Reem, and she might even have been happy in a normal existence, but that wasn't her life. That wasn't her destiny or her calling. There were things more important than personal wishes, things like duty and devotion.

No one could ever say Teer Ka hadn't done her duty, however hard it might have been.

As to Lana...

Somehow Teer wasn't surprised. Sirius was a young man, and Lana was an attractive girl. They, under normal circumstances, would have made a smart fit. But these weren't normal circumstances. They were Jedi.

It was fortunate though that they hadn't had the same circumstance as Teer, that their bond was of a less physical nature. Nevertheless, that path was fraught with peril. Sirius seemed to know that though.

Just like Teer had always known, he was a smart boy. He knew his flaws, he knew his weaknesses. He had a good self-image, and intelligence on his side.

When he asked how to stop the feelings from coming back, Teer sighed. There was only one answer.

"You can't stop those feelings Sirius. You can only resist them. And what I felt, it wasn't anger. It wasn't lust for revenge. I felt sadness only. When you've removed your attachment, when you've learned to resist those feelings, all that remains is sadness. And in time, you learn to look back and see only the good memories."

[Ghostie]

Good memories from sadness. That didn't seem possible to Sirius. Sirius had no bad memories he could look back on with fondness. When something happened, and it was bad, or sad, that's just how it was to him. It wasn't like he could go back in time, and change his experiences. Where would he be if that was true?

Teer sounded sad when she said she didn't ever think of leaving the Order for this... Reem guy. Could Teer be one of those Jedi that left the Order, found love and settled down on some nice planet for a life with a family? Teer may have some motherly features, but Sirius couldn't see her doing such a thing. Like he assumed, she always lived the Code.

Then again, isn't that what she's doing on Shili, settling down?

Sirius was not pleased with the answer he received from Teer about feelings. There had to be a way to shut them out completely. To not feel anything. It seemed that the best way to go about being a Jedi is to not feel at all, so someone had to have found a way by now.

“I don't understand how good memories can come from bad experiences. A bad experience doesn't create a good memory. How are you supposed to look back on it in a good way?”

Sirius main thought right now was of his past two masters. The memories of when he lost them. Nothing good came to mind from those days. There were no happy feelings or warm, fuzzy memories. Just hurt, and lessons.

And justice. Justice sounded a lot like revenge, but dealt out differently. Perhaps they were two sides of the same coin. Something that people got easily confused, and were hurt because of it. You had to find the way to deal justice, and not revenge, before you did anything.

Still though, two sides of the same coin...

“And justice and revenge seem like two faces on a coin. Easily confused, and most people don't care which side is used or showing. Anger is the only difference?”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Good experiences and the difference between justice and revenge. It appeared those would be the topics that accompanied this Trial. It was true that every single Trial was different, and there was no one set of topics to discuss or things to say. It just proved that to be a Jedi Master, one had to be prepared to discuss any topic.

Perhaps that was what they called wisdom.

Teer began her description of the first point by rising from her kneeling position and walking over to one of the windows, bare feet making no sound upon the hard and cool floor. When she arrived she stared out at the lights in the darkness, imagining them to be merely fireflies for a few seconds.

Then she spoke in her motherly voice.

"When you are my age, you will have many memories. I'm sure you already have many strong ones, but as they grow more distant you will find that you can easily recall the good memories as well as the bad. I can still see my first Padawan clearly in my mind. I can remember burning her lifeless body, but I can also remember meeting her at the Enclave when she was a Youngling, seeing the tiny horns that sprung up along her hairline. I remember her mannerisms, her jokes. I can choose to remember those things as well, I can see the good and not just the bad."

Teer looked away from the Skyline and back to Sirius.

"In time you will learn to do this too."

Add one vote of confidence. Teer was certain Sirius needed that. He sounded uncertain of himself, and unsure in the face of his Trial. Certainly such a vivid feeling of one's own death couldn't be pleasant. Master Ka had been face to face with her own mortality once before.

The Togruta folded her arms and looked at her Padawan.

"The difference between justice and revenge can be found in your heart and your conscience. Revenge will make you feel guilty and doubt yourself. Justice is done for the good of the Order and the Republic, and revenge is from your own desires. You must neglect what you wish personally, and do only as you are ordered. Do not deviate and do not stray. And above all, do what is right. Your heart's heart will not lie to you."