Silihid Takka (under construction)

[darthira]

Name:Silihid Takka
Race:Miraluka
Age: 19
Height: 5'7''
Weight: 111lbs
Appearance: black short pixie cut hair pale skin petite fit body smooth features black robes and a hood that covers her eyes perfectly
Personality: Aggressive, killing her enemies without hesitation as was first shown during her sparring match with the young twi’lek girl but not a mindless brute she is cold and calculating in her approach to any situation and is no fool when it comes to a challenge if the enemy is clearly stronger in numbers or personally she will attempt to avoid confrontation but if she is attacked she will not hesitate to strike back
Birth place: Alpheridies, Vilamvia

Faction:Sith
Rank:initiate

Previous Faction:jedi
Previous Rank:apprentice
Lightsaber: ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608047621275323357&pid=1.7
Color:red

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 
Makashi 3
Soresu 3 
Ataru n/a
Shien / Djem So
>>Sub-form Backhanded 3
Niman 3
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield 1
Juyo 4
Double Bladed Combat 2

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic:5
Telepathic:5
Body:5
Sense:8
Protection:6
Healing:3
Destruction:5

Specialized Skills: battling with a lightsaber is her strong suit as was evident the moment she picked up her training saber

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 8
Leadership: 3

Unarmed: 5
Melee Weapons:1
Ranged Weapons:1

Bio:Silihid Takka was a miraluka that spent the first 5 years of her life 

RP Sample:she enters the sparring arena she sees the young blue twi’lek on the other side she draws her saber ready to strike she senses fear in the twi’lek as she lunges forward letting out her battle cry the twi’lek raises her saber in defense they clash and begin to battle the twi’lek unable to keep up with her as she is forced into a corner where her only hope is for the jedi to call the match off the jedi in the crowd above sensing hate and anger and rage in the young miraluka they tell her to stop but she refuses to listen…please stop…i..i..give up the twi’lek cries out but silihid doesn’t stop the twi’leks training blade breaks silihid lifts her up into the air force choking the life out of her by the time the jedi come down to the rescue she is already dead…

[Faeruy]

Height: 5'7''
Weight: 111lbs
Appearance: black short pixie cut hair pale skin petite fit body smooth features black robes and a hood that covers her eyes perfectly

There's nothing fit about someone who's 5'7" and 111 lbs. That's grossly underweight - Even a small framed 5'7" should be at LEAST 123 lbs if she's healthy. Also the appearance section is too short. I highly recommend reading some of the other accepted bios around the site to get an idea of just how much detail we're looking for.

Personality: aggressive killing her enemies without hesitation as was first shown during her sparring match with the young twi’lek girl but not a mindless brute she is cold and calculating in her approach to any situation and is no fool when it comes to a challenge if the enemy is clearly stronger in numbers or personally she will attempt to avoid confrontation but if she is attacked she will not hesitate to strike back

This is also much too short. I recommend reading other bios to get an idea of what we're looking for. And while I'm aware English isn't your first language, we do expect you to at least attempt to use grammar and punctuation. I see none here.

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 3
Makashi 3
Soresu 3 1/2
Ataru n/a
Shien / Djem So
>>Sub-form Backhanded 3
Niman 3
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield 1
Juyo 4
Double Bladed Combat 2

1) No half points are allowed
2) No score can be higher than Shii-Cho score
3)She's only 19. She wouldn't have nearly this many points. We generally go with 1 point for every two years of study; she'd have at most 7 points and most of those would be in Shii-Cho, she'd really only know only 1 or 2 other forms.

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic:5
Telepathic:5
Body:5
Sense:8
Protection:6
Healing:3
Destruction:5

These scores are much too high. She wouldn't have an 8 in anything. You probably need to remove at least 10 points from this section.

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 8
Speed: 8
Leadership: 3

Unarmed: 5
Melee Weapons: 7
Ranged Weapons: 2

Again, these scores are much too high. Any score above 7 needs to be explained in the biography. You don't. She won't be allowed to have 2 "8's either, so you'll have to lower at least one, if not both the intelligence and speed scores. Also, melee weapons are not lightsabers - they refer strictly to normal weaponry - most jedi-trained force users don't have a reason to use them. Besides, at 19, she wouldn't be that good. I would lower both the unarmed score and the melee score, especially the melee score.

Bio:Silihid spent the first 7 years of her life on a small settlement on Alpheridies where her family owned a small farm. at the age of 7 a jedi master came to the small settlement searching for potential. When he found the miraluka he couldn’t help but sense a dark taint in her her potential however in his eyes greatly outweighed the dark taint this caused a great controversy within the jedi council. Several years after she was sent to corusaunt for training at the age of 17 she was to attend a friendly sparring match against a young tw’lek ending in the twi’lek being murdered in cold blood afterwards she was stripped of her title as jedi and cast into exile. A year later Silihid found herself on a remote world where a sith academy took her in there she felt more at home among like minded people…there her adventure would begin

1) This is much too short. We expect a lot of detail in the bios. Family life, major events, important people, training, etc, etc, etc. As a general rule of thumb, we expect about 1 paragraph for every two years of a character's life.
2)Jedi do NOT take children older than 6. If she's not taken by the Jedi before she turns six, she would not become a jedi.
3)I recommend reading other bios to get an idea of what we're looking for. I also reccommend reading the SWU Guide, The Plot Thus Far, and the Sith Notes, because in this RP, the Sith have only been around for about 2 years.

RP Sample:she enters the sparring arena she sees the young blue twi’lek on the other side she draws her saber ready to strike she senses fear in the twi’lek as she lunges forward letting out her battle cry the twi’lek raises her saber in defense they clash and begin to battle the twi’lek unable to keep up with her as she is forced into a corner where her only hope is for the jedi to call the match off the jedi in the crowd above sensing hate and anger and rage in the young miraluka they tell her to stop but she refuses to listen…please stop…i..i..give up the twi’lek cries out but silihid doesn’t stop the twi’leks training blade breaks silihid lifts her up into the air force choking the life out of her by the time the jedi come down to the rescue she is already dead…

Again, I know English is not your first language. This is, however, an English board, and we do expect you to at least attempt to use proper grammar, punctuation, and formatting. Right now this is impossible to read and make sense of.

I recommend reading the following bios as an example of just how much detail we want to see in your profile.
Zandar Quinn
Nana
Chias Nero

You've got a lot of work ahead of you; feel free to PM me or any of the mods, or ask around in chatbox if you have questions.

[Faeruy]

Are you still working on this darthira?

[Neology]

Moved to incomplete.